The Great Michael Jackson Conspiracy List

by Feòrag

Well, that didn't take long. There are already two main conspiracy theories developing surrounding the demise of singer Michael Jackson: the first is that he was murdered in some symbolic way by the conspiracy; the second that he isn't dead at all. This list is really just a Wee Conspiracy List at the moment, but no doubt it will expand over time.

• The Conspiracy and chums
• He Aten't Ded
• He was already dead.

Tags: conspiracy theory, Michael Jackson, Nancy Luft, Warhol

Bargain of the Day: mail-order corpus crispie

by Feòrag

A church is making a remarkable offer of interest of host desecraters everywhere: mail-order consecrated host. The cleric responsible, though, has already sussed that sensible and differently-superstitious people will take advantage of the service:

He said the organisation was taking care and concern over appropriate packaging for the wafer, which is no more than a millimetre thick, to ensure it remained intact on arrival, before adding that anyone - including atheists and even satanists - could avail themselves of the service. Jesus did not make these distinctions. He gave himself to anyone and everyone. It makes no difference, the body of Christ is redeeming.

Would that last sentence be a health claim? Enquiring minds want to know whether the Open Episcopal Church believes in transubstantiation, as that surely affects the usefulness of the cracker for shenanigans?

Crochet religious toys

by Feòrag

Not wanting to step on the toes of What Not to Crochet, but there are some bizarre religious patterns out there. For example, there's this Venus of Willendorf doll. The same designer has also come up with a really impressive Kali and the Virgin Mary, which is an interesting threesome really.

Another Goddess can be found in the form of Blessed Elements' Goddess for all Seasons, and the patterns for decorating her for spring, summer, autumn and winter.

Those inclined towards East Asian traditions can make themselves a Maneki Neko. And we must not forget Cthulhu.

Not a toy, but really, just read the explanation of this pattern: Goddess Blessed Study Bookmark.

Tags: amigurumi, crochet, Cthulhu, goddess, Kali, maneki neko, toys, Venus of Willendorf, Virgin Mary

Okay, already!

by Feòrag

I've seen this all over the place, and I've just had the umpteenth suggestion that this is a Prattle story, so here it is:

Will the Antichrist be a homosexual?... While the word homosexual is not in the Bible, the behavior of those who practice homosexuality, and God’s estimation of them, very definitely is. When the word came into existence I cannot tell you, but what we can say for sure is that when Noah Webster published his first dictionary in 1828, it was not included. This means that homosexuality is a modern word invented to replace the word Noah Webster did include, sodomy, defined as a crime against nature. This is historical revisionism in action.

It follows, therefore, that heterosexual, which is also not in the Bible, is another modern word invented to replace some other word—gomorrahry, pehaps?

Interestingly, the word homosexual is so beloved of fundie types, that I use it as a search term when I'm specifically looking for religious anti-gay hate speech. No-one else seems to use it these days.

Will the Antichrist be a homosexual?—Mat-su Valley Frontiersman, 25th May 2009.

Tags: Alaska, antichrist, bampots, homophobia, lgbt, United States

World's greatest troll, or genuinely obnoxious? You decide!

by Feòrag

United States: Fred Phelps has a new enemy: those dirty Yids. He's been protesting at Jewish establishments, handing out flyers blaming the Jews for killing their imaginary friend. Keeping with traditional anti-semitism, the also pretend not to know the difference between Jews in general, and the state of Israel:

Margie Phelps and three fellow church members stood on the sidewalk and held signs stating that God Hates Israel, Jews Killed Jesus, America Is Doomed, Israel Is Doomed, and ADL Jew Bullies. One of the four women had an Israeli flag tied around her waist that dragged on the ground; she stepped on the flag as she walked.

They have also added their own unique flavour of hate into the mix:

While picketing outside the Washington office of the Anti-Defamation League last Friday, Phelps' daughter Margie said that the group is now focusing on the Jewish community because church members have been testifying to gentiles for 19 years that America is doomed and they haven't gotten the message.

Now it's too late, she said. We're done with them.

Margie Phelps added that one of the loudest voices in favor of homosexuality and abortion is the Jews, especially the rabbis.

Anti-Gay Church Turns on Jews—The Jewish Exponent, 13th May 2009. Longer version of the same article here.

Tags: anti-semitism, racism, religion, United States, Westboro Baptist

Prattle sweep time again!

by Feòrag

United Kingdom: How long before the superstitionists complain about this? I'm going for before the programme is even broadcast.

EastEnders is to tackle one of the last taboos left in soap, with a storyline featuring a Muslim character embarking on a gay love affair.

MediaGuardian.co.uk can reveal that the plot, which will hit screens in mid-June, will see Syed Masood, a Muslim property developer with a girlfriend who arrived in Albert Square six weeks ago, fall for openly gay Christian Clarke. The pair will share an on-screen kiss.

The BBC has billed the storyline as a traditional love affair, albeit with a modern multicultural twist.

Extra bonus points if the Daily Mail declares this to be explicit gay sex, or similar.

EastEnders: Muslim character to have gay love affair—The Guardian, 28th May 2009.

Tags: bbc, Eastenders, Islam, lgbt, religion, United Kingdom

WILL LESBIANS TURN THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY GAY?

by Feòrag

Martin of The Lay Scientist has been hanging around the Daily Mail web site, so that we don't have to. The level of his sacrifice can be judged by a recent article which featured a reconstruction of the first modern European human, who arrived from Africa and looks kind of, well, black. It seems that the BNP supporting types don't like being reminded that humanity evolved in Africa and that white skin is a relatively recent mutation.

Rubbish. Europeans did not come from Africans and never could. This is just more anti-European propaganda, of as much real scientific merit as Piltdown Man.

Others don't like the idea that we evolved at all, and in their comments demonstrate that they never got past the single-celled stage:

We are all descended from Adam and Eve, who were most probably had brown skin and were from the middle east no more than 10,000 years ago.

Daily Mail Readers in Revolt over Black Ancestors—The Lay Scientist, 5th May 2009. Headline courtesy of the Daily Mail-o-matic.

Tags: bampots, creationism, Daily Mail, ook!

The Little Mermaid

by Feòrag

Egypt: The tentacles of the Jewish Conspiracy are everywhere, you know, especially if you're a bigoted bampot. The latest evidence is, apparently, the Starbucks logo, which is not the mermaid we all think it is, at least according to Safwat Higazi:

The girl in the Starbucks logo is Queen Esther, he insisted. This queen is Queen of the Jews.

And the crown she wears?

This is the crown of the Kingdom of Persia. This girl you see is Esther, Queen of the Jews in Persia....

Can you believe that in Mecca, Medina, Cairo, Damascus, Kuwait and all over the Islamic world hangs the picture of beautiful Queen Esther with a crown on her head and we buy her products? exclaimed Higazi. It is inconceivable.

Faith schools useless

by Feòrag

Englandshire: To no-one's surprise, a new report shows that faith schools have completely failed to improve educational standards and have instead led to social fragmentation:

Academics at the London School of Economics and the Institute of Education, both part of the University of London, found no proof that providing parents with the choice of a religious secondary school either raised results or helped drive up standards in other local schools.

The research suggests that government policies to promote a market in education - by promising parents a choice of school in the belief that the competition for children will improve standards - only create a more socially fragmented system.

The paper concludes that there is "significant evidence that religious schools are associated with higher levels of pupil sorting across schools, but no evidence that competition from faith schools raises area-wide pupil attainment".

Despite this, the government still seems to think it's a good idea, yet do not ask themselves why they thought a law against incitement to religious hatred was necessary.

Faith schools 'failing to improve standards'—The Guardian, 18th April 2009.

Six-letter word too complicated for fundies

by Feòrag

United Kingdom: Fred Phelps appears to not understand what is meant by the word "barred" and seems to believe that being banned from entry to the UK means that he will be able to picket a school in north east London next week.

A row broke out at George Tomlinson primary school in Waltham Forest, north-east London, earlier this month when some parents pulled their children out of lessons planned for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender history month. The school used books on homosexual relationships, in one case between two male penguins.

Members of the Westboro Baptist church in Topeka, Kansas – which has been the subject of a Louis Theroux television exposé – say they will picket the school next Friday afternoon.

Odds on, they're bullshitting to get attention, but we can dream of seeing them led away in chains and chucked into a detention centre before being deported on a plane chartered from Ryanair and full of drunk football fans.

What I don't understand is why Phelps is not allowed to enter the country, but another preacher of hate, with pretty much identical views on homosexuality, has been invited to visit the UK by the government.

Anti-gay US Christians threaten to picket London primary school—The Guardian, 20th March 2009.

WTF?

by Feòrag

I cannot better this headline, so here's a link to a story in Bartholomew's Notes on Religion: US Wingnuts Accuse UK Daily Mail of Being In Bed with Islamic Supremicists.

Biggots iz fick: Another face where mine had been

by Feòrag

The neo-nazi British National Party has recently produced an anti-immigration poster. They chose to illustrate it with a Spitfire.

But RAF history experts have identified the iconic Romeo Foxtrot Delta Plane as belonging not to Britons but to a group of Polish pilots instead.

The plane was actually flown by the celebrated 303 Squadron of the RAF -- made up of Polish airmen rescued from France shortly before Nazi occupation.

A BNP representative could only come up with WE MENT 2 DU DAT, DUH, ONNIST GUV.

BNP uses Polish Spitfire in anti-immigration poster —Daily Telegraph, 4th March 2009.

Tags: bampots, BNP, lolitics, neo-nazis, oops, politics, United Kingdom

Not big, not clever, but awfully funny

by Feòrag