July 2005 Archives

Relevant Books, 2005.

Wondering what all the fuss about Left Behind comes from? Bewildered as to why different fundies either recommend the books wholeheartedly, or condemn them vehemently, usually for different reasons than the next evangelist along? Well, perhaps this small tome can help clear things up a little.

Starting with a short Apocalyptionary, defining all those niggling little terms like eschatology, dispensationalism and Leonard Bernstein, the next two chapters detail end-of-the-world prophecy from 4000 years ago to now. This section doesn't cover Christianity alone, with examples from Zoroastrianism, Islam and a Hindu contribution concerning a goat which isn't really the end of the world, but was too amusing to leave out.

Then there's the question of who the Antichrist might be. Boyett looks at the main candidates and assesses their likelihood on a 10-point scale of his own devising. Alas, Prattle favourites George W. Bush, Prince William and Arnold Schwarzenegger are strangely absent.

After a more detailed examination of the different types of belief regarding the end times, the long words associated with them, and how believers explain away the inevitable contradictions associated with each one. we finish with a miscelleneous collection of stuff including ways in which the world might really end, whether by natural causes or through human folly.

Boyett makes some obscure bits of theology thoroughly accessible, in a style which is lively and irreverant. And the book's cheap too! Recommended.

United States: This isn't the first time the Prattle has featured a vampire killing kit, but the last one had more of an historial significance, was auctioned by Sotheby's rather than someone in desperate need of a clue about the misuse of the caps lock key and didn't appear to have been assembled by someone who watches way too many Hammer horror films.

Enjoy it in all it's eye-searing glory:

Germany: Archæologists have unearthed what appears to be the world's oldest sex toy. The sculpted and polished stone phallus was found in a cave near Ulm, and is life size.

Researchers believe the object's distinctive form and etched rings around one end mean there can be little doubt as to its symbolic nature.

It's highly polished; it's clearly recognisable, said Professor Conard.

There is also evidence that the dildo served a secondary purpose - it bears marks which show it was used for flint-knapping.

Ancient phallus unearthed in cave - BBC News, 25th July 2005.

United Kingdom: A Christian has been told that his being sacked for refusing to work Sundays was fair and did not constitute religious discrimination.

Mr Copsey, 33, of King's Lynn, Norfolk, worked for the quarry firm in his home town for 14 years until 2002. He was claiming £65,000 damages.

An industrial tribunal and appeal tribunal ruled that Mr Copsey was sacked because he refused to work a seven-day shift pattern and not because he held particular religious beliefs.

The judge found that the company had compelling economic reasons to switch to a seven-day shift pattern, which applied to all workers equally, and that alternatives to dismissal had been explored, but none found.

The alternatives to dismissal were fully explored with Mr Copsey. No sensible alternative to dismissal could be found. The tribunal found that Devon Clays had done everything they could to accommodate Mr Copsey's wish not to work on Sundays.

Christian loses Sunday working appeal - The Guardian, 25th July 2005.

The modern vampire has been influenced by goths and is a bit more fussy. You can't use just any only sharp, pointy bit of wood to get rid of them these days, you need UNIQUE ONE OF A KIND 1 DOZEN VAMPIRE STAKES:

WHAT MAKES MY STAKES SO DIFFERNT? EACH ONE IS HANDCRAFTED BY ME AND PAINTED BLACK FOR PROTECTION FOR YOU. THEY EACH HAVE ALSO BEEN ANOINTED WITH SPECIAL ESSENTIAL OILS USED FOR EXTRA PROTECTION FOR YOU. I HAVE ALSO DONE A PROTECTION RITUAL OVER THEM FOR YOU. NOT FOR KIDS THEY ARE VERY SHARP. THEY ARE 10 INCHES LONG AND COME 12 TO A BOX.

Staking a vampire in the heart with a wooden stake is the most popular way of destroying vampires. This method of killing a vampire has been around for literally hundreds of years. The stake must penetrate the vampire's heart to destroy it. In medieval times the stake was also used as prevention of vampires. Deceased individual who were thought to have a higher risk of becoming a vampire were staked in their coffins so that the stake would pin them to the ground.

SORRY PICTURES BAD I HAVE A CHEAP WEBCAM THAT SUCKS.

KEEP MY AUCTION ON WATCH PLEASE. ID REALLY LIKE TO MAKE IT ON EBAY PULSE AND I NEED THE HELP OF THE KIND HEARTED EBAY MEMBERS. IF YOU WANT ME TO WATCH YOUR AUCTION JUST MAIL IT TO ME AND I WILL IN RETURN.

I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU USE THEM FOR AFTER THEY ARRIVE AT YOUR HOME. USE COMMON SENSE AND HAPPY HUNTING

United States: Seeing as his recent attempt to call down UFOs on Las Vegas went so swimmingly, Prophet Yahweh, Seer of Yahweh has issued a new proclamation:

Beginning August 7, 2005, Prophet Yahweh, Seer of Yahweh, will start his 50 State UFO Summoning Tour 2005. During this time, UFOs will appear on Prophet's signal for radio or television news and talk shows to film and photograph.

The Prophet got a bit miffed at the local Las Vegas media outlets taking the Michael and is doing the national tour with UFOs on command for all. Yay!

David Ellis was a bad man. He did bad things, but earned lots of money from those bad things. But then he got sick, defiled allforms of medical treatment, saw god and decided to share his wealth with the gullible.

Subject: IN GOOD FAITH
From: david_ellis_5@sify.com

Hello,
My name is DAVID ELLIS, a nationality of United Kingdom, I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. It has defiled allforms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.I have notparticularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone(not even myself)but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it.

Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended familymembers as well as a few close friends. I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth.

So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, Somalia and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them.

The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of Twenty Eight Million USD that I have with a finance/Security Company abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and despatch it to charity organizations.

I have set aside 20% for you and for your time.

God be with you.
DAVID ELLIS

David claims to be from the UK, his email account is based in India and he mentions a rather diverse group of countries he claims to have either donated to or been ripped off by. I have to wonder if Mr Ellis would be interested in joining the Church of the Red Breast.

Jason Pitzl-Waters of The Wildhunt Blog is having fun with fundies who are eager to accuse him of all the things they do.

A few days ago I wrote an entry pointing out a logical fallacy in a article about Christian reactions to Harry Potter. But author Richard Abanes (whom I quote in the post) feels that I am the one committing a fallacy, specifically that I have set up a strawman to tear down.

Those of us who are thoughtfully concerned about Harry Potter are NOT committing the loigical fallacy you cite. Instead, we are saying other things that you apparently missed in your rush to find a logical fallacy.

Actually, this is the fallacy I pointed out:

According to Retail Trends, interest in Wicca materials, schools, spells has doubled since the release of the Harry Potter series.

There is no hard evidence linking a rise in the interest in Wicca to the popularity of Harry Potter. No matter how much correlation (including Wiccans who believe the books lead seekers to them) you document it still doesn't imply causation. That is a fallacy. In pointing out this fallacy I wasn't trying to erase the validity of concerned parents, I was pointing out that Harry Potter can't be used to claim a spike in sales and interest in Wicca. There is no strawman there.

His fundie correspondent, who apparently writes books on the evils of Harry Potter, then proceeded to accuse Pagans and Wiccans of specifically targetting children, because (unnamed) books on Paganism happen to mention Harry Potter. Of course, this is just an excuse to promote his book.

you quote me as saying: "Many real-world occultists and Wiccans are using the popularity of Harry Potter to bring kids into their practices." But this, my friend, is not a logical fallacy, it is a statement of fact--big difference. If you were to do a little research, you would find that Wiccans, occultists, and assorted neopagans have now produced books and other non-fiction (and fiction-based) materials that target children and use Harry Potter as a lure of curiosity (explicit references to HP, etc.). Documentation is in my book "Harry POtter, Narnia, and The Lord of the Rings" (I assume you DID read it before commenting, right?).

You can line up a hundred real-world (as opposed to what, imaginary) occultists and Wiccans but it still doesn't imply causation in the issue of Harry Potter driving people to Wicca. I know that there are books that use Potter-influenced themes written by Wiccans and occultists but that is mostly a case of Harry Potter becoming such a hugely popular book, before Potter Wiccan authors referenced other works of fantasy to make a point or to sell more books. Also is every book referencing Harry Potter targetting children? Harry Potter is also hugely popular with adults (so I hear).

Of course, Christians would never countenance targetting vulnerable members of society who are only learning to think for themselves and distinguish good information from bad. Not like those evil Wiccans who are only slightly more evangelical than Zoroastrians.

My Fallacy Is Made of Straw? - The Wildhunt Blog, 19th June 2005. See also Harry Potter and the Fundamentalist's Mind - Pagan Prattle, Samhuinn 2002.

United Kingdom: Polly Toynbee is inspired mood in today's Guardian, looking at this government's history of appeasing religion, which includes the extremist bampots. And she reminds us that it isn't just Islam that suffers from this problem:

All religions are prone to it, given the right circumstances. How could those who preach the absolute revealed truth of every word of a primitive book not be prone to insanity? There have been sects of killer Christians and indeed the whole of Christendom has been at times bent on wiping out heathens. Jewish zealots in their settlements crazily claim legal rights to land from the Old Testament. Some African Pentecostal churches harbour sects of torturing exorcism and child abuse. Muslims have a very long tradition of jihadist slaughter. Sikhs rose up to stop a play that exposed deformities of abuse within their temples. Buddhism too has its sinister wing. See how far-right evangelicals have kidnapped US politics and warped its secular, liberal founding traditions. Intense belief, incantations, secrecy and all-male rituals breed perversions and danger, abusing women and children and infecting young men with frenzy, no matter what the name of the faith.

Enlightenment values are in peril not because these mad beliefs are really growing but because too many rational people seek to appease and understand unreason. Extreme superstition breeds extreme action. Those who believe they alone know the only way, truth and life will always feel justified in doing anything in its name. You would, wouldn't you, if you alone had the magic answer to everything? If religions teach that life after death is better then it is hardly surprising that some crazed followers will actually believe it.

In the name of God - The Guardian, 22nd July 2005.

United States: A bizarre coalition of religious organisations and psychologists have teamed up to raise funds to 'prove' that porn causes brain damage. Dr Judith Reisman wants to test her hypothesis that pornography affects the physical structure of your brain turning you into a porno-zombie.

Porn, she says, is an erototoxin, producing an addictive drug cocktail of testosterone, oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin with a measurable organic effect on the brain.

Some of us might consider this a good thing. Not Reisman: erototoxins aren't about pleasure, they're a fear-sex-shame-and-anger stimulant. Reisman's paper on the subject The Psychopharmacology of Pictorial Pornography Restructuring Brain, Mind & Memory & Subverting Freedom of Speech has helped make her the darling of the anti-pornography crusade, and in November last year she presented her erototoxin theory to the US senate.

The plan is to conduct MRI scans on victims under the influence of porn, hopefully providing evidence to both sue the producers of erotic material in the same way as the tobacco industry, and to get the evil stuff banned - obviously someone under the influence of porn cannot be covered by the First Amendment, for their own good. But Mark Pilkington spots a problemette, which might explain Reisman's rather odd thinking:

But there's a catch. Much of Reisman's research in developing her theory has necessitated examining hundreds, perhaps thousands, of pornographic magazines and films. By her own reasoning her brain ought, by now, to be a seething mass of toxic smutmulch ...

Sex on the brain - The Guardian, 14th July 2005 (via El Coyote Gordo).

United States: Sometimes I hear about stories from other people, and these stories occasionally come not via a blog, but through some obscure mailing list. And they retell the tale so brilliantly, that there's no way I can get even close, but the thing isn't even linkable. The rest of this article is such a post, by Alex Elliott, reprinted with permission.

So here's the latest painfully earnest alarum from our friends at Focus on the HomosFamily:

http://www.family.org/cforum/fnif/news/a0037164.cfm

Johnson & Johnson will be advertising its brand, Tylenol PM, in the July 19 issue of The Advocate, a leading gay magazine.

The ad shows two shirtless men in bed side by side. The text over one reads: 'His backache is keeping him up.' Over the other: 'His boyfriend's backache is keeping him up.'

Johnson & Johnson has been advertising in gay media since 1996. Robert Knight, director of the Culture and Family Institute, said people need to take notice.

'A lot of corporate America has bought into the idea that they can secretly promote homosexuality without their consumers noticing out there,' he said.

Personally, I would think that this ad promotes the purchase and consumption of Tylenol PM, not homosexuality. And it's in a gay magazine - read almost exclusively by people who are already pretty much sold on the whole homosexuality thing (plus the Good and Vigilant people at FotF, of course, who seem unable to tear their eyes away from such filth).

I guess we're supposed to imagine that little Jimmy Towhead will innocently pick this magazine up off the newsstand, skip over the numerous articles about homosexuality and photographs of dozens and dozens of actual homosexuals with no ill effect, see this ad, and say, Gosh - homosexuals get backaches. I want to be homosexual so I can get backaches too! and bam! he's caught The Gay.

That's not the funniest part though. This is the funniest part:

Mike Haley, director of the gender issues department at Focus on the Family, said the gay and lesbian community has a lot of expendable income, so they are targeting big corporations who are caving to their pressure.

Apparently the FotF people live in some fantasy world where the Johnson & Johnson executives are all like, We don't want to make any profit if it comes from homosexuals, and the Evil Gay Millionaires are all like, No, you must advertise to us! Cave to our pressure! and the J&J execs are totally like, No! Gay profit bad! Money bad! and the EGMs are like, Bwahahah! You must sell us Tylenol PM or we will destroy you in some mysterious way unspecified by Focus on the Family!! and the execs are all, Oh no, we submit! We are forced to make money and delight our shareholders against our will! Woe is us!!

Or something like that. Morons.

P.S. He said Johnson. Heh-heh.

Peru: I fully expect that we will be seeing more of this satellite simulacrum, presented as a miraculous image of Jesus and therefore evidence of a Christian God who put it there.

Even if it does look more like Charles Darwin when you shrink it. Or maybe Confucious.

(via Simon)

United States: A man has been convicted of beating his 3-year-old son to death. Ronnie Paris Jr. was conviced his son would become gay if he did not 'toughen him up'.

He beat the boy so badly he became lethargic, stopped eating and began wetting himself. On Jan. 22, the skinny, underdeveloped 3-year-old went to sleep on a neighbor's deep-red couch while his parents studied Bible verses with friends from Deeper Life Ministries...

...Nysheerah Paris told the court her husband had beaten the boy in the head several times and slammed his body against a kitchen wall in the month before the boy's death on Jan. 28. The woman, who is charged with child neglect and could face 15 years in prison if convicted, told the court her husband was jealous of the baby, complained about not having enough sex and told her not to hug her son because he thought it might make the boy grow up to be homosexual.

Such ideas about masculinity and sexuality are a fundamental part of religious programmes which aim to 'treat' homosexuality. Obviously no-one told them about Bears.

Jury Finds Father Guilty In Death Of Little Boy—Tampa Tribune, 15th July 2005.

At first glance, this Virgin Mary Image on A Stone Carved by Nature, Found on the Beach does bear a resemblance to the Virgin Mary, but look more closely - in particular at the area the vendor thinks is her arm:

Three years ago I was walking along a beach in Michigan, enjoying the beautiful sunny day wrought by God's handiwork. I stepped on a stone and bent down to rub my foot when I noticed this stone was very polished and smooth. When I picked up the stone I was stunned to see that the image of our Virgin Mother was staring at me! I have kept this stone with me, showing it to friends and relatives. The image is on a raised stone upon stone. Someone noted that it may be a fossil on top of the stone. The difference with this Mary is that she appears to have a hand over her eyes, as she herself cannot face the horrors of humankind. As I hold it, I feel such a sense of security and serenity. It has been my treasure and I am now offering it to pass along the solace it has given me.

Now, if that's an arm, then the BVM has two elbows. I see two possibilities - one is that she suffered from elephantosis, the other being that it isn't the Virgin after all, but some pagan goddess, and that's a whopping great dildo she's got there!

Whilst sat in the pub last night, I said to my companions I bet Fred Phelps has something suitably obnoxious to say about the London bombings - I should check. So I did, and I was not disappointed, although he seems a little confused and appears to think that it was pedestrian tunnels that were bombed and not the Underground. The title of his article is longer than the rest of it: Thank God for the bombing of London's subway today - July 7, 2005 - wherein dozens were killed and hundreds seriously injured. Wish it was many more.

England: Island of the Sodomite Damned

Tony Blair and his Bitch Barrister Wife

These two have let England to irreversible doom, pushing the fag agenda. It is now a crime to preach God's truth about fags in England. Blair wants to be president (Antichrist) of EU (European Union), whose laws also criminalize Gospel preaching.

I don't quite get how the ban on smoking in pubs and restaurants prevents people from pointing out that smoking is bad for you and makes you stink. He's also failed to notice the biggest gay rights news in the UK -- the legislation allowing civil unions between two people of the same sex, the first of which will happen on the Winter Solstice.

Bad karma is a terrible thing, but you can absolve yourself of responsibility for your actions by investing just $7(US) in a bottle of Karma Guard:

Karma Guard will cleanse your soul and clear the air with a single spray. It contains purified water and wild Ginseng root, the same Ginseng that has been used by spiritual masters for over 2000 years for its spiritually enhancing qualities, one of which hastens the burning up or cleansing of Karma. Throw it in your purse, keep it on your desk, stick in your beach bag or workout bag, or right there on your nightstand — anywhere that bad Karma can strike.

Or you can buy it on eBay (for a bargain $29.99), and get a much more exciting description:

What is it? It’s a spray, it’s a shield, it’s a badge of awareness … it’s KARMA GUARD! Just when you thought it was safe to trash, bad mouth and dis, comes the antidote for any evil thought you may have. As you feel those nasty words leaving yours or someone else’s lips, whip out the bottle with the shield and remember: Just one spray keeps the bad Karma away. Karma Guard will cleanse your soul and clear the air. It contains purified water and wild Ginseng root; the same Ginseng that has been used by spiritual masters for over 2000 years for it’s spiritually enhancing qualities, one of which hastens the burning up or cleansing of Karma. So as the light scented mist of Karma Guard sprays across your face, it makes you stop and think … whoa, that was bad, bad, bad, bad, bad! Let the contents within this hallowed bottle put your smile back on and remind you of what good feels like. Throw it in your purse, keep it on your desk, stick in your beach bag or workout bag, or right there on your nightstand — anywhere that bad Karma can strike. Karma Guard was first conceived of 20 years ago by two hit songwriters, Andy Goldmark and Bruce Roberts, responsible for mega- records by Jessica Simpson, Cher, N’Sync, Celine Dion, Elton John, Barbra Streisand to name a few. They realized that thriving in the treacherous waters of the music business necessitated some kind of protection for one’s soul in order to survive with anything resembling a conscience, much less a shred of decency. What started out as a running joke between them, soon evolved into a tool of awareness. Even though the Karma Guard bottle and design would not spring into being until now, the concept was alive and well particularly when they or anyone around them acted with a severe lack of ethics, morals or the slightest regard for anything that was obnoxious. Just verbalizing the need for Karma Guard in any given situation was enough to summon it’s power and invoke a Karmic righting of wrong, if only imagined at the moment. It took a little time but these two guys realized that being as civilization was going to hell in a go-cart, they might as well try to save it or at least create a thought provoking detour… AND NOW-- Here it is - the ultimate road tested remedy for the Universe’s biggest, baddest boomerang - - out in time to keep you somewhat honest, partially decent but definitely mo’ better than you were before. So remember, be good to your Karma and it will be good to you. And a little spray along the way won’t hurt either… Karma Guard! You say they don't carry it on the Wal-Mart near you? Hard to believe; but this IS your lucky day! For the first time ever on eBay-- and straight from the the creators themselves-- the Ari Bhod auction for the preservation of Tibetan cultural heritage is making this available in any town in the world where Wal-Mart or Target hasn't stocked it yet. And whether you're Dick Cheney or a high lama we're starting it a price someone with PERFECT karma or less than perfect karma can afford. And no reserve. PAYMENT: PayPal or money order

Karen Armstrong has penned an interesting opinion piece for The Guardian questioning why we insist on referring to 'Islamic terror', yet never used equivalent terms to describe the IRA and other Christian terrorist organisations. She reminds us that what the Qur'an says, and the actions of certain violent bampots, bear no resemblance to one another:

We need a phrase that is more exact than Islamic terror. These acts may be committed by people who call themselves Muslims, but they violate essential Islamic principles. The Qur'an prohibits aggressive warfare, permits war only in self-defence and insists that the true Islamic values are peace, reconciliation and forgiveness. It also states firmly that there must be no coercion in religious matters, and for centuries Islam had a much better record of religious tolerance than Christianity.

Like the Bible, the Qur'an has its share of aggressive texts, but like all the great religions, its main thrust is towards kindliness and compassion. Islamic law outlaws war against any country in which Muslims are allowed to practice their religion freely, and forbids the use of fire, the destruction of buildings and the killing of innocent civilians in a military campaign. So although Muslims, like Christians or Jews, have all too often failed to live up to their ideals, it is not because of the religion per se.

She goes on to argue that fundamentalism is nothing other than nationalism wearing religious clothing. The efforts by American Christian fundies to co-opt the Stars and Stripes would seem to support that hypothesis.

Muslim organisations have been quick to emphasise that such acts are quite firmly against their religion, and have issued a fatwa declaring that the individuals reponsible, even if they consider themselves to be Muslims, are not—basically an excommunication.

Signed by dozens of prominent Muslim bodies, mosques, Islamic scholars and community groups, the religious edict will brand the attacks as a breach of the most basic tenets of Islam, reported The Independent.

If these bombers are found to be Muslims, we will make it clear we utterly dissociate ourselves from them - even if they claim to be Muslims or are acting under the mantle of the Islamic faith. We reject that utterly, said the official spokesman of the Muslim Council of Britain (MCB).

The label of Catholic terror was never used about the IRA - The Guardian, 11th July 2005; UK Fatwa to Call Bombers Unbelievers, If Proved Muslims - Islam Online, 10th July 2005.

United States: Just when you thought the Catholics couldn't manage to step any further back into the dark ages, along comes a wingnut to disabuse you of that notion.

An influential cardinal in the Roman Catholic Church, which has long been regarded as an ally of the theory of evolution, is now suggesting that belief in evolution as accepted by science today may be incompatible with Catholic faith.

The cardinal, Christoph Schönborn, archbishop of Vienna, a theologian who is close to Pope Benedict XVI, staked out his position in an Op-Ed article in The New York Times on Thursday, writing, Evolution in the sense of common ancestry might be true, but evolution in the neo-Darwinian sense — an unguided, unplanned process of random variation and natural selection — is not.

It will come as a surprise to no one that the deranged man in the frock is in bed with a loony fundie whose mission in life is spreading complete bollocks to impressionable children.

One of the strongest advocates of teaching alternatives to evolution is the Discovery Institute in Seattle, which promotes the idea, termed intelligent design, that the variety and complexity of life on earth cannot be explained except through the intervention of a designer of some sort.

Mark Ryland, a vice president of the institute, said in an interview that he had urged the cardinal to write the essay. Both Mr Ryland and Cardinal Schönborn said that an essay in May in The Times about the compatibility of religion and evolutionary theory by Lawrence M Krauss, a physicist at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, suggested to them that it was time to clarify the church's position on evolution.

Leading Cardinal Redefines Church's View on Evolution - New York Times, 9th July 2005.

One of today's additions to The Great London Bombing Conspiracy List points the finger of blame at many of the Usual Suspects in the exciting world of conspiracy theory:

The actual perpetrators of this act of terrorism are an unnamed and shadowy group of ultra-extremist left-wing republican journalists, photographers, and editors who are normally based in Southern Ontario. This fringe group of diabolical wordsmiths have a secretive history that can be traced back to the Gutenberg Revolution. It is known that this group of vile manipulators are the puppet masters largely responsible for pulling the strings of more well known but informal economic and political groups like the Freemasons, the Barvairan Illuminati, and the Buildibergers...

...The London bombings were a response to an unexpected setback to their plans for Global domination and Control. Specifically, their coordinated reportage of the recent Karla Homolka media-op somehow went awry, possibly because of an unpredictable accident of misadventure by their star player, Karla herself. This could have not occurred at a more inopportune time as the public psycho-social indicators of affect being fanned by the KH media-op were approaching a critical juncture. Left high and dry by the presumed loss of their irriplaceable media icon-subject, there was no option but to put into motion a diversionary emercency plan. Hence, the London debacle...

For those who are not entirely familiar with this particular conspiracy, it is difficult to show cause, fact, evidence, and motive. Interpretation of the relevant literature requires a great deal of study and training in a variety of difficult fields. There is no time or space in this brief article to provide much detail, but it can be said that a comprehensive Google search on key phrases contained within this text will lead to the vast majority of the critical background literature.

And then it gets so completly bizarre that one begins to wonder if we have a travesty-generated entry to the Joke Conspiracies category:

Local psycho-social indicators such as the software update to the Christie Blatchford auto-rant AI expert system, and the intensification of the Rex Murphy Psycho-Linguistic Mass Semiotic Positive Feedback Loop have been detected by our specialists, who are tirelessly watching and analysing the relevant critical indicators. Anomalous spikes in the Pseudo-Real Public Emotive Indicies have been identified, but as yet there is no conclusive linkage to a causitive originator.

That makes almost as much sense as QuePirate!

The real truth behind the London bombings. - Steve in alt.conspiracy, 9th July 2005.

Bampot tags: QuePirate, troll.

United States: Vandals have started a small fire at a church, and sprayed anti-gay slogans on the wall, apparently because they do not approve of the accepting, tolerant, nature of the Christian denomination to which it belongs.

The outside of the church was vandalized with anti-gay messages and a declaration that United Church of Christ members were sinners. The graffiti’s message appeared to be a reference to the national church’s decision earlier this week to endorse gay and lesbian marriages.

The United Church of Christ’s General Synod voted Monday in Atlanta to approve a resolution that is accepting of gay and lesbian marriages but is not binding on local congregations.

A member of the congregation discovered the graffiti Saturday morning when he stopped by to mow the grass. He went into the church building, and when he opened the sanctuary there was still a small fire.

The congregation are clearly not swayed by such devastating arguments as GAYS LOVER and plan to continue with their 225th anniversary celebrations this weekend.

Middlebrook church set fire; anti-gay messages found - Staunton News Leader, 9th July 2005 (via Chuck Currie and El Coyote Gordo).

India: An astrologer has claimed he predicted the London bombing, and has distributed undated typewritten sheets as evidence:

He distributed typed pages of what he claimed to be part of the contents of his predictions. I had in four recent issues of Babaji written about the possible terrorist attacks on the British capital London. I had said that these attacks could paralyse the transport system of London and both tube stations as well as surface transport would be hit, he told rediff.com on Friday.

If he gave the reporter actual dated copies of the magazine, the journalist strangely neglected to mention this.

I had predicted London blasts: Astrologer - Rediff, 9th July 2005.

Today's extra special offering on eBay is one of those old-fashioned, electricity hungry lightbulbs, though large utility bills won't be a problem, as it looks as if it doesn't work. But, you can't get much (any?) cash for an old lightbulb, so what's for sale is marketed as a Religious Icon Light Bulb One-Of-A-Kind True Miracle! The vendor admits that they have no idea what the miracle depicts, but those with spiritual eyesight will know. It's Said to have likeness of Jesus, Virgin Mary, or Angel.

This auction is for a one-of-a-kind, never ever intentionally created light bulb. It was FOUND in the wilderness rock hunting in Wyoming in the Big Horn Mountains about 8 years ago. It is truely a miracle. Like the grilled cheese sandwich, or the pretzel this has a likeness of what has said to be by friends and family members to be Jesus Christ, The Virgin Mary, or an Angel. This light bulb, unlike that sandwich or the pretzel is a solid piece of material that won't decay. I have been too afraid to put it into a lamp with power. Therefore I do not know if it will turn on, and I am not going to try. This is too miraculous for anyone to believe. I cannot believe I found it. Also, there is a slight crack across the top of the head, that looks like a halo. You can barely see it, but if you look close enough you will find it. This light bulb is truely miraculous. Anyone who believes in God or any religion knows the value of this bulb. So please bid with full intention to pay the item price. This is not a joke at all. It is a real light bulb with a real likeness that was probably caused by the sun hitting it. I am not totally sure what caused it, but this likeness is PURE WHITE.

Bidding starts at a mere $999.99 (US).

United Kingdom: It didn't take long for the conspiracy theorists to get to work on the London bombing, after all it couldn't possibly be the work of a few religious bampots, could it? Most of them bear a stunning resemblance to the ones surrounding September 11th 2001. So, here are the ones we have so far:

• The Illuminati and chums
• It was the Jews Israelis
• Other government conspiracies
• Religious insights
• Occult insights
• Predictions
• Joke conspiracies

A rather remarkable item has appeared on eBay today: OWN GOD'S REAL HAIR! Depicted is a lock of brown hair, tied with a white ribbon, and a remarkable claim.

You Heard it Right! You too can own a piece of Salvation, a little light in the darkness, or perhaps the ultimate Status Symbol. Forget the intangible, amaze your study groups.

Buy a Lock OF God's Hair RIGHT NOW!

You know, I expected it to be grey or white.

It's amazing what going from 'English', to Japanese, then back to English, then to German, French and finally English again does to QuePirate's rants. It almost makes sense!

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PersonSmarty Trousers! - that would be us, then. Although we're clearly not smart enough to try and engage a soft toy in theological debate (and still lose).

Bampot tags: QuePirate, troll.