All Hail King John!

by Feòrag

Scotland: The Herald's reporters are confused. The Prattle first reported that Pagans had been blamed for a series of weird attacks on horses back in October, though it turned out to be a combination of King Kevin and the over-active imaginations of a few journalists. The SSPCA subsequently apologised for linking Pagans to the attacks, but no-one told The Herald.

According to David Montgomery in today's paper, an expert in religiously motivated crime has been called in by animal welfare workers to help investigate a series of attacks on horses that may be linked to the occult calendar and connected with the work of shamans or witch doctors.

Someone looked at statistics for various attacks and they seemed to start in October and end at Easter. This might tally with the occult calendar, said [Doreen Graham, a spokeswoman for the SSPCA]. The god of the horse is Mars, and the day that relates to Mars is Tuesday. Some of the attacks happened late on a Monday night or early on a Tuesday.

Easter is a well-known Pagan holiday, yet no-one seems to have made a connection with those months being dark, something even a nutter (the most likely suspect) will notice.

The SSPCA inquiry, being run jointly with the RSPCA in England, will continue until December, after which Dr Hoskins and John MacIntyre, the chief pagan for Scotland, will analyse the results.

The Pagan Federation's representative for Scotland was unavailable for comment on his sudden promotion. Occult expert in hunt for horse attackers—The Herald, 21st February 2003.

Tags: animal abuse, John Macintyre, Kevin Carlyon, Scotland