November 2004 Archives

November 30, 2004

Bargain of the Day: god on a stick

Germany: Having trouble with your neighbours over that mobile phone mast in your back garden? Well why not disguise it?

For €25,000, you can get a crucifix (the item that crosses the line, geddit?) antenna from Industrieanlageabau - or a tree, complete with realistic bark.

The report says the mayor of Schwabhausen, in deeply Catholic Bavaria, has come out against such an antenna in his village church. But others have gone ahead: Everyone recognizes the church now, said Johannes de Fallois, pastor at a church in Neuburg.

Germans crucify Jesus on mobile mast - The Register. 29th November 2004.

November 24, 2004

Deya documentary

BBC Scotland's Frontline Scotland programme last night looked at Archbishop Gilbert Deya and his 'Miracle Births'. For those of you outside Scotland, the programme is now available on the BBC's website as a RealMedia stream: The Bishop, the Babies and the Miracle Births.

November 23, 2004

New tool for evangelists?

Russia: Want to send a Christmas card to aliens? Well now you can, thanks to the boffins behind the Glonass-M satellites. The launch of the latest model on 25th December, marks the start of a special extraterrestrial message service.

Glonass-M satellites orbit the Earth at the height of 20 thousand kilometers, and they can stay there forever. Information in the form of texts and drawings for extraterrestrial beings can be placed on aluminium plates, which make so-called cargo models to balance the satellite's center of mass. Official spokeswoman for the association, Elena Matveeva said that the first six informational plates were placed on the Glonass-M 12L satellite, the launching of which was planned to take place on December 25th. The plates contain the information about the enterprise and its founder, academician Mikhail Reshetnev.

We have already started accepting applications for the next Glonass-M spacecraft, which is to be launched in 2005. Anyone can submit their applications free of charge - students, enterprises and so on and so forth, Matveeva specified. First priority will be paid to information about planet Earth, the human civilization, education and modern terrestrial space technologies. The scientific association for applied mechanics does not exclude that extraterrestrial civilizations might be interested in such messages from Earth.

Russia to launch space mail for extraterrestrial civilizations - Pravda, 19th November 2004.

Bargain of the Day: Pet log.

For a Virgin, Mary sure is putting herself about a bit. Now she's shown up on a bit of wood and is for sale on eBay.

Virgin Mary apparition on wood!

This is not your grandmas grilled cheese sandwich!

These pictures have not been modified or altered in any way.

Yours for at least $20,000.

November 21, 2004

The Church of Christ, Furry.

Molatar Seth Pyragent is a missionary with a difference:

This site is dedicated to spreading the Gospel in the werewolf and furry communities. It is my hope that many trans-species people will accept Jesus as their Savior through this ministry. I will explain the etymology of this website's name. I got the idea from Werewolf Tobias' tradition of calling a werewolf stronghold a House. Well, I'm a dragon, so my ideal stronghold would be a Castle. And since this is MY website where I am MASTER, I call this my Castle.

And though he does not accept Jesus' mastery (tsk, tsk), he does feel your pain:

I too know the shame and anger about being trapped in a powerless and ugly human body. If you desire a shape-shift, please click on the P-shift essay link to your left and I will guide you. If you desire clarification of God's Word, please click on the salvation, essay, and bibliography links provided at left.

And like every other evangelist, he knows that apostrophes are a Satanic plot:

Nor do I have the time to prove everything I say with verses from the Bible. Not everything I say needs to be proven from the Bible because its basic common sense.

Health warning: Churchgoing kills.

Going to church could seriously damage your health, according to researchers at Maastricht University. The air inside a church contains high levels of carcinogens and up to 20 times the European limit of PM10s.

The researchers analysed the particulate matter concentration found in the air of a small chapel and a large basilica in Maastricht following lengthy use of candles or a simulated service in which incense was burned.

Fine particulate matter is a major ingredient in air pollution. Consisting of solid particles with a diameter of 10 microns or less, it contains different types of toxic chemicals, including soot, metals and various carcinogenic molecules.

The particles can penetrate very deep into the lungs and trigger various lung and heart conditions.

The researchers found that, after nine hours of candle-burning, the church air had PM10 levels of 600 to 1000 micrograms per cubic metre - more than four times higher than before the start of the first morning mass.

This represents 12 to 20 times the European allowed average concentration over 24 hours.

The study also found very high concentrations of polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons, also known to be carcinogenic.

Will the Irish government use EU legislation to ban incense in churches (which are, after all, a workplace) the same way it's banned smoking in pubs? Will wayside pulpits be replaced with health warnings, and will churches which advertised without mentioning the dangers be liable for damages?

Church air is 'threat to health' - BBC News, 20th November 2004 (thanks to Novice Nun the Wiser).

November 20, 2004

Nipping pansies in the bud

Leda Horticulture provides us with a thorough list of Major Reasons People Become Homosexual. Obviously, the family environment is important in ensuring children grow up to be proper heterosexuals:

2. Having a single parent. Not having two parents makes a person queerer than a treeful of pink monkeys on helium. It just does.

3. Having two parents, but with an closer relationship to the mother than to the father. Makes boys crave male love, which they seek out through becoming leather bottoms to big mean daddy bears; makes girls wish to emulate their overbearing (possibly latently lesbian themselves!) mothers, thus encouraging them to adopt behavior which makes them unattractive to men but attractive to women.

4. Having two parents, but with a closer relationship to the father than to the mother. Makes boys want feminine affection, which they look for in effeminate men because they've learned that women cannot provide them the affection they seek; makes girls tomboyish at the same time that it makes them crave feminine affection, and if you can't just see lesbianism coming a mile away with *that* dynamic in place, well, shame on you.

5. Having two parents, but with equal and substantial relationships with both mother and father. Leads to insecurity about gender roles and the appropriate places of male and female partners in marriage relationships, which makes it seem easier to form attachments to members of one's own sex.

(via perlmonger)

Damned Flick Switch On Lights

United Kingdom: A decision to invite punk rockers The Damned to switch on Cambridge city's Christmas lights has sparked controversy among church leaders.

Captain Sensible is due to join Father Christmas and city mayor Roger Dryden for the festive switch-on.

But the decision has led to fury among church leaders.

Spam Gets Religion

United States: If you've noticed a hike in the amount of religious spam in your inbox lately, there's a reason, the scum are exploiting a US loophole that exempts religious groups from bulk e-mail laws.

The growth area in unsolicited e-mail is now messages that contain religious themes. And the bad news is that unlike commercial spam, it's not illegal.

E-mail recipients are increasingly being offered religious salvation through the power of spam, according to security company MessageLabs.

The antispam company has intercepted a large number of spiritual e-mails in the last month. The company says the e-mails are legal because they don't plug products, just religious ideals.

That would be religious ideals like a Christian loan company or offers to get laid via a Chrstian dating service.

Spam gets religion - c|net, 19th November 2004.

November 17, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Virgin Rarebit

If you have a spare $100 million, you might be interested in this Virgin Mary In Grilled Cheese NOT A HOAX ! LOOK & SEE !:

You are viewing an extroidinary out of this world item!! I made this sandwich 10 years ago, when I took a bite out of it, I saw a face looking up at me, It was Virgin Mary starring back at me, I was in total shock, I would like to point out there is no mold or disingration, The item has not been preserved or anything, It has been keep in a plastic case, not a special one that seals out air or potiental mold or bacteria, it is like a miracle, It has just preserved itself which in itself I consider a miracle, people ask me if I have had blessings since she has been in my home, I do feel I have, I have won $70,000 (total) on different occasions at the casino near by my house, I can show the recipts to the high bidder if they are interested, I would like all people to know that I do believe that this is the Virgin Mary Mother Of God, That is my solem belief, but you are free to believe that she is whomever you like, I am not scamming anyone, I would like all potinetal bidders to know that this has gained alot of attention from media personell around the country, On Tuesday November 16, 2004 the Miami Herald will feature a story in thier paper on this phenomon, Also Today which is November 15, 2004 The story of The Virgin Mary In The Grilled Cheese will be aired on Channel 4 News here in South Florida, The story has been told nationwide on radio stations ect. I also would like all onlookers to understand why I am choosing to keep the high bidders ID private, I listed this once before and had all kinds of emails some were nice and funny comments but many were cruel intended, and vindictive, I ignored them but, I do not wish to subject potiental buyers to this form of invasion, The last time this was listed there were over 80,000 viewers, Like I said I recieved alot of emails that were down right cruel intended, I do not care I will not read them anyhow, but you should not waste your time being vindictive, I am asking that only serious questions about the item be emailed to me, not jokes or ridiclous comments, If you have a genuine question please do feel free to email, I am not scamming anyone I am selling this item proivided that there is a serious bid with a payment, SERIOUS BIDDERS ONLY! DO NOT BID IF YOU INTEND TO RETRACT THE BID OR FOOL AROUND, THERE IS NO RESERVE ON THIS AUCTION!! I AM STARTING IT OUT AT THE BOTTOM LINE PRICE THAT I INTEND TO SELL THIS ITEM FOR!!

How the image could be interpreted as the Virgin is unexplained, unless she has a thing for pre-raphaelite art. Still, some people are not taking this wonderful item seriously, for example: Virgin Mary's Used Gum in Grilled Cheese!! LOOK & SEE!.

This is an actual representation of what I believe is the used chewing gum once chewed by the Virgin Mary. I can't say this item is a miracle, but I can say I have had some strange luck while possessing this item. I once found 25 cents by my car in the Wal-mart parking lot. I'm sure all of you can appreciate how difficult it is to find loose change in a parking lot, much less a Wal-mart parking lot. A true miracle if there ever was one. If you require proof, I will gladly send you a picture of the quarter.

(thanks, Mike).

November 5, 2004

Offensive Saints

United Kingdom: In yet another account of political correctness run amok, the St Mary Magdalene Church of England Primary School in Islington has been asked by the council to drop the Saint from its name for feel of offending other religious groups. The parents, governors and teachers involved with the school are far from impressed.

The practice of calling schools after saints or bishops alienates people from other faiths and non-believers, say officials and councillors in Islington, north London.

Islington council plans to incorporate the existing St Mary Magdalene Church of England Primary School into a new City Academy for five- to 18-year-olds.

The church, which is giving £2 million towards building costs, has been told by the local authority — a partner in the scheme — that the name of the new school cannot be religious.

November 4, 2004

Pastor Caught at Club with Drugs

Australia: A 60-year-old religious minister was caught with drugs at an inner Sydney nightclub. Looks like he went on a bender after both his church and his wife dumped him. No word on why he was dumped.

Kevin Arthur Caulton pleaded guilty at Downing Centre Local Court to one count of possessing a prohibited drug, an ecstasy tablet stamped with a yellow smiley face.

Caulton, a repressed Uniting Church minister and hospital chaplain, was at the Exchange Hotel's Phoenix Bar on Oxford St, Darlinghurst, on October 3 when it was raided by police with sniffer dogs at 1am.

And the lesson, boys and girls, is that religion causes repression, is bad for you and will only lead to you doing stupid things.

Lions 1, Christians 0

Taiwan: Most people know that annoying lions or other large carnivores will usually result in a clue being administered by said beasties. One loony fundie didin't and on a visit to the Taipei Zoo decided that a bit of evangelical zeal was just what the lions needed. They didn't, but they did give the nutjob a good gnawing for his troubles.

A man with psychological problems leapt into the lions' den at Taipei zoo yesterday to try to convert the king of beasts to Christianity.

He was bitten on the leg and arm for his efforts.

Jesus will save you! the 46-year-old man shouted at two lions lounging under a tree a few yards away at Taiwan's main zoo.

Obviously Chen's imaginary friend didn't save him, perhaps he was trying to teach the silly sod a lesson about the dangers of teasing lions.

November 2, 2004

Today's special is spam

A most amusing Nigerian spam arrived in my mailbox just now, apparently sent to an address at antipope.org from one in South Africa:

Subject: ACCEPT YOUR BLESSINGS
From: barrgeorgehallmark@tsamail.co.za

DEAR IN CHRIST,

CALVARY GREETINGS, IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST.

I AM BARRISTER GEORGE HALLMARK, A MEMBER OF VICTORIOUS ARMY MINISTRY INC.DURING A PRAYER AND FASTING SESSION IN MY MINISTRY I ASKED FROM OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST TO GIVE ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO REDEEM MY LIFE AND PURIFY WHAT REMAINS OF MY WEALTH.

GOD DIVINELY REVEALED TO ME TO INVEST IN HIS KINGDOM THROUGH YOU AND YOUR MINISTRY /CHARITY ORGANIZATION. YOU SHOULD IMMEDIATELY CONTACT ME WITH MY E-MAIL-ADDRESS (barrg_hallmark@yahoo.co.uk)

THE WAY OUR LORD JESUS MINISTERED TO ME, THESE FUNDS WILL BE EXPANDED.

REMAIN BLESSED.
BARRISTER GEORGE HALLMARK.

I am tempted to mail back with his e-mail address, as requested.

The ultimate censorship

The Netherlands: The director of a controversial film about the treatment of women in Islam has been murdered in Amsterdam. Theo van Gogh, related to the famous painter, was either stabbed or shot - reports vary.

The perpetrator, who's said to have stuck a pamphlet to Mr van Gogh's chest, was reportedly wounded in an exchange of gunfire with a policeman. One arrest has been made.

Both the suspect and a policeman were injured and are in hospital. Ironically, Van Gogh had been working on a film about assassinated politician Pim Fortuyn at the time of his death.

Filmmaker Theo van Gogh killed -Radio Netherlands, 2nd November 2004; Gunman kills Dutch film director - BBC News, 2nd November 2004; see also Dutch MP threatened by religious loons. - The Pagan Prattle Online, 27th September 2004.

About this Archive

This page is an archive of entries from November 2004 listed from newest to oldest.

October 2004 is the previous archive.

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