This has been everywhere already. but...

by Feòrag

United States: There are some people who believe that freedom of speech gives them the right to loudly harass people, threaten them, call them names and stop them getting on with their work. Faced with evangelists on the New York subway, 'Nugget' eventually snapped:

If you all don't lower your voices and cease calling me Satan, I will have to sing show tunes.

The other straphangers look at me with stony faces.
I begin to sing.
Its very clear, our love is here to stay. Not for a year, but forever and a day...

Preacher lady and the Jesus police start mumbling and beseeching G_d to strike me down and boil me in molten tar. (I look better in silver.)
The train reaches Wall Street. Confused subway riders check out the scene. I begin swaying and feeling the music.

The slamming Bible man looks like he is going to pop a blood vessel. I cast ye out, Satan.

I go into jazz dance crouch and then spring up to belt out, THAAAAAAT OLD BLACK MAGIC, HAS ME IN A SPELL...

Bible man has to get off the train as I wriggle and shimmy. That same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine!

Bible man exits. SHOW TUNES 1, FUNDAMENTALISTS 0.

I wish someone who can sing had dealt similarly with the character I saw in Trafalgar Square last Saturday - some lunatic with a PA was threatening passers-by that his imaginary friend was going to get them if they didn't do as he said.

Crazy Train or Emotional Subway Attack - Ladies Village Improvement Society, 17th September 2004.