Scotland: A Christian preacher and former Conservative candidate has been gaoled for the sexual abuse of three children, two boys and a girl. He had met the children at the Edinburgh City Mission and gained the trust of their parents.

The parents of his victims believed he was a devout Christian and let him take the youngsters to play parks and swimming pools.

Instead Smart, of Christian Crescent, Edinburgh, used the time alone with them to carry out the abuse.

But this is not the first time Smart has featured in the Prattle. Back in 2003, when he was a Tory candidate, he ranted against Pride marches and campaigned to have them banned. His outburst directly caused a group of LGBT activists to call a meeting to arrange that year's march in Edinburgh. Somehow, no-one had bothered and the march would not have happened had the activists not been reminded by him. When he said I find quite horrendous the sort of materials being provided to impressionable youngsters in schools now. It is quite vile., it was assumed he was talking about the repeal of Section 28. We now know he was talking about himself.

Preacher John Smart jailed over campaign of child abuse—BBC News, 17th January 2012. See also: Tories revert to type.—Pagan Prattle, 22nd April 2003 and Disappointment—Pagan Prattle, 20th July 2003.

England: Some myths never die. Indeed, the internet seems to enable them to spread far more quickly than before. That some people are simply violent cunts who need to be locked up never occurs to most. It's either space aliens, the Beast of Bodmin or, as in this case, some kind of imaginary Satanist.

Satanic link to Cornwall horse mutilation investigated—BBC News, 11th January 2012.

And still full of himself.

So, if someone ends up getting hurt there, will he take responsibility for his actions?

Tradition was fully observed during 2011 when, despite some strong contenders, none of the predicted ends to the world happened. But 2012 promises to be a biggie. The world is going to end in so many ways this coming year that I really should have started writing this more than 11 hours before the end of 2011.

But first, as tradition dictates, the ongoing end-of-the-world scenarios:

Scotland: Strange things are afoot at Prattle Towers. Last night I set up the Solstice Everblack and stepped back to take a photograph. When I downloaded the photo from the camera, I spotted something I hadn't noticed: Cthulhu Himself peering through the window! (click on the image to see the large version)

The likeness is unmistakable. Heretics might claim it's really the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but look - there's no attempt to hide an essentially tentacled nature here. All those people who believe that Jesus can appear in a plank of wood, or that the Virgin Mary would manifest in the form of toast will have to admit, this is the real thing. They'd better bow down to Cthulhu and accept their inevitable doom, for the evidence is undeniable.

Colombia: Scheinheiligkeit is a German word for hypocrisy, specifically that kind of hypocrisy which involves feigned innocence, an "appearance of holiness". A good example of Scheinheiligkeit would be a high-ranking representative of an organisation which has deliberately covered up child sexual abuse in its ranks groundlessly accusing another group of paedophilia.

Which brings us on to Colombian Roman Catholic bishop Juan Vicente Córdoba, who objected to the adoption of two boys by an American gay man because, well, pooves only want to have sex with children. He told newspaper El Tiempo:

I don't know him, and I do not blame him, but one thing is clear: he has homosexual tendencies, and has got a 10-year-old boy and a 13-year-old youth. Between them there will be no father-son relationship. the priest, who is also Secretary General of the Colombian Episcopal Conference, said. He will get the two children at an age when he might find them attractive. This could be a temptation. Cordoba said that it was safer to give gays two girls. [Caveat: this is translated by me from a German translation of a Spanish language article.]

I realise he's not very important to the sort of Christian who beats on about it, but didn't that Jesus chappie have something to say about this sort of behaviour? Ah yes, here we are. Matt. 7: 3-5:

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

Bischof: Schwule wollen Sex mit Kindern—Queer.de, 15th December 2011. Okay, here's a link to it on Google Translate.

Scotland: Dozens of people have complained after their names falsely appeared on a petition to the Scottish Government opposing same-sex marriage. MSPs and the Information Commissioner have heard from people whose names appeared on the petition without their consent.

Labour MSP Kezia Dugdale said a number of furious constituents had contacted her to say their names had been placed on the anti-gay marriage petition, which has been signed by former SNP leader Gordon Wilson, as well as senior figures from Scotland’s Episcopalians, the United Free Church of Scotland and the Evangelical Alliance.

Scotland for Marriage, an alliance of mostly religious organisations and opposed to marriage, was quick to blame the victims.

A spokesman for Scotland for Marriage suggested that supporters of gay marriage had placed their own names on the site in an underhand tactic to make it appear that Scotland for Marriage had dishonestly added names to the petition.

He said: This appears to be a malicious attempt to undermine the campaign. A police investigation would be welcome.

Those who found their names falsely added to the petition say that they were unaware they has "signed" the petition until it was published, suggesting that Scotland for Marriage had neglected to send out confirmation e-mail to signatories - a standard practice for online petitions. The bogus signatory who spoke to the Scotsman also did not think Scotland for Marriage deliberately added him to boost their numbers, but that someone else did so maliciously. In not applying even the simplest automated check, Scotland for Marriage have thoroughly undermined their own petition. No shenanigans required.

Bogus names discovered on petition that attacked gay marriage—The Scotsman, 16th December 2011.

Last night, Red Wolf forwarded me a link to an article. I have spent much of the intervening time wondering what on earth I could say about it, but I could only detract from the sheer amazement at reading this piece for the first time. So, without further comment, Awesome New UFO Theory: Approaching Comet is Really a Borg Cube From Jesus.

Wales: A stone circle built by neopagan students as a temple has been destroyed in what police believe to be a religiously-motivated hate crime. The circle has regularly been vandalised, but this time it is not the work of casual hooligans.

The steps giving access to the site, in the grounds of the town's Trinity Saint David University campus, were also torn apart.

Police believe that weapons, such as crow bars and pick axes, may have been used to deliberately cause as much damage to the area as possible.

Lampeter Pc Richard Marshall told town councillors at a meeting last week that the site had been maliciously taken apart and is now unsafe to use.

He also noted that the attack would have received considerably more coverage had it been a church.

While the Telegraph noted the presence of a strong Theology department at Lampeter, the town is only about 25 miles/40km from Christian extremist Steve "Birdshit" Green's stamping ground of Carmarthen. The estimated fuel costs for the journey say it all, really.

Pagan stone circle may have been destroyed in religious hate attack—The Daily Telegraph, 5th December 2011.

Africa: There are a few recent stories related to African witchcraft beliefs.

• Swaziland: Narrow escape for family suspected of practising witchcraft—The Swazi Observer, 3rd December 2011
• Ghana: The Pope And the dangers of Africa’s Witchcraft Menace—GhanaWeb, 3rd December 2011
• Ghana: Jezebel's Reincarnate: Pastor's Wife Declares In Public—Modern Ghana, 29th November 2011

United Kingdom: Religious control freaks were responsible for at least 2,823 "honour" attacks last year. And that's just the ones reported to those police forces which record such incidents. The figures came to light as the result of a Freedom of Information request submitted by the Iranian and Kurdish Women's Rights Organisation.

Its director Diana Nammi said families often tried to deny the existence of honour attacks and those who carried them out were very much respected.

She told the BBC: The perpetrators will be even considered as a hero within the community because he is the one defending the family and community's honour and reputation.

She added that there was not enough support for victims, and many needed continuing help and protection.

'Honour' attack numbers revealed by UK police forces—BBC News, 3rd December 2011.

England:

Ikhwan vice-president Rohaya Mohamad has claimed women could curb social ills by serving their husbands better than a first-class prostitute.

This from an Malaysian-based Islamic group, called Global Ikhwan supporting polygamy, and apparently, run from a Greenwich restaurant!

Even my mind boggles at this one.

Obedient Wives Club urges women: Be like prostitutes
—Evening Standard, 22nd November 2011.

I can reach people who would like to cook but are finding it difficult. It’s the same with the spiritual. If people want it, I would like to be able to point them in the right direction.

Presumably by promoting the Magdalene Laundries, nice choirboys, roasted protestants and murdered cathars.

Even my sense of the ridiculous is strained by this complete disconnect with reality.

Will she be promoting specialist luxury fresh-cooked wafers - cannibalism a speciality?

Arrrgh!

Delia Smith wants to do for Catholicism what she has done for cooking —Daily Telegraph, 21st November 2011.