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April 2, 2004

Bargain of the Day: DIY Hell House Kit

by Red Wolf

United States: Always eager to cash in on whatever the cool kids are doing, a group of loony fundies have cottoned onto a recent ploy by the evangelicals to create hell houses for Halloween with the intention of literally scaring the hell out of the mindless and gullible. Figuring that evangelicals aren't too hip to anything creative, there are several groups who sell DIY kits.

Included in the kit is a video of the previous year's Arvada Hell House and a special effects CD. According to Roberts' literature, the CD includes the voice of suicide, the voice of God, and the bone-chilling demon declaration of 'HELL HOUSE' in the opening scene... The 1999 price of the kit was $199 U.S. It has since gone up to $208.80. He commented to National Public Radio: We're not doing this to win a popularity contest. We're saying look, sin is hurting our nation and Jesus Christ is the answer to what you're going through. Roberts has received international attention through an appearance on the Phil Donahue Show, and reports in the London Times, MS Magazine, New York Times, Newsweek, etc. He told the Denver Post that the exhibit was designed to show young people that they can go to hell for abortion, adultery, homosexuality, drinking and other things unless they repent and end the behavior. In his first three years of business, Roberts sold 300 kits, had 20,000 guests. His own Hell House reports about 7,000 or 35% Christian conversions (instances of personal salvation). Admission is $7.00 U.S. or $6.00 if you have brought canned goods for the needy. Bill Geerhart has recorded a somewhat unsympathetic blow-by-blow account of his passage through the Arvada Hell House.

New Creation Evangelism, Inc of Clearwater FL sells a Judgment House® kit. Its literature describes it as an 8 scene drama that makes people aware of the reality of heaven and hell. It shows them the joy of having a relationship in Heaven with Jesus. Also shown is hell, the ultimate haunted house, which is where they will spend eternity if they do not accept Jesus Christ as their personal Savior... Their kit is more expensive than the one for Hell Houses; it costs $250 U.S. But for this expenditure, a participating church becomes a Covenant church. They receive a new script each year, attend a training conference. Also included is a manual, advertising kit and telephone support.

As you'd expect, these little fantasy scenarios are populated by the usual fundie bullshit and lies. But they do offer some warm and fuzzy advice that gives you a real indication of just how much these arseholes love their fellow man:

Pieces of meat placed in a glass bowl to look like pieces of a baby... purchase a meat product that closely resembles pieces of a baby.

Theatrical Blood. Because a large amount of blood is used in this scene and in others, someone should be responsible for mixing a vat of it each evening...

Chrissy [the woman having an abortion] starts crying. She is extremely distraught... the medical staff is cold, uncaring, abrupt, and completely insensitive...

Halloween Hell House, Judgment Houses and Revelation WalksReligious Tolerance, via Darren Barefoot.

Posted in Religious Tat at 02:23. Last modified on October 15 2007 at 10:22.
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1: Posted by: Miss Poppy Dixon | April 10, 2004 4:39 PM

Bill's article is published on my site and inspired me to go to a local Hell House held in the parking lot of an Orange Country mall.

It was really cold and we had to stand in line for over an hour, blasted by the same repeated refrains of a Danny Elfman soundtrack. Demons came out occasionally to initmidate us, but were rather feckless.

Finally, inside we were lead through the standard maudlin schtick. The worst part was that they were burning plastic water bottles to create smoke. It was noxious. In the Hell room they had old fashioned open space heaters to keep the demons, with their flowing robes, warm. It was a disaster waiting to happen. It was dark, and the exits were unmarked. They recreated Hell very well.

I was groped by a strapping Christian high school boy who made a suggestive comment. It wasn't really surprising.

The evangelists who told their stories at the end were pathetic, trying to dress up their tawdry lives as sterling examples of people snatched from the jaws of world depravity.

Thank God for the pumpkin donuts at the nearby Krispie Kreme.

Miss Poppy

Wax lyrical

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