January 11, 2007

Passion of the Christ even more Satanic

It seems that Cutting Edge Ministries are not the only bunch of loony fundies to see all sorts of weird Illuminati symbolism in The Passion of the Christ, as a quick Google reveals. Barbara Aho starts off with a bit of pedantryTechnically, the last twelve hours of the life of Jesus Christ on earth were those preceding His Ascension, however Gibson’s movie covers the betrayal, trial and crucifixion of Jesus—before observing that some of the actors had dubious pasts (and here was me thinking that forgiving of past sins was a Christian thing. Oopsikins). Then it gets interesting, in the way we appreciate here at Prattle Towers (both hemispheres).

Continue reading "Passion of the Christ even more Satanic"

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It's just a gorefest, okay?

Darn those pesky reviewers who will read deep meaning into Mel Gibson's films, when all he intended was that we be entertained by endless graphic violence! Take yesterday's Grauniad as an example. The "Society" supplement included a discussion of the piece by Giles Fraser, vicar of Putney and a lecturer in philosophy at Wadham College, Oxford. He notes criticism such as that we've already seen.

Apocalypto has been broadly condemned for its racist stereotyping, and historians have pointed out that mass human sacrifice was unknown in Mayan culture.

And he also notes its obvious evangelical intent:

The film's final scene is a shocker. As the gorefest plays itself out, a boat rows ashore bringing Spanish conquistadors and a monk holding high a simple cross. The Mayans look on dumbstruck. The old sacrificial system is about to give way to Christianity. Thus Gibson redescribes the genocide conducted by the conquistadors as a morality tale in which Christianity saves indigenous peoples from the Mayan death cult.

But his main point is that the notorious anti-semite has used the Mayans as a synonym for Jews.

But it's not really Mayans that are in view here. And perhaps that's why Gibson didn't care enough to get the cultural references right. Unfortunately this film is yet another chapter in his none too healthy obsession with Judaism. For Mayan pyramids read Jewish temple. Gibson knows that Jewish temple worship only involved animal sacrifice. None the less, his Mayan high priest draws from some of the worst caricatures of the bloodthirsty Jew as invented during the middle ages.

He's also concerned that the movie represents a sort of theological thinking that Jesus appears to have specifically opposed:

The root cause is a theology associated particularly with Anselm and Calvin. Human beings are wicked and can only make it to heaven if they are punished for their sin, thus righting the scales of justice and wiping clean the slate. The problem is, human wickedness is so deep that the required punishment would be too much for us to bear. So Christ offers to take our place, accepting our punishment in the form of an excruciating crucifixion. It's the story of salvation, as read by the religious right. All sin must be paid for with pain....

Jesus put it pretty clearly when he quoted his favourite passage of the Hebrew scriptures: I desire mercy and not sacrifice. The retributive logic that sin can be cancelled by pain is just what Christ resisted.

Now, this is one of the articles on which the Guardian has invited comments, and they are as entertaining as the one on the Intelligent Design apologia, but in a different way. LabanTall is a believer in the sort of violent Christianity that Fraser and Jesus criticise, and has spotted that our correspondent has an obviously Jewish name:

If it's true that Mr Fraser is a convert from Judaism, my theory is that the Chief Rabbi sent him undercover - as a 'sleeper' - for a joke, to see how idiotically right-on a Church of England vicar could get before he was rumbled and thrown out. He's discovered that the CoE is a broad church - any amount of liberal lunacy is acceptable.

Leftwingorthodoxjew breaks rank with the Conspiracy to assure him that he is right on the mark with his suspicions:

sure you have Fraser rumbled - I can reveal his real name is Emmanuel Goldstein, he is also related to Lazer Wolf the butcher

It is a well known fact that the Chief Rabbi sends sleepers to all the major faiths (we draw the line of course at Scientology) and we are all having a big laugh about it at the expense of the gullible Christians...

just off to bed to grow my horns a bit longer now - good night

A Christian snuff movie that links blood with salvationThe Guardian, 10th January 2007.

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January 7, 2007

Mel Gibson in racism shocker!

So, what happens when you get an authority on Mayan culture to review Mel Gibson's latest violent pornfest, Apocalypto? Traci Arden, writing in Archaeology magazine, was disturbed, and not only by the inaccuracies:

The thrill of hearing melodic Yucatec Maya spoken by familiar faces ... during the first ten minutes of the movie is swiftly and brutally replaced with stomach churning panic at the graphic Maya-on-Maya violence depicted in a village raid scene of nearly 15 minutes. From then on the entire movie never ceases to utilize every possible excuse to depict more violence. It is unrelenting.

Not surprisingly, the film is not historically accurate in any way, although considerable effort was made to keep it visually so, but this seems to be to support an evangelical and racist message:

And who really cares that the Maya were not living in cities when the Spanish arrived? Yes, Gibson includes the arrival of clearly Christian missionaries (these guys are too clean to be conquistadors) in the last five minutes of the story (in the real world the Spanish arrived 300 years after the last Maya city was abandoned). It is one of the few calm moments in an otherwise aggressively paced film. The message? The end is near and the savior has come. Gibson's efforts at authenticity of location and language might, for some viewers, mask his blatantly colonial message that the Maya needed saving because they were rotten at the core. Using the decline of Classic urbanism as his backdrop, Gibson communicates that there was absolutely nothing redeemable about Maya culture, especially elite culture which is depicted as a disgusting feast of blood and excess...

I know the Maya practiced brutal violence upon one another, and I have studied child sacrifice during the Classic period. But in "Apocalypto," no mention is made of the achievements in science and art, the profound spirituality and connection to agricultural cycles, or the engineering feats of Maya cities. Instead, Gibson replays, in glorious big-budget technicolor, an offensive and racist notion that Maya people were brutal to one another long before the arrival of Europeans and thus they deserve, in fact they needed, rescue.

The same excuses used to subjugate them for the last 500 years, it seems. Up until 10 years ago, the Guatemalen army was systematically killing off the Maya, simply because they were Mayan.

Is "Apocalypto" Pornography?Archaeology, 5th December 2006.

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January 1, 2007

Passion of the Christ satanic!

It was inevitable, I suppose, but while researching the forthcoming end of the world, I encounted a series of articles about the occult nature of The Passion of the Christ at Cutting Edge Ministries. Of particular interest to us is WHY IS ANTICHRIST SYMBOLISM PREVALENTLY SHOWN IN "THE PASSION" where, we are promised, we will discover the symbolism of "Jesus"' naked buttocks in the last scene, among other things. But the first thing we learn is that antichrist and Roman Catholic are one and the same.

Once our journalistic investigations prior to the opening of "The Passion" had revealed strong occult Roman Catholic influences in the creation and the direction of the movie, I felt that we should see a significant Illuminati signature depicted somewhere in the movie.

It starts early. Apparently the virgin birth is nothing but a Satanic deception planted by Auld Nick himself. But it's the eyes of the Christ character that are the most obvious Satanic symbols in the film.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus is repeatedly punched in the face by Caiaphas' guards. After this savage fist beating, Jesus' face is swollen and very puffy. In fact, His right eye is completely closed. For the rest of the movie, Jesus is shown as being able to see only out of His right eye, as this picture clearly demonstrates. Right up until the time of His death on the cross, Jesus is able to see out with only one eye. In other words, Jesus is a one-eyed Messiah for the vast majority of this movie.

Does this mean Jesus is really Odin then? I mean, there's the one-eye thing, and the hanging on a tree thing...

Was that an All-Seeing Eye of Illuminized Freemasonry, the One-Eyed Wisdom and Benevolence of Providence.?

This is also where Jesus' bum comes into it, as He is seen leaving His tomb in his bare scuddies (and bare everything else, too).

Carefully consider this fact: that depiction was totally unnecessary to this film! The Gospels do not record that Jesus left the tomb naked; Sister Anne Emmeric did not see in her "visions" that Jesus was naked as He left the tomb. Therefore, why would Gibson and his Jesuit script writer concoct such an ending? Since Gibson reportedly spent $50 million of his own money to make this film and get it distributed, and since he is a proven professional screen director, you know that he paid attention to every detail, no matter how minute. You know that he knew this film was going to end on Jesus' bare bottom, so that must have been the plan.

But why, and does this mean Jesus isn't Odin after all? Apparently the C.F.R. (Council on Foreign Relations) portrays Antichrist as a one-eyed, left-eyed naked Messiah riding a white horse. It only seems to have four legs though. As you can imagine, Cutting Edge Ministries have a rather unusual view of the CFR. But back to the point, after observing that The Moslems believe that an Antichrist is to appear who will have 'one eye' and that it's only ever the left eye that is shown, they come to a stunning conclusion.

Therefore, you can only now conclude that the reason Gibson showed "Jesus" bare buttocks was that he was providing the second part of the Antichrist symbol - A one-eyed Messiah who is naked!

Right. Now,if only they could work in the Odin bit, to match their Mary-as-Pagan-Goddess bit...

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September 13, 2006

Good Christian heterosexual marriage.

United Kingdom: Here at Prattle Towers, we are usually sceptical of claims that the media causes crime, but that's because we rarely get to see a case as definitive as that of Michael and Patricia Watson.

The Watsons, a married couple, celebrated Mr. Watson's birthday with a meal and a bottle of wine before settling down to watch some violent pornography, Mel Gibson's The Passion of The Christ. Magistrates in Bedlington, Northumbria, were told of the events which allegedly followed.

Mrs Watson left the room, and her 44-year-old husband became so upset by the graphic depiction of the Crucifixion that he pulled the leads out of the television and went upstairs.

His wife then decided to watch the God Channel and went to ask him why the television was not working.

Yvonne Jobling, for the prosecution, said that an argument developed, and Watson accused his wife of being evil. He grabbed his wife by the throat and she fell to the floor. She said: His grip was so tight she was unable to speak, but she then managed to say something of a religious nature which seemed to cause him to relax his grip.

Magistrates in Bedlington, Northumberland, were told that Mrs Watson, a 51-year-old care worker, had gasped: I’m anointed by God. You know that, Michael. Do not touch God’s anointed. Mrs Watson, who was left with red marks and soreness to her neck and a grazed forearm, later told police that she had believed that her husband was going to kill her. Watson told the police that everything his wife said about him must be true because she never lied.

'Don’t strangle the anointed one,' wife pleaded in row over Mel Gibson filmThe Times, 12th September 2006.

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July 31, 2006

Drunken Actor Behaves Like Prat

United States: Mel Gibson has something of a reputation in Australia for his drunken ways. It looks like he's well and truely fallen off the wagon once again.

Gibson, whose controversial 2004 film The Passion of the Christ was a major hit, was arrested in the early hours of Friday morning for allegedly driving speeding along the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu, the beach town north of Los Angeles.
Continue reading "Drunken Actor Behaves Like Prat"

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August 26, 2004

God vents anger on Passion town

Italy: God is clearly still annoyed over The Passion of the Christ, and continues to use His traditional weapons against it. Not satisfied with the lead actor being struck by lightening twice, He has apparently sent a plague of locusts to Matera, where much of the film was made. The locals were hoping for a boost in tourism, but the locusts mean they have stayed away:

Reports indicate that the pests have wrecked the local economy to such an extent that some businessmen have even started calling for emergency.
The locals though are helpless to carry on the fight against the pests.
We have been assailed by locusts. My wife was on the table screaming, my daughter was awake all night and, although I was armed to the teeth, I was helpless, the paper quoted a local Nicolo Catucci near Bari as saying.

Christ's 'Passion' lures the locusts to attack Matera! - Webindia123.com, 26th August 2004.

July 3, 2004

Mickey Mouse born again

United States: Disney is giving away a free Bible study guide to promote thier new film America's Heart and Soul, a political fantasy promoing the non-existent fundie version of the family. Or, as morons.org puts it, a moving compilation of touching scenes from American life, that (and I have seen the trailer) looks straight out of a nauseating Bush campaign ad.

Disney offering free Bible study guides. - Mickey News, 3rd July 2004.

June 12, 2004

Gibson Takes a Swipe at Packer

Australia: Gibson is suing the company that distributed his snuff flick on the grounds that they gipped him out of his cut of the profits. Money certainly does speak louder than the tenets of the bloke he claims to venerate.

Jesus may have chased the money men out of the temple, but Mel Gibson claims they left without paying him a fortune in box office receipts.

Icon Distribution, Gibson's film company, is suing Regal Entertainment Group, the largest cinema company in the world, for $US40 million ($57.2 million) and as much as $US20 million in damages for allegedly reneging on a distribution contract for Gibson's film, The Passion of The Christ.

Icon claims that Regal, of which James Packer is a director, did not pay up its fair share of ticket revenue for the film, which beat all expectations when it opened to huge controversy in February.
Continue reading "Gibson Takes a Swipe at Packer"

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June 7, 2004

'Satan' to Mel: 'Pthrrrrpp!!!!!!!'

United States: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban has set a new record for opening day takings, and is third, behind Spider-Man and Shrek 2 for all-time opening weekend takings. In comparison, The Passion of the Christ is eighth in the all-time US opening weekend chart, proving less popular than any of the Harry Potter films, The Matrix Reloaded and X2: X-Men United. All three Harry Potter movies thrashed Mel Gibson's vanity pic on the opening day as well. Fundies who think Harry Potter is the work of Satan may draw their own conclusions.

New 'Potter' sets June box office records - Detroit Free Press, 7th June 2004; All Time Box Office Opening Weekends and All Time Box Office Top Opening Day Grosses - Box Office Mojo, 7th June 2004 (this latter chart disagrees with the press reports, and places Spider-Man top).

June 1, 2004

Pope Pimps Gibson's Vanity Pic Again

Vatican: As if pimping the film first time around wasn't bad enough, the boys in the frocks and silly hats have set the wheels in motion to offer up a sainthood to the mad old broad who wrote the book that inspired Gibson to inflict his drivel on the world.

The 19th century German nun whose blood-soaked visions of Jesus's death inspired Mel Gibson's film The Passion of The Christ will soon be put on the path to sainthood, Catholic Church officials have said.
Anne Catherine Emmerich, a sickly mystic who lived from 1774 to 1824, has already reached near cult status among traditionalist Roman Catholics for the book that gave Gibson the grisly details the Gospels did not provide.
Continue reading "Pope Pimps Gibson's Vanity Pic Again"

April 17, 2004

Tearing Down The Passion

United States: Mark Morford takes great delight in tearing apart Mel's bizarre ultraviolent blood-drenched revisionist flick; The Passion of the Christ.

Perhaps you, like so many across the planet, are more than a bit baffled by the runaway success of The Passion of the Christ.
Perhaps you, furthermore, are more than slightly disturbed that millions have flocked to this bizarre ultraviolent blood-drenched revisionist flick and that so many actually believe its story to be absolutely true, and that it just surpassed The Return of the King in total box office and is the No. 8 most successful film of all time and it was No. 1 again across BushCo's flyover states during Easter weekend and has sold 650,000 books and 125,000 creepy pewter nail necklaces [BugMeNot] and you find it all just incredibly warped and disheartening and what the hell is the world coming to.
You are not alone.
Continue reading "Tearing Down The Passion"

April 15, 2004

Red Wolf will be proud

Australia: Mel Gibson's sado-masochistic fantasy has failed to impress Australian cinema-goers.

In stark contrast to Kidman's success, The Passion of the Christ is struggling to make a mark down under. Mel Gibson's Gospel picture has been only a moderate success in Australia and notably failed to benefit from the Easter boost that propelled it back to the top of the American box office this week. In fact, The Passion of the Christ could only make number six in the Aussie chart, with its A$805,000 (£332,000) weekend gross easily eclipsed by Starsky and Hutch, which opened on A$3.5m (£1.4m). The theory that there would be a Jesus revival at the flicks at the weekend was a myth, sniffed the Sydney Morning Herald.

In brief: Schrader's Exorcist comes back to life - The Guardian, 15th April 2004.

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April 12, 2004

Seasonal Peep Show

United States: Enjoy this online gallery of Easter-themed diorama art created with Marshmallow Peeps.

What are Peeps? The Washington Post says they're the chick-and-bunny-shaped marshmallow treats that have become America's best-loved harbingers of the season. In reality, they're sickeningly sweet glop that small children love and that, thankfully, haven't taken off in the land of the Prattle satellite office.

In homage to The Passion of the Christ, is the lovingly crafted The Passion of the Peeps.

Another religious entry could be described as Memorable Moments in Marshmallow Martyrdom. Created by two Catholic school girls, it depicted four saint scenes, including John the Baptist beheaded, Joan of Arc being burned at the stake, St. Peter crucified upside down on Pop-sicle sticks and St. Stephen being stoned to death by jelly beans.

Peep Show - Pioneer Press, 10th April 2004 (via Boing Boing Blog).

April 9, 2004

Church Cashing in on Violent Film

Australia: The bigoted and obnoxious George Pell, who only ended up as Sydney's Archbishop because Melbourne wanted shot of the bastard, is waxing lyrical about Gibson's vanity pic luring people back to the church.

Continue reading "Church Cashing in on Violent Film"

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March 31, 2004

A heap o' shi'ite

Kuwait: According to the Simon Wiesenthal Center, a leading Shi'ite cleric has called for the broadcast of The Passion of the Christ because it reveals crimes committed by Jews against Christ. The Center's response, though, does not seem to acknowledge that not all Muslims are extremist loons:

Ayatollah Mohammed Baqer al-Mehri's reasoning makes it clear that his interest is in fostering hatred towards Jews more than anything else, said Rabbi Marvin Hier, Dean and Founder of the SWC. We said all along and it comes as no surprise to us that Moslem countries will do all they can to help this film for the very reason the Ayatollah stated, Hier concluded.

The Center also critiscised the Greek media for publishing cartoons it charges are anti-semitic, though most of them seem merely to be unfunny, in extremely poor taste, and aimed firmly at the policies of the Israeli government, and especially Ariel Sharon, rather than Jews in general.

On March 23rd , Eleftheroptypia published three such cartoons, the first depicting Israel's Prime Minister Sharon and US president George Bush dressed as Nazi officers with swastikas on their uniforms and both shooting pistols. Sharon is portrayed in Der Strumer-like caricuture, while President Bush looks like monkey...
One of the reported cartoons is definitely racist, repeats the notorious Blood Libel, and is possibly inspired by A Certain Film:
The woman in the first box asks: Why did the Jewish Government kill a religious leader?The man answers, They are practicing for Easter.


March 28, 2004

Let's get some discussion going.

Two questions sprung to mind recently:

  1. If The Passion of the Christ had been a horror film, with the same level of violence, would it have got a certificate from the British Board of Film Censorship Classification? and
  2. At the same time, an interesting compilation of early French erotic films has received an R18 certificate which limits sales to adults in licensed sex shops only. So why does the BBFC and, it seems, society in general, consider gratuitous, graphic violence to be more acceptable than adults having lots of fun with one another?

The floor is yours.

March 25, 2004

Racist attacks linked to killer movie.

Canada: Police and community groups in Vaughan are concerned about a recent rise in anti-semitic incidents.

The York Region Police has arrested two youngsters, aged 13 and 14 respectively, who had harassed several Vaughan residents over the phone with racist comments and threats. One of them will be referred to the Youth Criminal Justice Act Referral Programme, while the other will be charged with uttering death threats and harassment.
Meanwhile episodes of anti-Semitism continue. Last Tuesday the Chabad Lubavitch Centre in Vaughan reported to the police that on the previous Friday some eggs had been thrown against the façade of the synagogue at 770 Chabad Gate in Thornhill.
On Monday several swastikas and other writings had been found on the doors of two schools, Pleasantville Public on Mill Street and St. Elizabeth Catholic High on New Westminster Drive.

The article includes a photograph of a door some genius daubed with the phrase Jewz suk and an (inaccurate) swastika. A local Rabbi noted that the attacks coincided with the release of The Passion of the Christ. Racism in Vaughan causes concerns - Tandem News, March 28 - April 4, 2004.

March 24, 2004

The bright side of life

The success of The Passion of the Christ has inspired the re-release of a much better film about a Jew who gets crucified by the Romans. Monty Python's Life of Brian will re-open in US cinemas to mark the 25th anniversary of its release.

We decided this is an important time to re-release this film, to provide some counter-programing to 'The Passion,' Jaglom told Reuters. I intend it, hopefully, to serve as an antidote to all the hysteria about Mel's movie.
He said marketing for the re-release would play off Gibson's film by adapting such taglines as Mel or Monty and The Passion or the Python -- we want to give people a choice.

Like The Passion, The Life of Brian is rated 18 in the UK, but has none of the sickening gratuitous violence of the later film, just a tiny bit of mild sexual content which would probably give it a 15 if it were released today. Monty Python's 'Life of Brian' Set for Re-Release - Reuters, 23rd March 2004.

March 23, 2004

Killer movie claims second victim

Brazil: The Passion of the Christ has struck again. Presbyterian minister Jose Geraldo Soares was a mere 43 years old when he went to see the film with members of his congregation.

But halfway through the movie, Soares' wife noticed that he was no longer awake. A doctor who was also watching the film tended to Soares, but the priest was already dead.

Brazilian pastor dies watching Passion of Christ - Reuters, 23rd March 2004.

March 19, 2004

Violent Christian Film Kills Again

United States: It appears that The Passion of the Christ has claimed yet another life, this time from a heart attack during one of the most violent moments of the film.

It was the highest emotional part of the movie, a spokeswoman for the station said. A crew from the station was at the special showing, which was sponsored by the ClearChannel Radio chain.
Continue reading "Violent Christian Film Kills Again"

March 18, 2004

Good Christian, heterosexual marriage

United States: Both partners of a couple have been arrested after a theological discussion went too far. Melissa and Sean Davidson had been to see The Passion of the Christ together and, as they left the cinema, began to discuss whether God the Father in the Holy Trinity was human or symbolic. When they got home, it turned into a full-blown fight.

According to a police report, Melissa Davidson suffered injuries on her arm and face, while her husband had a scissors stab wound on his hand and his shirt was ripped off. He also allegedly punched a hole in a wall.
Really, it was kind of a pitiful thing, to go to a movie like that and fight about it. I think they missed the point, said Gene McDaniel, chief sheriff's deputy.

Georgia couple arrested after debate over 'Passion of the Christ' turns violent - Boston Globe, 18th March 2004.

March 17, 2004

DIY Crucifixion

United States: In an interesting attempt at suicide, one loony fundie decided to try a DIY crucifixion on himself. He claims not to have seen The Passion of the Christ, so we can only concluded that Christianity is evil and causes people to kill themselves.

A Hartland man was treated at a Pittsfield hospital after he nailed himself to a cross.
The 23-year-old man apparently was trying to commit suicide Thursday evening in his living room, the Bangor Daily News reported. Police said the man appeared delusional and told them he had been seeing pictures of God on the computer...
Lt. Pierre Boucher said the man took two pieces of wood, nailed them together in the form of a cross and placed them on the floor. He attached a suicide sign to the wood and then proceeded to nail one of his hands to the makeshift cross using a 14-penny nail and a hammer.
When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911, Boucher said.

Man treated after attempting to nail himself to cross - AP, 16th March 2004 (via Die Puny Humans).

March 15, 2004

British MP slates Passion

MP Gerald Kaufmann has strongly criticised The Passion of the Christ:

On ITV1's GMTV Sunday Programme, he slated the film's gratuitous violence, ugliness, wallowing in blood and, it has to be said, crude anti-Semitism...
...The Jews depicted are depicted as almost caricature Jews who demand (Christ's) blood, said Mr Kaufman, the chairman of the Commons Culture, Media and Sport committee.
I am not accusing him (Gibson) of being a deliberate and overt anti-Semite but there is no doubt that the message of the film is seriously, damagingly anti-Semitic, he said.
People who do not know the story will see it as the Jews wanting to murder this saintly man while the Roman ruler of the country didn't want to do it but was forced into by their pressure.

But Roman Catholic leader Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor defended the film, pointing out that even though he hadn't actually seen it, it wasn't anti-semitic:

I have not seen it, the film, but everyone I have met who has seen it has been profoundly moved, he said.
There were people who said it was anti-Semitic. I don't think from what I hear that it is in any way anti-Semitic. I think they have been very careful not to in any way induce anti-Semitism.

MP slates Gibson's Christ movie - BBC News, 14th March 2004.

March 12, 2004

Bargain of the Day: The Holy Land Authentic Crown of Thorns

This perfect EostreEaster gift is, surprisingly, not being marketed as Passion of the Christ tat:

2000 years ago thorn bushes grew abundantly in the Holy Land -- today they still do but they are so hard to find. This is an authentic crown of thorns was hand-made in the city of Bethlehem in the Holy Land . It is symbolic of Christ' suffering and humiliation.

March 11, 2004

A slightly exaggerated similie.

United States: Martha Stewart's brother has compared his sister's recent trial and conviction with the sufferings of the main character in Mel Gibson's sadomasochistic porn flick The Passion of the Christ.

Kostyra says he was shocked by the guilty verdict in Stewart's stock fraud trial -- and wept when it was announced.

Brother Likens Martha To Jesus - CBS 4 Denver, 10th March 2004.

March 8, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Free Passion tat!

Today's bargain will cost you only postage, because Passion of the Christ Materials are giving away 'fan kits' for The Passion of the Christ. Why? Because they believe

Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" will be one of the most influential films in history. Never before have the final hours of Christ's life been so vividly portrayed. Be a part of this monumental film release by ordering one of the officially licensed Fan Packs.

After all, giving people posters, stickers, postcards and door hangers is nearly as cheap as spamming, and more effective than that as advertising.

Mel's rip-off ripped-off

Are there bits of The Passion of the Christ that you don't remember being in The Bible. It could be because Mel Gibson failed to mention that they're really the ravings of a stoned 19th century German nun. Sister Maria Caffeina Mochalatte explains:

For those of you who have seen The Passion, and are wondering at the weird deviations from scripture and ahistorical details, realize that this movie is *not* based solely on the Gospels. A great deal of the script is taken directly from The Dolorous Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ, a book based on a series of visions experienced by a 19th-century German nun named Anne Catherine Emmerich.
Wondering why Jewish priests were allowed to have soldiers during this period of the Roman occupation? Wondering where in scripture Jesus was pushed off a bridge? Wondering why Pilate was such a Sensitive New Age Guy? Wondering WHY the Jewish priests could enter a place of execution and not be cast out from amongst their own people, despite the edicts in Leviticus? All this, plus the gory details of the scourging (including the exposed rib bones) are her work.
Her copyright's run out a long time ago, but it would have been far more honest of Mr. Gibson to credit the book.

Especially as Mel Gibson's company is suing another company over alleged piracy of The Passion of the Christ. Mel sues over Passion piracy - Herald Sun, 6th March 2004.

Practical blasphemy

The subject of this week's Photoshop Phriday over at Something Awful is Advertisements of the Christ. Readers were invited to alter screenshots from The Passion of the Christ in a creative manner:

The movie has garnered near universal praise for its accurate depiction of the life and struggles of Jesus, an olden day muckraker turned messiah. However, the movie has not been without criticism, largely due to its extensive use of product placement, which many people feel undermines the authenticity of the movie and cheapens the sacrifice of Jesus. To find out if the line was indeed crossed, the Something Awful Forum Goons went to the trouble of illegally videotaping the movie and then posting screenshots. Please take a look at their work and judge for yourself, as Jesus surely would if he was here.

March 5, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Passion Opportunists

United States: Over at the Prattle Towers satellite office, when we're not scouring the headlines to bring you the latest in naughty vicar stories, we're immersed in other web enterprises. Our main site runs Google ads and we have noticed an influx of god bothering wankers pushing crap for The Passion of The Christ.

I'd just assumed that most were trying to flog the same Passion tat that has already been highlighted here, but the lovely Feòrag pointed out several of the amusing and opportunistic little enterprises riding on the coattails of Lethal Weapon meets God.

From the school of You've seen the movie, now buy our crap, which comes in the exciting flavours of pro- and anti-Passion. Interesting to note that this particular ad was using the same googlejuice boosting techniques favoured by spammers.

Who really killed Jesus?
Do the Bible Codes predict The Passion controversy?

The sensationalist tabloid headline version of Buy our crap. Complete with fake endorsements — just like the movie.

Passion of Christ
Recent wave of Godly programs? Recent wave of Satanic programs?

There's the Convert, you godless heathens. Oh, and buy our crap kind of ad.

Passion — True to Script?
Read Jesus' exact words from the original eyewitness biographies.

The usual bunch of ads luring you to eBay or Amazon make an apearance. But there's also a curious group that figure if you've seen the movie, you'll be jonesing for a new bible. How can you resist a bible has been completely remastered and is touted as being a first edition.

Prepare for the Passion
1st edition copy of new Douay Bible Completely remastered, in leather.

The What the hell, learn a dead language marketing ploy, the site fudges the truth a little because you get presented with Hebrew instead of Aramaic. I think these guys are playing off the inherent stupidity of the loony fundies who will flock to the movie and not understand the difference.

Understand The Passion?
Learn Hebrew and Aramaic at Home No-Risk Video CD Course from Israel

The warez sites are not about the look a gift horse in the mouth, so there's also a heap of ads tempting you to download the movie or buy pirated versions.

You run one post about Mel's crappy vanity pick and you're innundated by tat merchants. Isn't there something in the bible about merchants being the spawn of satan?

Opinions of the Wolf: Opinion - Red Wolf, March 2004.

March 4, 2004

What's Popcorn in Aramaic?

United Kingdom: The wits over at The Guardian have come up with a glossary of useful Aramaic phrases to help enrich your enjoyment of The Passion of The Christ.

B-kheeruut re'yaaneyh laa kaaley tsuuraathaa khteepaathaa, ellaa Zaynaa Mqatlaanaa Trayaanaa laytaw!
It may be uncompromising in its liberal use of graphic violence, but Lethal Weapon II it ain't.
Da'ek teleyfoon methta'naanaak, pquud. Guudaapaw!
Please turn off your mobile phone. It is blasphemous.
Shbuuq shuukhaaraa deel. Man ethnaggad udamshaa?
Sorry I'm late. Have I missed any scourging?
Aykaa beyt tadkeetha? Zaadeq lee d-asheeg eeday men perdey devshaanaayey haaleyn!
Where is the loo? I need to wash my hands of this popcorn.
Continue reading "What's Popcorn in Aramaic?"

March 3, 2004

Culture corner

Orcinus has republished a review of The Passion of the Christ as a series of 40 points. Here are just a few of them:

2) The film is only anti-Semitic if you consider it anti-Semitic to portray Jews as an unruly crowd of evil, hook-nosed Christ killers.
9) Keeping children away from the ultra-violence and subversive messages of films such as Harry Potter and Saturday morning cartoons is a good thing. Exposing them to the long, slow, bloody, torturous death of the Savior of all mankind is also a good thing. Go figure.
14) A little known fact: Jesus must have been a hemophiliac. Because near as I can tell, his blood never coagulates.
25) Filming the movie with the dialogue in ancient, dead languages may at first seem pretentious. But it helps convey the documentary-nature of the film the best. And you can have a crowd of Jews chant about Jesus' death being on the heads of them and their children forever without having to actually put the words up on the screen. That isn't anti-Semitic either.
36) Watching blood geyser into the air and splatter over everything in Kill Bill was too much gore. Watching blood geyser into the air and splatter over everything in The Passion of The Christ was just right. Coincidentally, almost the exact same amount of fake blood was used in the filming of both movies.

March 2, 2004

Computer Declares Passion The Mark Of The Beast

United States: The computerised ticket machines in a Georgia theatre seem to have a sense of humour, they stamped the tickets to The Passion of the Christ with the number 666.

Tickets at one movie theater screening Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ are being deemed decidedly unholy.
The number 666, which many Christians recognize as the mark of the beast, is appearing on movie tickets for Gibson's film at a Georgia theater, drawing complaints from some moviegoers.
Continue reading "Computer Declares Passion The Mark Of The Beast"

February 29, 2004

Betty Bowers on Mel Gibson

It would have been surprising if Landover Baptist had nothing to say about The Passion of the Christ, and of course Betty Bowers had to review it. I don't think she liked it:

Anyone who saw the Diane Sawyer interview knows that Mel Gibson is a few beads short of a rosary. Mr. Gibson, a serial adulterer who finds piety in not speaking English at Mass, invested $25 million of his own money in this film. Just like Rosie O'Donnell with Taboo, Mr. Gibson broke the Golden Rule of showbiz to put on a show about a man who wore a dress. One might wonder why a director would choose to make a film about Someone whose life has provided inspiration to millions in a manner that borrows less from Jesus' words than it does from a bootleg copy of an Argentinean snuff film. But any Baptist who has slipped into a cathedral to reach out to Catholics by helpfully scrawling Damned Pagan Mary Worshipers on statuary can attest to Roman Catholics' lugubrious preoccupation with the logistical nuances of slowly torturing another human to death. Their apses sport crosses that attempt to outdo each other in the gothic, bloodthirsty enterprise of artistically doting on the macabre specifics of skin lacerations and their effluence. Verily, the Marquis de Sade has nothing on these people when it comes to harnessing pain into ecstasy, religious or otherwise.

February 26, 2004

Spiced Jesus

Various LiveJournal users, pissed off with comment spam for Mel Gibson's movie that no-one likes, have been conspiring and Reddragdiva has posted a possible countermeasure:

All that P*ss**n *f Th* Chr*st spam is apparently just trying for Google hits. This post suggests dealing with them appropriately. Put the following HTML into an entry or comment:
<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079470/">The Passion of The Christ</a>. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079470/">Trailers</a>. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079470/">Good Website</a>. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079470/">Protesting Gibson's Passion Lacks Moral Legitimacy</a>.

This is apparently the same wording as in the original comment spam, with ever so slightly different links, thus: The Passion of The Christ. Trailers. Good Website. Protesting Gibson's Passion Lacks Moral Legitimacy.

February 24, 2004

Gibson nailed

What's the situation with The Passion of the Christ so far? Well God doesn't think much of it, His Chosen People definitely don't like it, and the bit about the Pope liking it has been shown to be a touch of the old False Witness. Could Mel Gibson's only friends be the spammers? Let's check a random fundie site, like Let God Be True!, for example.

Mel Gibson's movie is nothing but a two-hour stream of images graven in celluloid at the rate of 24 frames per second! He has made thousands of graven images and likenesses of God's Son engaged in a divine transaction and spiritual conflict, though Mel does not have a clue as to His appearance on earth 2000 years ago or His present appearance in heaven! What presumption! And he even thinks he knows what Satan looks like!

This isn't looking too good for Mel...

We do not believe Mr. Gibson is intentionally misleading anyone. We believe he is a sincere Roman Catholic blinded by the ignorance for which that church is famous. He is naturally very gifted at his craft, but the devil is using his ignorance of Biblical Christianity to create a manmade Jesus to turn many away from the blessed and only Potentate, Who reigns in heaven at this hour!

Ah, that crafty Catholic hierarchy again. And, of course, the film is in Aramaic, not the 17th century Scots that Jesus spoke:

For audio purposes, a Catholic translated the words into Aramaic. That makes good verbal sense, doesn't it? Take words written in Greek, translate them into English, and then translate them into Aramaic. Whoever read or heard, It is accomplished. These are not the words of Jesus! He didn't accomplish it; He finished it. Of course, he did not use the King James Version, which in its very dedicatory introduction blasts out against the pope and religion of Rome.

So not even barking mad fundies like it.

February 21, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Passion Nail Pendant

This bit of cheap metal on a string isn't overpriced at $25 (US) because it's Mel Gibson New Christ Passion Movie Memorabilia. Not that that means it was used in the film, nosiree.

Nail Pendant on 20" leather cord. Nail is 1-7/8" long, and oval tag near clasp engraved with The Passion of the Christ.

February 12, 2004

Where Popcorn Meets Creepy Blood-Soaked Ultra-Conservative Jesus

United States: Watch with bated breath as a film that bugger all will actually see is artificially bumped up the charts by loony fundies with more money than sense who are buying out the cinemas.

Churches are reserving entire theaters for opening day. A national evangelical organization is helping sell tickets from its Web site. Pastors are planning sermons timed to the movie's Ash Wednesday release...
...The first showing at the Cinemark Tinseltown in Plano, Texas, deep in the Bible Belt, starts at 6.30am and the 20-screen multiplex will feature nothing but The Passion all day.
Continue reading "Where Popcorn Meets Creepy Blood-Soaked Ultra-Conservative Jesus"

February 4, 2004

Nobody loves me, let's try spam.

What a sad situation Mel Gibson is in. Sensible Christians and Jewish organisations have condemned your new (barking mad fundie) movie, The Passion of the Christ. Even God doesn't like it and keeps trying to bump off the crew. Only that senile old nutter, the Pope, seems to like it. What is a superstitious idiot to do? Well, he need not worry, because the noble, upstanding comment spammers are on his side and spamming LiveJournals with gruesome images from his œuvre.

October 24, 2003

Take that!

God clearly doesn't approve of Mel Gibson's latest film The Passion of the Christ, and has demonstrated His opprobium in the traditional manner - Jim Caviezel, the actor playing Jesus, has been hit by lightning twice during filming.

Describing the second lightning strike, McEveety told VLife, a supplement of the trade paper Variety: I'm about a hundred feet away from them when I glance over and see smoke coming out of Caviezel's ears.

Jesus actor struck by lightning - BBC News, 23rd October 2003.