January 6, 2006

Annual End-of-the-world post 2006

A little late, but seeing as none of last year's end-of-the-world predictions came true, it's time to see how we will meet our doom this year. 2006 promises to be an exciting year, with nuclear war, the start of the Tribulation, comets and asteroids hitting the earth, and some very bizarre astronomical phenomena.

February 13th is doomsday according to a Weekly World News article, published in February 2001, summarised at To Infinity and Beyond!:

This time predicting that hydogen bombs tucked into cozy spots in Washington, London and Tel Aviv will be simul-detonated by terrorists. (as opposed to, say, Girl Scouts) This, the WWN assures the reader, will kick-start WWIII and Armageddon...Or at the very least, another 12 hour memorial break in programming on the Home Shopping Network.

The same source tells us that the Sun, another US tabloid and not the British publication of that name, assures us that Jesus will be back this year. A Brief History of the Apocalypse remind us that the Bible Codes forecast nuclear Armageddon this year. Well, it has to be this year seeing as it hasn't happened yet.

An atomic holocaust started by Syria is to take place between the years 2000 and 2006, according to Michael Drosnin's book The Bible Codes (O'Shea p.178). Here's an excerpt from Drosnin's discredited book: I checked 'World War' and 'atomic holocaust' against all three ways to write each Hebrew year for the next 120 years. Out of 360 possible matches for each of the two expressions, only two years matched both - 5760 and 5766, in the modern calendar the years 2000 and 2006. Rips later checked the statistics for the matches of 'World War' and 'atomic holocaust' with those two years and agreed that the results were 'exceptional.'

Remember way back when it was revealed that Prince William is the Antichrist? Well, the same prophet responsible for that revelation has something to say about 2006.

Interestingly, the omen in Revelation 12 will literally play itself out in the western skies over Israel on March 29, 2006 during a Total Solar Eclipse of the Sun, with Virgo ('Woman clothed with the Sun, Moon under her feet') having in her belly the planet Venus (Child) with Mars (Red Dragon) seemingly awaiting nearby. It should prove interesting.

2006 is also the start date for a couple of trend which will continue over the next 6 years: Increasing disregard of prophecy; " Evidence" found promoting Magdalene heresy ... World War III/ Comet strike; US devastated/ Israel attacked/ A dark age begins. But this isn't the end of the world yet: We have already entered the "'Pre-Tribulation period" from January 2006 to December 2012; the seven years of tears which work up toward an end-world destruction scenario in 2012; yet is before the final seven years of Biblical Tribulation. Just so we can be sure of his dates, he reminds us of a different Bible Code based destruction: It should also be noted that the catalyst timeframe may have been recorded within the Hebrew Bible Code Matrix in relation to a comet striking the earth between the years 2006-2012.

The folk at religioustolerance.org have collected a few more predictions:

  • Annie Stanton predicts that a 14.4 mile long asteroid will collide with the earth. Jesus will arrive and a 1000 year period of peace will start.
  • According to an E-mail that we received, the writer believes that 666, the number of the beast mentioned in the biblical book of Revelation, is really a date: 06/06/06 or 2006-JUN-6. He expects the rapture and start of the tribulation on that date.
  • A movie The Beast is in pre-production as of 2004-SEP. The story involves the discovery that Jesus Christ never existed. The authors of the Gospels, writing 40 to 90 years after the supposed life of Christ, never intended for their works to be read as biographies. The screen play involves apparently involves a momentous event in 2006-JUN-06 (6-6-06). What the event is is unclear. The staff have been sworn to secrecy.

Most prophecy collectors have notice that The Family (née The Children of God) believe the world will end this year, and are apparently stockpiling supplies in Indian caves.

Back to the Bible Codes, Exodus2006 has loads of predictions for the year ahead, nearly all with precise dates. The first event is but a couple of days off: 8 of Tevet 5766 (8th Jan 2006) - He departed for the terror, day of night for the UN

A very precise forecast comes from T. Chase, and he felt it important enough to post it in UPPER CASE at the top of his Revelation 13: prophecy calendar, recent past and future dates -- 2006 and beyond -- New Age, Bible prophecy, King James version Bible Code, and astrology predictions of world events:

RED ALERT: I AM WORRIED THAT A MAJOR EVENT COULD OCCUR IN EARLY 2006 THAT WILL SEND THE FOURTH HORSEMAN OF THE APOCALYPSE (DEATH) RIDING! I DON'T KNOW FOR SURE WHAT IT IS, IT COULD BE A MUSLIM ABOMB OR BIOWEAPON TERRORIST ATTACK, BIRD FLU, A GIANT TIDAL WAVE, OR AN ASTEROID HEADED FOR EARTH. OR THIS COULD BE A NATURAL DISASTER SUCH AS AN EARTHQUAKE OR TIDAL WAVE, OR A DISEASE SUCH AS BIRD FLU, HITTING THE MUSLIM COUNTRIES BECAUSE OF MUSLIM TERRORISM. SEE BELOW FOR MORE ON THIS.

He thinks the Antichrist is not Prince William, but Vladimir Putin, and he has also seen the relevance of 6th June:

June 6, 2006. 6-6-06, 666 being the number of the Antichrist. A day of Satanic power? Note that this is 40 years after 6-6-66 (June 6, 1966), 40 years being associated in the Bible with a peroid of testing. Note that AIDS was first announced on June 5, 1981, when it was first detected in five men in Los Angeles. So June 5 2006 will be the 25th anniversary of AIDS, 1 day before 6-6-06. Could it be that AIDS is one form of the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse, Death?

Strangely enough, the next World Conclave of AIDS activists The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence starts on that very day in Los Angeles. It cannot possibly be a coincidence!

Remember the UFO coin story? Well, the author of The galactic superwave end of the world LaViolette end times end of the world apocalypse end of all connects a similiar coin to tumultuous events in spring 2006: the ancient cyclical destruction no less!

Anyway, that should be enough to keep you busy for the year.

10 comments

Tummy acke! And only because I laugh so loud about these stories. Although it makes me sad to think that people really believe this sh*t.

Dammit, how come the Church of the SubGenius always seems to be left out of these end-of-the-world articles? Three days ago, we released our press release declaring that the world will end on July 5, 2006. You can read it here:

http://i-newswire.com/pr53120.html

Have a nice day. :)

Blame Google, or your newswire, or the blue sheep that taps all the phone lines and filters out the Truth or something.

user-pic

"Interestingly, the omen in Revelation 12 will literally play itself out in the western skies over Israel on March 29, 2006 during a Total Solar Eclipse of the Sun, with Virgo ('Woman clothed with the Sun, Moon under her feet') having in her belly the planet Venus (Child) with Mars (Red Dragon) seemingly awaiting nearby. It should prove interesting."

Umm yes... Except that there won't be any planets in or near Virgo on that date - and I'm talking about both the astrological and astronomical constellations. And Mars will be on the opposite side of the sky to Venus.

Have you seen the latest crop at www.prophecies.us? In the middle of a long series of what will befall America this year is this: "Cheney becomes President then dies from heart ailment before 2008 election. Cheney's two year presidency will parallel Gerald Ford. Both Ford and Cheney will later be found out as secret porn actors."

Eh??

Wow, Val, that's an amazing site! I don't think I fancy seeing that porno movie though. This prediction from the same person also amused me:

"The gay cowboy movie "Brokeback Mountain" cleans up at the Oscars. This reflects the gay energy in high places like Presidency and other prominent gay military and Christian men in general."

I don't suppose there's any chance that these idiot's heads will explode when their moronic predictions fail to come true.

I particularly like the one about the return of Jesus. I'd love for him to front up to the Christian loons and announce that they got it all wrong, but I suspect they'd just shoot him.

No, you won't see any exploding heads unfortunately. If you look at the forum and browse amongst last year's posting, you;ll find loads of predictions that have inexplicably failed to come about. Never seems to stop them from posting more predictions.
Actually, I don't go there very often - these idiots only ever seem to predict really bad things; in fact, some seem to delight in visualising and describing millions of people dying horribly. Sick and depressing.

ND F DYS WLL CME VN F T S W WNTD R NT T S JST BRGLR WH T STL VYTHNG N R HSE R N R SLVS. TH VRY TRTH S LL RVLTNS THT WS WRTTN N TH BK F GD, JSS CHRST, WHCH S TH BBL WR LL TR, VN TH RL F PPCY ND TH .S. BT WHR S TH RB CNTRY N TH SCNR, S THS RGN CLD NVD SRL LK TH SYNG F RNN PRZ. NLY JSS KNW VRYTHNG BT S VN N TH TM F BRHM N TH L DYS TH LD TSTMNT NTL TH CMNG GIN F JSS CHRST NLY H ND NTHNG BT H (JSS CHRST) WLD KNW NT STN R NYTHNG LS N THIS NLY JSS CHRST WLL B TH FRST ND TH LST. LL STN TRPS WLL BW THR HDS, STN WLL SHK ND BW HS HDS T ND FRM JSS, STN S NTHNG S CMPR T JSS JSS S VRYWHR JST CLL HS NM N JS NM W PRY. MN.

The decision to disemvowel rather than delete the above advertising was a hard one to make. By disemvowelling, we get to see the true lunacy of the all-caps ad, and I didn't remove any punctuation -- it really was that short on it.

What is it with bampots and the capslock key? Does the drool jam it in the on position?

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This page contains a single entry by Feòrag published on January 6, 2006 3:19 AM.

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