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July 11, 2005

Bargain of the Day: Karma Guard

by Feòrag

Bad karma is a terrible thing, but you can absolve yourself of responsibility for your actions by investing just $7(US) in a bottle of Karma Guard:

Karma Guard will cleanse your soul and clear the air with a single spray. It contains purified water and wild Ginseng root, the same Ginseng that has been used by spiritual masters for over 2000 years for its spiritually enhancing qualities, one of which hastens the burning up or cleansing of Karma. Throw it in your purse, keep it on your desk, stick in your beach bag or workout bag, or right there on your nightstand — anywhere that bad Karma can strike.

Or you can buy it on eBay (for a bargain $29.99), and get a much more exciting description:

What is it? It’s a spray, it’s a shield, it’s a badge of awareness … it’s KARMA GUARD! Just when you thought it was safe to trash, bad mouth and dis, comes the antidote for any evil thought you may have. As you feel those nasty words leaving yours or someone else’s lips, whip out the bottle with the shield and remember: Just one spray keeps the bad Karma away. Karma Guard will cleanse your soul and clear the air. It contains purified water and wild Ginseng root; the same Ginseng that has been used by spiritual masters for over 2000 years for it’s spiritually enhancing qualities, one of which hastens the burning up or cleansing of Karma. So as the light scented mist of Karma Guard sprays across your face, it makes you stop and think … whoa, that was bad, bad, bad, bad, bad! Let the contents within this hallowed bottle put your smile back on and remind you of what good feels like. Throw it in your purse, keep it on your desk, stick in your beach bag or workout bag, or right there on your nightstand — anywhere that bad Karma can strike. Karma Guard was first conceived of 20 years ago by two hit songwriters, Andy Goldmark and Bruce Roberts, responsible for mega- records by Jessica Simpson, Cher, N’Sync, Celine Dion, Elton John, Barbra Streisand to name a few. They realized that thriving in the treacherous waters of the music business necessitated some kind of protection for one’s soul in order to survive with anything resembling a conscience, much less a shred of decency. What started out as a running joke between them, soon evolved into a tool of awareness. Even though the Karma Guard bottle and design would not spring into being until now, the concept was alive and well particularly when they or anyone around them acted with a severe lack of ethics, morals or the slightest regard for anything that was obnoxious. Just verbalizing the need for Karma Guard in any given situation was enough to summon it’s power and invoke a Karmic righting of wrong, if only imagined at the moment. It took a little time but these two guys realized that being as civilization was going to hell in a go-cart, they might as well try to save it or at least create a thought provoking detour… AND NOW-- Here it is - the ultimate road tested remedy for the Universe’s biggest, baddest boomerang - - out in time to keep you somewhat honest, partially decent but definitely mo’ better than you were before. So remember, be good to your Karma and it will be good to you. And a little spray along the way won’t hurt either… Karma Guard! You say they don't carry it on the Wal-Mart near you? Hard to believe; but this IS your lucky day! For the first time ever on eBay-- and straight from the the creators themselves-- the Ari Bhod auction for the preservation of Tibetan cultural heritage is making this available in any town in the world where Wal-Mart or Target hasn't stocked it yet. And whether you're Dick Cheney or a high lama we're starting it a price someone with PERFECT karma or less than perfect karma can afford. And no reserve. PAYMENT: PayPal or money order

Posted in Religious Tat at 14:26. Last modified on September 28 2006 at 23:43.
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