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It looks like QuePirate has started a trend among those who are too insane to work out how to get free web space. This time it's a xilliontherockopera who's abusing eBay, and rather than listing something for sale, is using the space to rant about their imaginary friend in A LECTURE. JESUS APPEARED TO ME. I KNOW WHERE HEAVEN IS. AFTER 21 YEARS I AM READY TO GO PUBLIC WITH THIS.
JESUS APPEARED TO ME. JESUS REVEALED SEVERAL THINGS TO ME. FIRST, THE PRECISE LOCATION OF HEAVEN. YOU SEE, WHEN WE DIE WE WILL BECOME STARS! LITERALLY STARS! JESUS CHRIST IS OUR SUN. (YES, EARTH'S SUN.) THAT IS WHY WE ARE HIS... BECAUSE WE COME ON ONE OF HIS PLANETS. WHEN WE DIE AND BECOME STARS WE, TOO, WILL BE BLESSED WITH WONDERFUL SPECIAL PLANETS WHICH ORBIT US AND WHICH BRING US GREAT HAPPINESS AND JOY. GOD ALSO IS A STAR. THE FIRST AND THE GREATEST. TWO THOUSAND YEARS AGO JESUS SAIDI AM THE LIGHT OF THE WORLDANDI AM THE BRIGHT MORNING STAR.WHEN HE SAID THESE THINGS JESUS WAS PLANTING THE SEEDS FOR MODERN MAN TO UNDERSTAND THAT JESUS IS THE SUN AND WHEN WE DIE WE WILL HAVE HEAVENLY BODIES LIKE HIS (STARS.) JESUS REVEALED TO ME THE SOLUTIONS TO SEVERAL OTHER MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE. THESE INCLUDE THE CURE FOR CANCER AND THE SOLUTION FOR THE ACHIEVEMENT OF WORLD PEACE. I WILL SHARE THESE, OF COURSE. AND JESUS HAS A MESSAGE FOR HUMANKIND. IF WORLD PEACE COMES (THROUGH HIS SOLUTION) THERE WILL BE NO MORE NATURAL DISASTERS. IF WORLD PEACE DOES NOT COME SOON THE EARTH WILL BE DOOMED.
I WELCOME ALL QUESTIONS VIA EBAY.
MOST IMPORTANTLY: I'LL SPEAK AT NO CHARGE UNDER THE CORRECT CIRCUMSTANCES. CONTACT ME VIA EBAY TO DISCUSS DETAILS. I WILL TRAVEL ANYWHERE IN THE USA TO GIVE THE APPROXIMATELY TWO HOUR LONG PRESENTATION WHICH WILL GLADLY INCLUDE SIGNIFICANT QUESTION AND ANSWER TIME. THE COURSE OF HISTORY IS ABOUT TO BE CHANGED IN A VERY BIG WAY. I AM A PRACTICING LICENSED REGISTERED NURSE. I CAN PROVIDE EXCELLENT REFERENCES TO ASSURE A SERIOUS INQUIRER THAT I AM BRIGHT, TRUSTWORTHY AND LIKEABLE.
I'D LIKE TO START TO TELL JESUS' SOLUTION FOR THE ACHIEVEMENT OF WORLD PEACE. IT IS SO SIMPLE! WHAT IT WILL TAKE IS FOR AN AMERICAN PRESIDENT TO SET A GOAL FOR WORLD PEACE BEFORE 2021. (YOU SEE, PRESIDENT KENNEDY SET A SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE GOAL FOR THE USA TO LAND A MAN ON THE MOON IN THE 60'S AND THAT GOAL WAS MET.) ACCORDING TO JESUS, IT WILL TAKE A SIMILAR GOAL... A PRESIDENTIAL GOAL FOR WORLD PEACE BEFORE 2021. SO PLEASE, EVERYONE, WRITE (1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC 20502 or fax to 202-456-2461) OR EMAIL (president@whitehouse.gov) THE PRESIDENT AND ASK THAT HE DO THIS SIMPLE THING. I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR YEARS.. I HAVE COME TO REALIZE THAT THE PRESIDENT RARELY GETS ANY PERSONAL MAIL OR MESSAGES. BUT PERHAPS IF HE RECEIVED THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF REQUESTS TO DO SUCH A NOBLE THING....
AGAIN... I WELCOME ALL QUESTIONS VIA EBAY.
REGARDING JESUS'S 'CURE FOR CANCER...' THE 'CURE' IS ACTUALLY THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE PRECISE AND SOLE CAUSE OF CANCER. WE ARE ALREADY ACUTELY AWARE OF THE ROLES OF CARCINOGENS, HEREDITY, ENVIRONMENT, DIET ETC.. BUT UNTIL NOW WE HAVE NOT TRULY KNOWN THE PRECISE CAUSE OF CANCER. CANCER OCCURS WHEN WE EAT OUR OWN FLESH (FOR EXAMPLE BITING CUTICLES OR BITING LIPS...) AFTER THE PIECE OF FLESH IS DIGESTED, MICROSCOPIC PARTICLES OF DNA ENTER THE BLOOD STREAM TO BE UTILIZED AS FOOD. IF A VULNERABLE CELL PICKS OF A PIECE OF ONE'S OWN DNA, THE NUCLEUS IDENTIFIES THE FOOD AS SELF AND THE NUCLEUS 'CIRCUIT IS BLOWN.' THE NEXT TIME THAT CELL GOES TO DIVIDE, IT DIVIDES INTO FOUR INSTEAD OF TWO AND THE MUTATION (TUMOR) CONTINUES. AN INTERESTING CORRELATION TO CHRISTIANITY HERE... JESUS TOLD US 2000 YEARS AGO TO TAKE HIS BODY AND EAT IT.. NOW HE WANTS US TO KNOW NOT TO EAT OUR OWN FLESH BECAUSE IT IS DEADLY.
AGAIN, I WELCOME ALL QUESTIONS VIA EBAY. AND I REPEAT.. I WILL SPEAK AT NO COST UNDER THE CORRECT CIRCUMSTANCES, FOR EXAMPLE AT A SCHOOL OR A CHURCH OR A YOUTH RALLY.. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO EXTEND INVITATIONS TO ME TO SPEAK PUBLICLY. I WILL GIVE SERIOUS CONSIDERATION TO EACH ONE.
Presumably when Jesus said I AM THE BRIGHT MORNING STAR
, it was him admitting that he was Lucifer, and any fundie will tell you that that's Satan!
Posted in
Superstition and Other Silliness
at 12:41. Last modified on September 28 2006 at 23:43.
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Comments
1: Posted by: Red Wolf | March 21, 2005 11:08 AM
Somebody show this guy the caps lock key. It looks like the only lowercase text was a cut and paste job.
Evangelism, witnessing and similar activitites go by one name here—, and is no different from spam for viagra, penis enlargement products and pornography. We do not take advertising. If you want to advertise your imaginary friend, please spend your own money on your own web space to do so. Any attempts to use the comments section for advertisements will be deleted, and the perpetrator barred, unless they are particularly stupid, in which case I reserve the right to pinch an idea from Teresa Nielsen Hayden and delete all the vowels.
This is not a contacts site. If you are looking for help regarding a particular path, I suggest The Witches' Voice, which does operate a contacts service.
Allowed HTML:
a href, b, br, p, strong, em, ol, ul, li, blockquote, q, pre. If your name has accents in it, things will work better if you use the XHTML entities for those letters. The same applies if you are using a word processor to compose your comment, then copying and pasting the text—either turn off curly quotes and avoid using em-dashes, or edit your comment after pasting to get rid of them. Garbled comments usually get deleted.