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February 2, 2003

It's all so obvious.

by Feòrag

Now they've had time to think, conspiracy theorists are coming up with some impressive 'explanations' of the Columbia accident. AntiGravity Al insists that Columbia shot down by HAARP of our DoD. It seems that Neil Armstrong was secretly a woman:

Man has never been more than 300 miles above the final layer of our atmosphere, the ionosphere, or his head would explode and his blood would boil, without being injected with substitute blood, hydrazine solution. Maybe a few astronauts have done this to their bodies and souls and are sworn to secrecy in a kind of occult cabal. If they ever "leak" the truth, they are dead astronauts.

There were several animals on board, including ants which were being used to test the effects of low gravity on the formation of the holy "manna" of the Bible, which is actually a secretion from the anuses of ants. Because:

One of the shuttle astronauts would have revealed the truth of our space program secrecy, and some of the inner dark secrets of the occult control of our NASA.

And because Bush needs the money to spend on killing Iraqi civilians and taking over the world, he ordered a test of the HAARP ELF weapon and used it to shoot down Columbia. Meanwhile, in It's all becoming clear now, 'qaz' comes up with the same conspiracy I offered yesterday, but takes it much further:

Everyone says there's no way the shuttle could've been shot down.
Well, this is true, considering the technology available.
But, consider this: Saddam has extraterrestial technology, and is using it against us.
Check it out: http://english.pravda.ru/main/2003/01/31/42821.html
Now I know some of you skeptical people will say this is just utter nonsense, but I'm sure those of us like Bushsucks will take this to heart and be able to connect the dots.
The only problem is that if the Iraqis did it, it rules out the possibility of the CIA being involved.....or does it?
Everyone KNOWS the US has been in contact with aliens and has been exchanging technology with them, so once you sit down and figure it all out, you have to admit that the same aliens which the US has been in cahoots with since at least the infamous Roswell incident are probably also working with Saddam.
In other words, both nations are controlled by the same evil alien empire.

This post is of course bullshit, we are reassured at the end, destroying my hope that he actually believed it.

Posted in Conspiracies at 13:33. Last modified on September 28 2006 at 23:43.
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