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United States: Tired of dealing with the cruel taunts of Christian Fundamentalist preachers, FistOn.Org
has developed their own thoroughly scientific method of dealing with this rightwing menace. They capture them, shrink them and sell them as pets.
They come complete with helpful pet care tips.
Your preacher has never been four inches tall before; neither has it ever found itself screaming inside a fruit jar with holes in the lid. It will therefore feel a tad frightened and mistrustful, and may rend its little preaching garment in a droll sort of despair, just like a real Biblical character, whoever that was. When you arrive home, your pet will likely be all tuckered out from damning you to eternal hell.
And don't think you can't interact with your new pet.
Some people prefer to have their pets professionally groomed. You can groom yours yourself, however, in the privacy of your own home. A kitchen blender can provide a stimulating whirlpool bath. For a liberating steam room experience, try immersing your preacher for 2 to 3 minutes in a heated pressure cooker. Pat dry. Now, it is time fordefrocking. Get your pet out of those drab clerical togs and into a gold lamé tank top and pedal pushers from your sister's old Barbie collection. Add a hair ribbon, plus a few tiny band-aids, et voila!—has Armageddon ever looked cuter?
If ya can't beat 'em, shrink 'em and sell 'em as pets!
Collect the whole set now. And be on the lookout for their upcoming line of tiny, bio-engineered senators, representatives and presidential cabinet members.
Day Views: A Pet Care Manual - Windy City Media Group, 23rd February 2005.
Posted in
Intentional Humour
at 04:31. Last modified on December 14 2007 at 16:38.
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