November 24, 2008

Bargain of the Day: a cookbook

Another non-religious bargain, I'm afraid, but one that deserves to be mentioned. Natural Harvest is a most unusual cookery book, subtitled A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes.

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

Semen is considered to be suitable for vegans, so long as the donor is willing.

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August 19, 2008

Off-topic Bargain of the Day: a male grooming product

We usually only feature unusual religious products on the Prattle, but while flicking through a copy of QXMen (don't click that link if you have a crap job and are at work!), I noticed a most interesting offer amongst the pictures of nude and scantily clad men at it with one another. It was for a male grooming product, but those of you in the aforementioned crap jobs should leave reading the rest of this entry until you are safely at home.

Continue reading "Off-topic Bargain of the Day: a male grooming product"

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October 10, 2007

Safer sex lesson

United States: I remember back in the day, when it seemed like a Conservative politician was accidentally killing themselves through autoerotic asphyxiation every week. It seems the Tories learned from their (colleagues') mistakes, but the knowledge has yet to make it over the Atlantic.

Revd. Gary Aldridge was a graduate of Liberty University and had worked with Jerry Falwell. At the time of his death, he had been senior pastor at Thorington Road Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama, for 15 years. He was found dead at his home in suspicious circumstances last June, and the coroner's report has just been issued. He was:

...clothed in a diving wet suit, a face mask which has a single vent for breathing, a rubberized head mask having an opening for the mouth and eyes, a second rubberized suit with suspenders, rubberized male underwear, hands and feet have diving gloves and slippers.

The report goes on to describe the elaborate restraints he had managed to attach to himself before noting that he'd thought of safety (or maybe cleaning up afterwards) at least once:

There is a dildo in the anus covered with a condom.

The coroner concluded that no-one else had been involved in his death.

Falwell colleague dies getting his autoerotic rubber kink onPandragon, 9th October 2007; Dead Reverend's Rubber FetishThe Smoking Gun, 8th October 2007. Thanks to Arthur D. Hlavaty.

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October 9, 2007

Deport them to England, now!

Scotland: A Motherwell couple are claiming that Strathclyde Police discriminated against them on religious grounds because the force's personnel files have a single field for Married/civil partnership.

The couple, who have been wed 26 years, told a Glasgow employment tribunal they had deeply held religious beliefs as Christians as to the sanctity of marriage and found the description as married/civil partners offensive causing injury to their feelings as married persons.

Strathclyde Police urged a preliminary tribunal hearing to throw out their claims on the grounds of religion and sex because they had no reasonable prospect of success, or, alternatively, to order Mr and Mrs McQuade to pay a deposit of £500 each as a condition of the case proceeding further.

As well as keeping the database simple, the police point out the single field ensures that people are not discriminated against and prevents personal information being given out by accident. No disadvantage was suffered by the couple as a result of their being treated the same as everyone else.

Catholic man and wife sue cops over fileGlasgow Evening Times, 5th October 2007.

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July 17, 2007

Pagans threaten to flood England (more)

The Long Mohammed of Wilmington United Kingdom: Britian's neopagans are upset again. First of all it was Trinny and Susannah daring to change the sex of the Long Man of Wilmington, and now they're upset that a figure of Homer Simpson has been painted in biodegradable paint in the vicinity of another 400-year old cartoon, the Cerne Abbas Giant.

It's not King Kevin complaining, either, but the middle class ladies of the Pagan Federation. And, just like the Mohammed cartoon protesters, they're making threats and promising to get their imaginary friend to fix the problem.

Ann Bryn-Evans, joint Wessex district manager for The Pagan Federation, said: We were hoping for some dry weather but I think I have changed my mind.

“We'll be doing some rain magic to bring the rain and wash it away.

Well, that should solve the problem of heavy rains and flooding in England. It's enough to make you want to turn the Long Man of Wilmington into a depiction of the Prophet Mohammed.

Wish for rain to wash away HomerBBC News, 16th July 2007

Update: This image by HappyToast at B3ta is glorious:

Further update: The Grauniad is running a caption competition.

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May 31, 2007

Priest: it's me or the vibrator!

United States: A Catholic priest gave his church's organist and choir director a surprising ultimatum; quit her sex toy home party job or quit the church. He claimed that her sale of sex toys was not consistent with Church teachings.

Linette Servais, 50, played the organ and sung with the choir for 35 years. Much of her work as choir director and organist was done without pay. When her parish priest asked to meet with her, she thought it was to say thank you.

Instead, she was told to quit her sales job with company known as Pure Romance or she would lose her position in the church.

Pure Romance in Loveland, Ohio, is a $60 million per year business that sells spa products and sex toys at homes parties attended by women. It has 15,000 consultants like Servais.

Women are earning a living for themselves and are teaching each other that sex is not a dirty secret. So, obviously it's not in keeping with church teachings, especially since the buggering of small boys was in no way involved. Fortunately, Linette is made of sterner stuff.

She said her decision was not hard: She began working with Pure Romance after a brain tumor and treatment left her sexually dysfunctional. The job allows her to help other women who have similar problems.

After I got over the initial shock, I prayed over this a long time, she said. I feel that Pure Romance is my ministry.

Linette is not the only woman of faith who has made sex toy sales her ministry, more power to them. Alas, it has been mentioned, that the company in question stocks poor quality merchandise. Hopefully, their market will learn from experience. I'm still uncertain of the particular part of the bible that mentions; Thou Shall Not Sell Sex Toys.

Priest Cans Organist for Sex Toy Sales -, 30th May 2007 (via Sexuality).

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April 21, 2007

Bargain of the Day: Witch groping game

Japan can be a little odd at times, as a recently announced game for the Nintendo DS shows. In ??????魔女?判? you play a teenage boy who gets to detect witches by the time-honoured method of sexually harassing them.

But it seems that some people are trying to kick up more of a fuss about Matthew Hopkins Jr. and have resorted to faking screenshots to make it look more pornographic than it is [日本語. English language explanation here].

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March 25, 2007

A close shave

Malawi: A witchdoctor's unconventional magic has resulted in a two year prison sentence, with hard labour.

People in Mulanje were going about their daily businesses but for two women and a 13-year-old girl all from the same family it was a morning of lifetime experiences. The three were having their pubic hair shaved with razor blades by a self proclaimed male witchdoctor who promised them the fortune of life.

One by one the three sisters were called into a bathroom a few metres away from their main house where they stripped naked before 21 year old Peter Harawara who sat there touching and shaving their private parts.

The women began to suspect something was amiss when he threatened them with death and demanded sex.

Continue reading "A close shave"

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January 26, 2007

No porking in this porn.

United States/Israel: A stushie has developed over a new porn film, but it's not your usual kind of fuss. The DVD features the non-dairy creamer of Israeli adult entertainment stars, and the cover design features Kosher markings.

Rabbi Yehuda Rosenbaum, whose company KOF-K Kosher Certification authenticates food including meat, grains and dairy products for the Jewish market, says Oren Cohen has no right using his stamp on Assraelis.

They maintain Tight Fit is using the symbol illegally in violation of State and Federal Law, and they threaten to sue Cohen if the situation is not rectified as quickly as possible.

Obviously they're worried that someone might try and eat the disk.

Israeli Porn Video Slammed Over Kosher LogoJewtastic, 26th January 2007.

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January 1, 2007

Passion of the Christ satanic!

It was inevitable, I suppose, but while researching the forthcoming end of the world, I encounted a series of articles about the occult nature of The Passion of the Christ at Cutting Edge Ministries. Of particular interest to us is WHY IS ANTICHRIST SYMBOLISM PREVALENTLY SHOWN IN "THE PASSION" where, we are promised, we will discover the symbolism of "Jesus"' naked buttocks in the last scene, among other things. But the first thing we learn is that antichrist and Roman Catholic are one and the same.

Once our journalistic investigations prior to the opening of "The Passion" had revealed strong occult Roman Catholic influences in the creation and the direction of the movie, I felt that we should see a significant Illuminati signature depicted somewhere in the movie.

It starts early. Apparently the virgin birth is nothing but a Satanic deception planted by Auld Nick himself. But it's the eyes of the Christ character that are the most obvious Satanic symbols in the film.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus is repeatedly punched in the face by Caiaphas' guards. After this savage fist beating, Jesus' face is swollen and very puffy. In fact, His right eye is completely closed. For the rest of the movie, Jesus is shown as being able to see only out of His right eye, as this picture clearly demonstrates. Right up until the time of His death on the cross, Jesus is able to see out with only one eye. In other words, Jesus is a one-eyed Messiah for the vast majority of this movie.

Does this mean Jesus is really Odin then? I mean, there's the one-eye thing, and the hanging on a tree thing...

Was that an All-Seeing Eye of Illuminized Freemasonry, the One-Eyed Wisdom and Benevolence of Providence.?

This is also where Jesus' bum comes into it, as He is seen leaving His tomb in his bare scuddies (and bare everything else, too).

Carefully consider this fact: that depiction was totally unnecessary to this film! The Gospels do not record that Jesus left the tomb naked; Sister Anne Emmeric did not see in her "visions" that Jesus was naked as He left the tomb. Therefore, why would Gibson and his Jesuit script writer concoct such an ending? Since Gibson reportedly spent $50 million of his own money to make this film and get it distributed, and since he is a proven professional screen director, you know that he paid attention to every detail, no matter how minute. You know that he knew this film was going to end on Jesus' bare bottom, so that must have been the plan.

But why, and does this mean Jesus isn't Odin after all? Apparently the C.F.R. (Council on Foreign Relations) portrays Antichrist as a one-eyed, left-eyed naked Messiah riding a white horse. It only seems to have four legs though. As you can imagine, Cutting Edge Ministries have a rather unusual view of the CFR. But back to the point, after observing that The Moslems believe that an Antichrist is to appear who will have 'one eye' and that it's only ever the left eye that is shown, they come to a stunning conclusion.

Therefore, you can only now conclude that the reason Gibson showed "Jesus" bare buttocks was that he was providing the second part of the Antichrist symbol - A one-eyed Messiah who is naked!

Right. Now,if only they could work in the Odin bit, to match their Mary-as-Pagan-Goddess bit...

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November 1, 2006

Religious conversion story

United Kingdom: Sex changes aren't that unusual these days, and the overwhelming majority of patients have a genuine reason for undergoing the rather dramatic process. Sometimes, though, it's not the right answer. Take the case of 'Patient D' who appears to have had a few other issues.

Patient D told the hearing that by the summer of 1996 she was exhibiting symptoms of mania, including religious delusions...

By the time of her final appointment with Dr Reid she believed she was communicating with people psychically, could start and stop trains with her mind, and had the power to cure people's poor eyesight.

Patient D told the hearing she thought she was turning into Jesus and that becoming a man would complete that transformation.

I believed I was becoming Jesus, which I understand is common in manic depression, and having the sex change was part of that, she said.

In this case, an incident which led to her being sectioned ensured that planned surgery never took place and after treatment for her mental problems, she no longer felt the need to change sex. The matter is now the subject of a charge of professional misconduct against the doctor who treated her.

Woman wanted sex change 'to become Christ'The Guardian, 1st November 2006.

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October 31, 2006

The Christmas Tree and the Original Sin

Sheesh, Hallowe'en isn't over yet, and we're being nagged about yuletide! is a regular contributor to newsgroups such as alt.conspiracy, and seems to be a Jehovah's Witness of some sort. His contributions are rather interesting, his latest drawing connections between the Garden of Eden, willies, bodily fluids, chakras and Christmas trees.

Continue reading "The Christmas Tree and the Original Sin"

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October 22, 2006

Beware of pervy demons!

United States (where else?): Crap in bed? Having trouble getting it up? Homosexual? It's probably all the fault of demons, at least according Erica Shepherd, who runs a Sexual Exorcism, Healing, Deliverance Ministry!

Your Sexual Problem May very well be Spiritual? ... Once you have been A Victim Of this type of Spiritual Sexual Abuse You require Personal Exorcism Healing Deliverance Ministry

But how could the demons have found you? The possibilities are endless, but naturally, we're only going to mention the really, really silly ones here.

I have prayed with people who have had these sex Demons unloosed upon them by witchcraft.

I have prayed with people who have had these sex Demons unloosed upon them though Astral Projection.

I have prayed with people who have had these sex Demons unloosed upon them through sleepin in a Hotel room bed and not praying over the room first.

I have prayed with people who out of contex, really believe that "Jesus" has become their husband and Is providing them with sexual gratification.

I prayed with another lady, who went to a foreign Country and was made a Spiritual bride, without Knowing it and she was plagued with a sex Demon, so badly that she almost went crazy.

And if you feel the call to help people afflicted in such a manner, you can always attend her Exorcism Healing Deliverance School.

(via The High Weirdness Project, in alt.conspiracy)

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August 30, 2006

Government bows down to moral panic

United Kingdom: The government has confirmed that it plans to make the possession of violent pornography an offence in response to a moral panic over the killing of Jane Longhurst by a man said to be obsessed with images of women being strangled. That man won an appeal against his conviction in the House of Lords last month.

As you might expect, many religious groups were involved in lobbying the government to change the law this way. The proposed new law would ban pornographic images which are also "acts that appear to be life threatening or are likely to result in serious, disabling injury", plus necrophilia and bestiality, with exceptions for documentary films, news and works of art. BDSM organisations such as The Spanner Trust are worried that such a law will serve to criminalise interest in consensual, but minority, sexual practices.

Everyone supporting the proposed legislation seems to agree that it will cut violent crime, but this seems unlikely and recent research suggests that it might even increase it. Anthony D'Amato of the Northwestern University School of Law recently published his findings on the link between access to pornography and rape. In particular, he was interested in the rape figures since porn became widely available on the internet. His statistics might surprise some: he found that a rise in access to porn correlated with a dramatic reduction in the incidence of rape. In his discussion of why this might be, he refers to the Reagan Commission on Pornography's conclusions and what might have happened if they were right:

For if they had been right that exposure to pornography leads to an increase in social violence, then the vast exposure to pornography furnished by the internet would by now have resulted in scores of rapes per day on university campuses, hundreds of rapes daily in every town, and thousands of rapes per day in every city. Instead, the Commisioners were so incredibly wrong that the incidence of rape has actually declined by the astounding rate of 85%.

But why would porn have such an effect. D'Amato thinks it's quite obvious—we're all a bunch of wankers.

Correlations aside, could access to pornography actually reduce the incidence of rape as a matter of causation? In my article I mentioned one possibility: that some people watching pornography may get it out of their system and thus have no further desire to go out and actually try it. Another possibility might be labeled the Victorian effect: the more that people covered up their bodies with clothes in those days, the greater the mystery of what they looked like in the nude. The sight of a woman’s ankle was considered shocking and erotic. But today, internet porn has thoroughly de-mystified sex. Times have changed so much that some high school teachers of sex education are beginning to show triple-X porn movies to their students in order to depict techniques of satisfactory intercourse.

I am sure there will be other explanations forthcoming as to why access to pornography is the most important causal factor in the decline of rape. Once one accepts the observation that there is a precise negative correlation between the two, the rest can safely be left to the imagination.

So, why does the government seem so keen on increasing sexual violence against women?

Possession of violent porn to be criminal offenceThe Guardian, 30th August 2006; D'Amato, A., 2006. Porn Up, Rape Down, Northwestern Public Law Research Paper No. 913013, 23 June 2006 (Link to abstract. Free registration required to download the paper). The other paper of his to which Amato refers is D'Amato, A., 1990. A New Political Truth: Exposure to Sexually Violent Materials Causes Sexual Violence, 31 William and Mary Legal Review. 575. [PDF]


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August 22, 2006

How to increase interest in current affairs

Sweden: The Swedish state broadcaster is somewhat embarassed after pornography was shown in the background to a news report.

A five-minute news update shown at the weekend included explicit scenes from a Czech porn movie on a monitor behind the anchor Peter Dahlgren.

This is highly embarrassing and unfortunate, said SVT's Per Yng.

The monitor had been switched by workers who had then forgotten to change it back, he told agency AP.

No viewers complained.

Swedish blunder puts porn on newsBBC News, 22nd August 2006.

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December 21, 2005

Everyone say 'Aww.....'

Wales: Among the many same-sex couples entering into legally-binding civil partnerships in England and Wales today are Philip Main and David Girvan. The Wrexham pair chose to wear their white Druid robes for the ceremony.

The 20-minute partnership ceremony at Wrexham's register office was an emotional event and as the pair walked down the aisle to classical music, their guests moved in their seats nervously.

Mr Main, 49, and Mr Girvan, 53, held hands as they exchanged their vows and swapped wedding rings.

There was a round of applause as an emotional registrar named them civil partners.

In case anyone has any doubts about whether it will last, they have been handfasted for the last 16 years. Coincidently, the first day on which the ceremony could take place is also the Winter Solstice. Alas, they will not be able to get drunk tonight, as both of them are performing in a pantomime.

Meanwhile, a Church of England vicar who has entered into a civil partnership with his boyfriend of 21 years has been threatened with disciplinary action by his bishop, as has the vicar who performed the blessing service after the event.

Druids become gay civil partnersBBC News, 21st December 2005; Gay vicar flouts partnership ruleBBC News, 21st December 2005.

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July 25, 2005

Palæolithic sisters are doing it for themselves

Germany: Archæologists have unearthed what appears to be the world's oldest sex toy. The sculpted and polished stone phallus was found in a cave near Ulm, and is life size.

Researchers believe the object's distinctive form and etched rings around one end mean there can be little doubt as to its symbolic nature.

It's highly polished; it's clearly recognisable, said Professor Conard.

There is also evidence that the dildo served a secondary purpose - it bears marks which show it was used for flint-knapping.

Ancient phallus unearthed in cave - BBC News, 25th July 2005.

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July 15, 2005

Selling The Gay

United States: Sometimes I hear about stories from other people, and these stories occasionally come not via a blog, but through some obscure mailing list. And they retell the tale so brilliantly, that there's no way I can get even close, but the thing isn't even linkable. The rest of this article is such a post, by Alex Elliott, reprinted with permission.

So here's the latest painfully earnest alarum from our friends at Focus on the HomosFamily:

Johnson & Johnson will be advertising its brand, Tylenol PM, in the July 19 issue of The Advocate, a leading gay magazine.

The ad shows two shirtless men in bed side by side. The text over one reads: 'His backache is keeping him up.' Over the other: 'His boyfriend's backache is keeping him up.'

Johnson & Johnson has been advertising in gay media since 1996. Robert Knight, director of the Culture and Family Institute, said people need to take notice.

'A lot of corporate America has bought into the idea that they can secretly promote homosexuality without their consumers noticing out there,' he said.

Personally, I would think that this ad promotes the purchase and consumption of Tylenol PM, not homosexuality. And it's in a gay magazine - read almost exclusively by people who are already pretty much sold on the whole homosexuality thing (plus the Good and Vigilant people at FotF, of course, who seem unable to tear their eyes away from such filth).

I guess we're supposed to imagine that little Jimmy Towhead will innocently pick this magazine up off the newsstand, skip over the numerous articles about homosexuality and photographs of dozens and dozens of actual homosexuals with no ill effect, see this ad, and say, Gosh - homosexuals get backaches. I want to be homosexual so I can get backaches too! and bam! he's caught The Gay.

That's not the funniest part though. This is the funniest part:

Mike Haley, director of the gender issues department at Focus on the Family, said the gay and lesbian community has a lot of expendable income, so they are targeting big corporations who are caving to their pressure.

Apparently the FotF people live in some fantasy world where the Johnson & Johnson executives are all like, We don't want to make any profit if it comes from homosexuals, and the Evil Gay Millionaires are all like, No, you must advertise to us! Cave to our pressure! and the J&J execs are totally like, No! Gay profit bad! Money bad! and the EGMs are like, Bwahahah! You must sell us Tylenol PM or we will destroy you in some mysterious way unspecified by Focus on the Family!! and the execs are all, Oh no, we submit! We are forced to make money and delight our shareholders against our will! Woe is us!!

Or something like that. Morons.


P.S. He said Johnson. Heh-heh.

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April 11, 2005

Andrea Dworkin is dead

I have nothing nice to say, so will say nothing. Instead, read what Susie Bright and Roz Kaveney have to say on the matter. You might be surprised.

Feminist icon Andrea Dworkin dies - The Guardian, 11th April 2005.

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January 28, 2005

Phallic symbol erect again

The People's Republic of Yorkshire: The Barwick-in-Elmet maypole will be back this year, because villagers have worked out how to erect it in accordance with recent bureaucratic health and safety regulations.

Residents at Barwick-in-Elmet had traditionally lowered and then raised the 86ft wooden pole with ropes, ladders and plenty of human effort.

It was last done this way in 1999 since when health and safety regulations have been made tougher.

These caused problems for villagers in 2002 -- when the triennial festival was last held -- and so they held the celebrations without the maypole ceremony.

But now they say they can meet the regulations and will first take down and then raise up the pole again, using a tractor and crane and manual labour.

Nigel Trotter, a qualified engineer, was confident the village could meet regulations and called a public meeting to galvanise support. Now chairman of the maypole committee, he said: Although the lifting techniques will be new to the ceremony, they are a logical development of the traditional techniques used over the past 50 years.

The maypole is traditionally lowered to ground at Easter and then raised again at Spring Bank Holiday (formerly Whitsuntide) which this year falls on Monday, May 30.

The festival will include all the usual traditional amusements, including a procession, maypole dancing and the crowning of a May Queen.

We're back in pole position... - Yorkshire Evening Post, 28th January 2005.

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January 23, 2005

God prefers dildos to religious books

United States: A Christian book store in Putney, Kentucky is likely to close due to poor sales. Mike Braithwaite, the owner, turned his sex shop into a Christian store when he found God, but it seems God did not approve of the move, and the business is now for sale.

Braithwaite had a conversion in 2002 after he was booked on charges of distributing obscene materials at his Love World store. He decided to burn all the leather gear, rubber playthings and other naughty merchandise and convert his business into a Bible bookstore named Mike's Place. The obscenity charges were dropped.

Despite admitting burning rubber, he appears not to have been charged under any environmental protection laws.

Porn Shop Turned Christian Bookstore For Sale - Wave 3 TV, 20th January 2005.

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January 7, 2005

God disagrees with Phelps over Sweden

Fred Phelps will be really upset when he hears that a genetic resistance to HIV/AIDS is most prevalent among Swedes.

Genetic resistance to AIDS works in different ways and appears in different ethnic groups. The most powerful form of resistance, caused by a genetic defect, is limited to people with European or Central Asian heritage. An estimated 1 percent of people descended from Northern Europeans are virtually immune to AIDS infection, with Swedes the most likely to be protected. One theory suggests that the mutation developed in Scandinavia and moved southward with Viking raiders.

This is presumably as much God's doing as the Tsunami which Phelps was gloating over so much.

Genetic HIV Resistance DecipheredWired News, 7th January 2005.

Posted by Feòrag in Fred Phelps and Willies at 22:59 | Comments (3) | View blog reactions

December 31, 2004

A shrine for every need

Japan: New Year's Eve is a popular time to visit certain Shinto shrines. Some of them are clearly helpful with those resolutions:

Kotohira-gu shrine in nearby Minato-ku is for those looking to give up vices like smoking, drinking and gambling.

But others deal with more realistic human aspirations:

Izuyama Jinja, another Shinto place of worship located in Atami, Shizuoka Prefecture, is best known for the tree on its grounds. The tree is called a butcher's broom, or nagi in Japanese and is named after Izanagi, the mythical god of Shinto legend whose spilled sperm formed the main Japanese islands. Carrying leaves from the tree is said to offer success in love.

Taking a bit both ways, according to Shukan Jitsuwa is Kyoto's Yasui Kompira, a shrine that offers people the chance to either find the love of their life, or get rid of an unwanted love. A stone's throw away is Ichidaninanano Jinja, a Shinto shrine that promises to requite unrequited love.

New Year shrines find pagan pilgrims looking for love, larger libidos - Mainichi Shimbun WaiWai, 31st December 2004. See also Unusual Japanese shrines - Pagan Prattle, 12th July 2002.

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December 29, 2004

Penis-snatching nothing new

Italy: A university lecturer has published a book arguing that an unusual mediæval mural in Tuscany is a depiction of witchcraft. The Massa Marittima mural shows a tree bearing penises as fruit, and a woman who appears to be poking the tree with a stick. Dr. George Fercozo, of the University of Leicester, thinks this represents something described in the Malleus Maleficarum:

In its description of witches' practices, intended to help witch-hunters identify their prey, it says they were in the habit of robbing men of their genitals.

[Witches] sometimes collect male organs in great numbers, as many as 20 or 30 members together, and put them in a bird's nest, or shut them up in a box, where they move themselves like living members, and eat oats and corn, wrote the authors of the Malleus Maleficarum.

Published in 1486, the manual brought together much of the legend surrounding sorceresses that had grown up in previous centuries.

Two of the other women in the mural are tearing at each other's hair as they appear to fight for possession of just such a magically liberated penis as the one described in the Malleus Maleficarum. On the other side of the woman with a stick another is being sodomised by another free-wheeling, or rather free-floating, male organ.

In the middle ages, heretics did one thing above all and that was sodomy, Dr Ferzoco said. To the medieval Italian mind, it was an act that exemplified unnaturalness, disharmony and lack of community.

Medieval mural's tales of sorcery - Education Guardian, 28th December 2004. See also Penis tree - fertility symbol or political poster? - Reuters, 7th December 2004, and the accompanying picture of the mural.

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September 22, 2004

Unconventional love magick

South Africa: A traditional healer is due to appear in court on a charge of raping a client who became suspicious of his unorthodox methods of applying potions.

The healer is accused of smearing muti on his penis, and then using it to inject the muti into the woman's vagina, said Capricorn police spokesperson, Captain Mohale Ramatseba, on Tuesday.

The muti was supposed to make the woman's boyfriend more interested in her, said Ramatseba.

But when the muti failed to work, the 21-year-old woman returned to the healer on Monday to complain.

When the healer prepared to inject her again, she ran to the Polokwane police station and reported him for rape.

When he tried it again this week and said he'd have to penetrate her deeper, she realised she was being taken for a ride, said Ramatseba.

Healer uses 'penis muti' - News24, 21st September 2004.

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August 3, 2004

Herpes linked to circumcision ritual

Israel: A dodgy-sounding variation on the circumcision ritual increases the risk of genital herpes according to a new study. Eight cases have been recorded, including one where a baby suffered brain damage and seizures as a result. The research was conducted by a team at Ben Gurion University led by the appropriately-named Benjamin Gesundheit, MD.

According to Jewish custom and traditions, newborn Jewish boys are ritually circumcised at eight days of age, and complications are generally very rare.
However, a small number of Orthodox rabbis advocate an ancient practice in which the circumciser sucks the blood from the infant's circumcision wound until the bleeding stops, a ritual known as metzitzah.
Researchers say the vast majority of ritual circumcisions are currently performed with a sterile suctioning device and not oral suction by the mohel.

The Chief Rabbinate of Israel has since announced that using a mechanical suction device is perfectly acceptable.

Rare Circumcision Ritual Carries Herpes Risk - WebMD Medical News, 2nd August 2004.

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 14:04 | View blog reactions

July 23, 2004

Vilja a allstór getnaþarlimur?

Even the Vikings were bothered about the size of their willies according to an academic based in Cardiff. Dr Carl Phelpstead of Cardiff University's School of English, Communication and Philosophy told the International Medieval Congress, held in Leeds last week, about the cultural-historical significance of three remarkable accounts of penile problems in the texts know as 'Sagas of Icelanders'.

In the Sagas of Icelanders, as today, a man is expected to have an appropriately sized penis and to be able, when occasion demands, to make it even larger; an unexpectedly small penis or an inability to achieve an erection leads to mockery and humiliation.
In one example, in Grettir's saga, a serving woman bursts out laughing when she sees Grettir Asmundarson naked. She remarks: it seems to me extraordinary how small he is below - I would not have believed it if someone had told me. The defensive Grettir points out that his large testicles compensate for his small penis.

Even the Vikings were troubled by the thought that size matters - News-Medical.Net, 23rd July 2004.

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 22:52 | Comments (1) | View blog reactions

July 5, 2004


United States: Protecting the innocent little kiddiewinks from evil pornography is not as simple as you might think, as 'mjsmitho' observes:

I was watching Fox News, during Greta Van Susteren, during which a promo for Your World with Neil Cavuto came on about protecting kids from porn. Well this is what I saw, a poor attempt to censor porn!!
They clearly blur the tit and apparently miss the big penis and penetration...

Needless to say, if you work for prudes, then the evidence is not suitable for work. I'm surprised anyone could miss a stiffy that big...

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 14:38 | View blog reactions

June 17, 2004

Mad Monk's Willy Lives On

Russia: Rasputin's family jewels, lovingly preserved in a pickle jar, are about to go on display in a Russian museum of erotica.

In a more innocent age, it was said that Gregory Efimovich Rasputin's legendary power over women was due to his piercing eyes.
But a new museum of erotica here suggests that the mad monk's charm may instead have been, ahem, concealed beneath his cassock.
Measuring 28.5cm (about 11 inches) — allowing for shrinkage caused by pickling — Rasputin's penis displayed in a tall glass bottle is, to put it delicately, a big attraction at the museum.
Continue reading "Mad Monk's Willy Lives On"
Posted by Red Wolf in Willies at 10:20 | View blog reactions

June 9, 2004

Will the Powerpuff Girls be there?

Australia: The City of Townsville, and a behind-the-times church continues to whinge about Puppetry of the Penis, several years after it wowed audiences at the Edinburgh Fringe. Despite record-breaking ticket sales, the Townsville Calvary Assembly of God feels the show is not wanted in their community, and wants to preserve a surprisingly Neopagan attitude to sex:

I don't think people realise the implications of this show -- it is full of brazen exhibitionism and sexual connotations that simply debase something sacred.
It debases sex and makes it animalistic and a figure of fun.

Penis puppetry angers church - Townsville Bulletin, 9th June 2004.

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Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 03:39 | Comments (1) | View blog reactions

March 29, 2004

Vegetarianism not Satanic, after all

Cambodia: A man has cut off his own penis, but not because of any Christian guilt, or because God told him to, but because he needed to feed some visiting spirits and had no other meat to offer them.

According to police, 33-year-old Soun Ney told the spirits to go away when they first appeared to ask for food, and waved his penis at them in defiance.
Devils, I don't have any chicken or duck for you, he was quoted as saying by local police chief Phoeung Vat. If you want to eat anything, you can eat my penis.
Soun Ney said the spirits agreed to eat his penis. He was rushed to a hospital near the capital Phnom Penh after he castrated himself with a butcher's knife.

Cambodian cuts off penis to feed spirits - Yahoo! News, 29th March 2004 (via The Cult of Father Darwin).

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 22:59 | Comments (3) | View blog reactions

March 17, 2004

If thine prick offend thee.

Canada: A man ran naked through the streets of Penticton, yelling Repent, repent, fornicators after cutting off his own penis and testicles. The severed parts were later found on a bulding site, but it was not known whether any attempt was made to re-attach them. The man was detained under the Mental Health Act. Unkindest cut of all - Calgary Sun, 11th March 2004.

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 22:35 | Comments (2) | View blog reactions

December 2, 2003

Yesterday's leftovers

New Zealand: As it launched a new campaign featuring a nude man, the New Zealand Aids Foundation (NZAF) blamed the closet for a spike in HIV infection on the South Island.

Mr Price said the surge in infections in the South Island was fuelled partly by deeply closeted men who have sex with men living in isolation from any identifiable gay community, which made it difficult to reach them with support and safe sex education...

...An earlier NZAF survey revealed that men who were isolated or too scared to come out and identify as gay were highly likely to practice unsafe sex.

As Mike A. of Ex-Gay Watch points out, this profile matches that of men involved in ex-gay ministries - Christian fundamentalist groups who try to surpress their homosexuality becuase they believe it's wrong, and asks

It may be advisable for ex-gays and other antigay same-sex-attracted individuals to pay closer attention to the role that closeted sexual attractions, antigay values, and unsafe binges play in the spread of HIV. Unfortunately, the Exodus web site offers no AIDS-prevention information, except to reject condoms even as a fallback measure, and to require total abstinence from an ex-gay population prone to unsafe compulsive behavior.

Nude men feature on HIV campaign billboardsThe Press, 2nd December 2003; New Zealand Ex-Gays at High Risk of HIV/AIDS?Ex-Gay Watch, 1st December 2003.

October 31, 2003

Man murdered over missing member

Gambia: A mob has beaten to death a man they accused of using sorcery to steal a man's penis.

Reports of penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, with purported victims claiming that alleged sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear in order to extort cash in the promise of a cure.
The police spokesman said many men in Serekunda were now afraid to shake hands, and he urged people not to believe reports of "vanishing" genitals. Belief in sorcery is widespread in West Africa.

Penis snatcher beaten to death - Yahoo! News, 31st October 2003.

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 16:25 | View blog reactions

October 21, 2003

Satan's friend nicked my willie!

Sudan: MEMRI's latest Special Dispatch (usual caveats apply) concerns a penis-snatching panic in Khartoum in September. Various press articles discussed a foreigner, usually West African, draining men's virility via a handshake.

Two of the victims agreed to tell their story to the London-based Arabic daily Al-Quds Al-Arabi. One of them, fabric merchant S. K. A., said that a man from a West African tribe came into his shop to buy fabric, but an argument quickly developed between the two. Then the West African shook the store owner's hand powerfully until the owner felt his penis melt into his body. The store owner became hysterical, and was taken to the hospital.
While the majority of accounts involved handshaking, another victim, who refused to give his name, said that while he was at the market, a man approached him, gave him a comb, and asked him to comb his hair. When he did so, within seconds, he said, he felt a strange sensation and discovered that he had lost his penis. It was also claimed that once 'Satan's Friend' drains a man's virility, he demands that his victim pay him over four million Sudanese pounds (about $3,000) to get it back.

The police and press, on the whole, appear to have been rather sceptical of the whole thing but one journalist concluded That man, who, as it is claimed, is from West Africa, is an imperialist Zionist agent that was sent to prevent our people from procreating and multiplying. Panic in Khartoum: Foreigners Shake Hands, Make Penises Disappear - MEMRI, 22nd October 2003.

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 19:14 | View blog reactions

October 13, 2003

Man murdered over 'stolen' penis

Gambia: A 28-year-old man has been beaten to death after allegations that he used magic to steal another man's penis. Such allegations are common--seven Gambian men were murdered as a result in 1997.

Reports of penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, with purported victims claiming that alleged sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear in order to extort cash in the promise of a cure.
The police spokesman said many men in Serekunda were now afraid to shake hands, and he urged people not to believe reports of vanishing genitals. Belief in sorcery is widespread in West Africa.

Suspected penis snatcher beaten to death - Yahoo! News, 10th October 2003.

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 15:05 | View blog reactions

October 7, 2003

God's todger

South Africa: The wife of a Dutch Reformed preacher is convinced that the tower leading to her church's entrance is a male sexual organ which is making love to the goddess of the sky.

She wrote a letter to the congregation talking about her vision in which the tower, a structure about 8m high, was unmistakably the sign of the Freemasons and also resembled the image of the sun god of Babel.
According to the church's caretaker, Lukas Marais, the elders of the congregation will now have to decide whether to destroy the tower. It would cost R100 000 [£8676/€12400] to do the work.

Other members of the church were of the opinion that there were more important matters at hand, like poverty and hunger. Preacher's wife causes a stir with vision about phallic symbol - The Mercury, 6th October, 2003 (via Gullibility isn't in the dictionary).

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 11:46 | Comments (2) | View blog reactions

October 2, 2003


United States: Some Roman Catholics are upset at a statue of a Catholic clergyman, because the traditional mitre on his head looks a bit like a penis. The sculptor was brought up Catholic, and the statue depicts what he imagined was on the other side of the confessional when he was a small boy:

The artist says, I was brought up Catholic. I remember being 7 and going into the dark confessional booth for the first time. I knelt down, and my face was only inches from the thin screen that separated me and the one who had the power to condemn me for my evil ways. I was scared to death, for on the other side of that screen was the person you see before you.

Which is apparently Catholic-bashing at its worst. Clergy statue stirs up campus - The Lawrence Journal-World, 2nd October 2003.

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 12:04 | Comments (4) | View blog reactions

February 23, 2003

Now it's the men's turn

More than 250 men stripped off and lay in formation to spell out Peace Man to protest about Australia's involvement in the planned war. The demonstrators were entertained by Puppetry of the Penis.

Co-organiser Cameron Sparkes-Carroll said the protesters weren't afraid to bare their manhood to denounce small men with big guns.
We were also making an ironic comment about the small man syndrome that leads to the need for big guns, he said.

Men's turn for naked protest - HeraldSun, 24th February 2003.

On the same topic, TV Smith has released his anti-war song Not In My Name as a free MP3 download. The song has proved popular during his live performances but apparently he didn't want to be seen to profit from the war by releasing it as a conventional single (via Avedon Carol's The Sideshow).

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 16:13 | View blog reactions

February 8, 2003

War is pants

In Australia, 750 naked women formed a love heart surrounding the words NO WAR to protest the presence of Australian troops in the Middle East. (Photo) - Associated Press, 8th February 2003.

Of course, some people see far more into this increasingly common form of protest. BLK KAT told a number of newsgroups, including alt.conspiracy and alt.pagan that the picture showed that Witchs Back Saddam Hussein, and provided a fresh caption: Witches dance naked in unholy circle to try and conjure up a protective spell to keep their warlock hero safe.

Posted by Feòrag in Conspiracies and Willies at 23:51 | Comments (1) | View blog reactions

January 15, 2003

Does he take offerings of grapes?

A local saint in Portugal has a sense of humour. St. Goncalo of Murtosa, in the north of the country, has a reputation for curing haemorrhoids if you show him the affected part. He can also help in cases of teenage acne and his festival is particularly relevant to young lovers:

The mischievous Saint Goncalo has a loyal local following. Every June, during a festival in his honour in the nearby town of Amarante, unmarried men and women exchange penis-shaped cakes as tokens of their affection.

Mischievous saint gets to the bottom of parishioners' woes - The Guardian, 15th January 2003.

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 13:01 | View blog reactions

November 5, 2002

Bargain of the Day: Holy dildoes

Divine Interventions Silicone Dildos are a range of

...high-quality silicone dildos (and butt-toys) in the shapes of religious figures. Perfect gifts for the iconoclasts in your life. We feel they are a light-hearted, humorous look at the relationship between religion and sex...

The range includes Buddha, the Devil, the Grim Reaper, Jackhammer Jesus, the Virgin Mary and a Diving Nun, which will no doubt be popular with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. A Baby Jesus Butt-Plug is also available. (Thanks, Avedon)

Posted by Feòrag in Religious Tat and Willies at 18:01 | View blog reactions

August 25, 2002

Bargain of the Day: Chi condoms

A new condom which vibrates by drawing on the body's own energy, ki (chi), is selling well in Japan. A representative of marketing company Ii Project told the Shukan Post:

Various substances emit vibrating waves. These create an extremely weak energy, which we think is how ki manifests itself. As each of these substances has its own fixed pattern of throbbing, we have learned that throwing them all together creates a variety of influences. These substances quivering together have given the vibrating condom some amazing features. We've had some customers tell us how it has given them greater staying power or permitted greater sensation.

New vibrating condom unlocks the power of kiMDN WaiWai, August 24th 2002.

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Posted by Feòrag in Religious Tat and Willies at 16:44 | View blog reactions

July 17, 2002

Virgin Mary and the horse's dong

A bronze statue of a horse has been forced to don iron underpants in case another statue - of the Virgin Mary - is offended by its anatomincal accuracy. The local anti-vivisection league in Catania, Sicily, has complained. Representative Alfio Lisi said:

Covering a bronze statue's genitals is a thoroughly irresponsible and inconceivable act. Someone should explain to the municipality that we're not living in the Middle Ages anymore. Acts like this have been done in the past, but don't they realise that it was God who created all the creatures as they are, including their genitals? I don't think that the Madonna's statue will be embarrassed by the sight of bronze genitals and above all, art shouldn't really be censored whatsoever.

Iron pants cover horse statue's genitals for religious procession - Ananova, July 17th 2002.

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 15:42 | View blog reactions

July 12, 2002

Unusual Japanese shrines

Mainichi Daily News WaiWai republishes articles from Japan's "wild weeklies". Japan's religious oddities -- from 2 meter woodies to temple of the mount, from Spa! looks at some of the more unusual Shinto and Buddhist shrines to be found around the country.

Kanayama Jinja Shrine in Kawasaki plays a similar role. Its grounds contain myriad phallic statues adorned with prayer boards written by followers whose fears about fornication give them the willies.
Craftsmen who used fire or iron during the Edo Period (1603-1868) had a deep belief in the god Kanayama. People soon made the link between tools that spark fire and harmony among couples,the shrine's chief priestess Kimiko Nakamura tells Spa!. The shrine is said to answer the prayers of those seeking lots of offspring and prevent venereal diseases. Recently, it's said to ward off AIDS and ensure the success of sex change operations.

Other shrines focus on traditional fertility problems and on getting people together in the first place.

Posted by Feòrag in Heritage and Willies at 15:34 | View blog reactions

May 1, 2002

Hooray, hooray, the first of May

England: The Long Man of Wilmington now lives up to his name with the mysterious overnight addition of a 6m penis. The appendage was noticed this morning by members of the Long Man Morris Men who danced at the site to celebrate May Day. No permanent damage has been done to the chalk hill figure as the whopping willie was simply painted onto the grass and will disappear with the first lawnmower of spring.

Rent-a-quote and self-proclaimed King of the Witches, Kevin Carlyon, complained that it was wrong as he thinks the figure, which previously had no gender-specific characteristics, is a woman. Twenty foot penis painted on ancient hill figureAnanova, May 1st 2002.

Meanwhile, Edinburgh's Beltane celebrations were held on Calton Hill as usual. A single protester from a local evangelical church turned up with placards urging the gathered crowds to obey all of God's laws. He was wearing a wool sweater with cotton trousers! Some American "Christians" tried to heckle the performers but were drowned out by the drums. Beltane Fire Society web site.

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Posted by Feòrag in Heritage and King Kevin and Willies at 14:15 | View blog reactions

March 16, 2002


A Chilean greengrocer faces bankruptcy after having his penis amputated in a botched operation. Superstitious customers are avoiding his stall because they think he will bring bad luck. He is trying to sue the doctor responsible. Residents on the island of Castro are noted for their superstition - they believe the place is controlled by wizards, for example. Man 'faces bankruptcy' after having penis amputated - Ananova, March 15th 2002.

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 22:43 | View blog reactions

January 12, 2002


The gods have a sense of humour, if this particular psychic gift is anything to go by... Sexy seer says more to fellatio than meets the eye, Mainichi Daily News, 7th January 2002.

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 19:13 | View blog reactions

December 30, 2001


Welcome to the new, online version of the Pagan Prattle. This is the place where I'll put all those strange news stories I like, so you can come here rather than waiting months for me to get round to doing the print version. Here's some slightly old, but typical news: Benin alert over 'penis theft' panic (BBC, 27th November 2001)

Expect tales of moral panics, loony fundies and archæology, and while this gets going, why not use the links to the right to check out the most recent print edition of the Pagan Prattle?

Posted by Feòrag in Willies at 18:00 | View blog reactions

June 21, 1994

News: shorts

United States: In September, according to prosecutors, Dan Koenigsberg schemed to harass Mel Henderson, the only black member of the Teaneck, N. J., city council, during a meeting being shown live on local TV. Koenigsberg hired a messenger to dress in a gorilla costume and to bring Henderson a bunch of bananas, a toy monkey, and two balloons with drawings of monkeys on them. Koenigsberg later apologized in a letter to a local newspaper: My intention was not to bring race into the political debate. [Newark Star-Ledger, December 1993, via News of the Weird, 18th February 1994]

Continue reading "News: shorts"

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Freedom in our skins?

This article was written by Geri Corvus. Ignore any other bylines!

For over 20 years, Genesis P. Orridge has been living out his highly original form of art. Starting out with public exhibits of used tampons, condoms and nappies and continuing with a range of 'performance art' including experimental music, films and mixed-media shows, he has never gone for the safe option of commerciality. He has explored magic, shamanism and psychedelics. His life is his work and his work lies (he considers) in extending all possible boundaries.

On 15th February 1992, his Brighton home was raided by the Obscene Publications Squad, who seized 2 tons of videos, photographs and films.

It was Orridge's entire 20-year collection, much of it valuable archive material such as unpublished work by William Burroughs. Most conveniently for the Squad, Orridge was in Nepal at the time meeting Tibetan mystics and helping out at a refugees' soup kitchen along with partner Alaura and their two young daughters.

The next day, the Observer newspaper ran a front-page story stating that a genuine satanic abuse video had been unearthed and would be screened by Channel 4 that week as undeniable evidence of bloody Satanic sacrifice. Sex and blood rituals are taking place beneath a picture of Aleister Crowley. The trappings of black magic are obvious.

Continue reading "Freedom in our skins?"

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