The Pagan Prattle

Religious maniac hijacks plane.

2009-09-10T07:42:47Z

Mexico: The hijacking of an airliner yesterday turns out to have been done in the name of religion, with the guidance of the hijacker's imaginary friend:

The Bible-carrying hijacker used a juice can he said was a bomb to hold the 103 passengers and crew on the tarmac for more than an hour before masked police stormed the aircraft with guns drawn and escorted several handcuffed men away without firing a shot....

Jose Flores, 44, later told police his three companions were "the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost". ...

He is also a Christian music singer who in videos posted on YouTube sings of leaving drugs and finding God.

Strangely, the press have not been calling out for bans on Christian symbolism, suggesting those who wear such symbols be treated with suspicion, nor printing articles suggesting all Christians are inclined towards terrorism.

HIJACKER 'LOOKED FOR SIGN FROM GOD'—Daily Express, 10th September 2009.

Classic Prattle headline recycling: They're at it again!

2009-09-09T11:17:40Z

United Kingdom: I'm still busy dinking with the back-end, so I leave it to Richard Bartholomew to observe that the Satanic abuse myth "true believers" didn't go away when their ridiculous allegations were proved to be hate-driven lies, they just evolved: Satanic Panic Rides Again.

Things about to go pear-shaped

2009-09-02T14:41:28Z

I'm about to update the Prattle's design and implement some new stuff. Things will look a little odd whilst I am transferring templates from the test bed.

Update: That's the worst over with. Now I get to find all the little problems that didn't show up in the testbed.

Another "witch" murdered

2009-08-17T11:06:38Z

Ghana: A pastor has been arrested and remanded in custody on charges that he caned a 40-year-old woman to death because he thought she was a witch. Pastor James Kusi, leader of the Warriors of Zion Prayer camp, became convinced of this after he caned her children to get them to confess.

DSP Wowolo said the suspect invited the children to the camp and insisted that they confess that were witches.

He said when they refused, the pastor decided to cane them to compel them to confess.

DSP Wowolo said Kusi claimed that the children had confessed that it was their mother who gave them the witchcraft and had planned to sacrifice their father for this year's Christmas feast.

What is it with pastors and a desire to beat people?

Meanwhile, in South Africa, two brothers have been jailed for 15 years each for the murder of their stepfather whom they believed had bewitched their mother.

On June 10 they took her to an inyanga, who told them that she had been bewitched by a close family member.

The inyanga told us that we should not take my mother to hospital for admission as she would die. The inyanga told us we should perform a ritual at home to appease the ancestors and return to her the following day for further treatment” said Nkanyiso.

The stepfather had a long history of abusing the brothers' mother, something the judge took into account in sentencing.

Pastor canes alleged witch to death —Ghana News Agency, 16th August 2009; Brothers get 15 years for murder—The Witness, 17th August 2009.

Sparing the rod: a well-overdue update

2009-08-16T15:57:09Z

United States: Way back in July 2002, we reported on two Texas pastors who had seriously beaten a boy in their care, but neglected to ever follow-up the story. Fortunately, News 8 Austin, a local news channel took a great interest in the case.

]]> The pastors handed themselves in to the police, and were released on bail. It quickly became apparent that the pastors at the church, including the two brothers and their father, preached regularly on the benefits of their peculiar brand of non-consensual sadism.

He would explain how you had to use a rod because the belt didn't do it, because it would just leave lashes. But the rod would get into the soul, would get deep down into the skin, she said. ...

Everybody had a different way of telling you how the will is broke, she said. Some of them would say the will is broke if they don't move anymore; some of them would say the will is broke if they just faint, if you just spank them until they have no more energy. And I left because I just couldn't take it.

The case came to trial in December 2003 where the jury heard that the boy suffered kidney damage as a result of the beating. They were shown pictures of his injuries, including serious bruising to his back and legs. The defence seemed to consist of It wasn't us, honest.

The brothers were found guilty on all counts and the defence had the nerve to ask for a non-custodial sentence! They didn't get their wish.

Joshua was given 26 years for injury to a child and 20 years for aggravated assault. He would serve both of those sentences concurrently.

Jurors sentenced Caleb Thompson to 14 years for both counts. He would also serve those sentences concurrently.

Their lawyers' chutzpah came to the fore when one of them said they would appeal because he was worried about the Thompsons being targeted by other inmates in prison because of their religious background and the nature of the crime. I never knew Christians were a minority in Texas! That appeal failed.

The Judge said they would have to serve at least half their sentences before being eligible for parole, which means that Caleb Thompson could be out at the end of this year. Still, there are some people who think that that was too harsh. Must they spend these valuable years of their youth locked away with murders, rapists and child molesters? they cry. They forgot the words the other before child molesters there.

A civil case for damages ended in favour of the boy's parents and the Thompsons agreed to pay a large sum of money, thought to be $.1.5 million.

Stupidest anti-evolution argument yet

2009-08-16T12:21:32Z

Turkey: Creationist bampots are rather active in allegedly secular Turkey, and they have an Islamic flavour. Adnan Oktar, author of the notorious Atlas of Creation is apparently banged up for creating an illegal organisation for personal gain and making threats, so it's up to his cronies to fly the creationist flag. And they are even more lacking in basic science, even though one of them is a brain surgeon! A correspondent for soL, a Turkish left-wing news portal, watched the TV debate and reports:

During the TV show, Dr. Oktar Babuna and Cihat Gündoğdu tried to disprove arguments of the scientists...

They called in the question which evolution created angel and daemon, how felicities in the heaven evolved, how the snake came into existence out of the baton as well as the bird out of mud. The creationists tried to disprove evolution theory with these questions.

They did not address how other similar creatures, such as invisible pink unicorns, cast doubt on evolutionary theory.

"Well then, how did angels evolve?"—soL, 16th August 2009.

God is incompetent

2009-08-01T16:38:21Z

Scotland: A few days ago, a tornado hit Stornoway on the Isle of Lewis. Ten days or so before that, the first Sunday ferry sailed to Stornoway, and eight days (the Record got it wrong) after the first civil partnership took place on the island. It took less than 24 hours for a superstitious bampot to make a connection between these events and his imaginary friend.

The Reverend James Tallach, of the Free Presbyterian Church of Scotland, told the Record: I'm not in a position to say this was the will of God. I don't have that information here.

"But I am prepared to say that it's certain no good will come out of defying God's law.

"That is what a Civil Partnership does. What happened on Monday was in defiance of God.

"We have also seen a clear breach of the Fourth Commandment, which regards keeping the Sabbath holy. Sunday sailings were also against the law of God.

You can see why we keep these people on a small island a long way from civilisation. Anyway, we can draw one major conclusion from this: God has a really shit aim. He managed to miss the fuel depot for the ferries, for example. Furthermore, the Prattle has a contact on Lewis, a man who was on that first Sunday ferry and who wore a T-shirt designed to wind up the protesters. Obviously the sort of character God would want to smite, and indeed He got within about 20 metres. The exact quote was something like Well it hit number 34, but I live at number 32! Really, you can't get the deities these days.

Discussion in the pub also brought forth an interesting hypothesis: if we take the time between an event said to incur the wrath of God, and an incident which is said to be caused by the aforementioned wrath, then we can work out how far away God must be. Of course, this assumes a deity is bound by the speed of light.

Stornoway tornado was 'wrath of God', says minister—Daily Record, 30th July 2009.

Religious group is accepting, respects diversity and generally tries to make up for all the rest.

2009-07-31T20:05:35Z

There are a few religious groups that rarely, if ever, feature in the Prattle. Some, seem to think, conspiratorially, that Judaism never features but the responses demonstrate that that is not the case. No, the group that most notably never features here is the Religious Society of Friends, better known as the Quakers. And today's news demonstrates why: whilst other denominations are spewing out homophobic hate speech, the Quakers have been quietly thinking about it (for 20 years, apparently), and today a decision was made:

This open sharing of personal experience has moved us and added to our clear sense that, 22 years after the prospect was first raised at Meeting for Sufferings we are being led to treat same sex committed relationships in the same way as opposite sex marriages, reaffirming our central insight that marriage is the Lord’s work and we are but witnesses. The question of legal recognition by the state is secondary.

We therefore ask Meeting for Sufferings to take steps to put this leading into practice and to arrange for a draft revision of the relevant sections of Quaker faith and practice, so that same sex marriages can be prepared, celebrated, witnessed, recorded and reported to the state, as opposite sex marriages are. We also ask Meeting for Sufferings to engage with our governments to seek a change in the relevant laws so that same sex marriages notified in this way can be recognised as legally valid, without further process, in the same way as opposite sex marriages celebrated in our meetings. We will not at this time require our registering officers to act contrary to the law, but understand that the law does not preclude them from playing a central role in the celebration and recording of same sex marriages.

News release and background on Committed Relationships paper for YMG09—Quakers In Britain, n.d., but the press release itself is 31st July 2009.

A quick round-up

2009-07-17T19:19:50Z

Well, the comments might be working, or they might not be (previewing first definitely does work), and regardless, they look odd. Search definitely isn't working, but here are a few stories to keep you occupied while I try and fix things:

One of the day care abuse cases from the 80s has been resolved as Bernard Baran wins his appeal after 21 years in prison for a crime which never happened. Background information at freebaran.org.

Virgin Mary spotted in bird shit.

Israeli Supreme Court rules in favour of a Christian who had Kosher certification removed from her bakery due to her having the wrong set of superstitions.

Sorted

2009-07-15T16:15:18Z

The update has happened, and it's mostly running okay, although Six Apart appears to have decided that accents in names are Unamerican or something as, however I render mine, it mangles them (but only in comments).

Expect random stuff to happen as I get to grips with the new templating system and try to incorporate new functionality without buggering up my existing style. You'll already notice that "last updated" dates are back on the Conspiracy Lists, but that the exact date has been lost in the move yesterday. Feh.

Update: Accents are working now, threaded comments seem okay. Now to see if I can implement userpics, and then hunt out a plug-in that offers Gravatars as an option.

Upcoming Maintenance

2009-07-15T11:07:01Z

Later today I'm going to try and update all the blogs on this server to a newer version of Movable Type. What this means: some time in the next few hours, I'm going to disable comments on all blog entries, on all our blogs. This is to permit me to take a backup snapshot of the current system (and the underlying database) before I start the upgrade. Once the upgrade is complete and tested, I'll re-enable comments. If it fails ... restore from backup. To reiterate: you'll still be able to read the Prattle while we're upgrading it — just not post comments.

Bargain of the Day: a spectacularly ugly doll

2009-07-13T11:29:07Z

One of the claims made in favour of religion is that is inspires great art. Today's bargain offers a strong counterpoint to that argument. In case you are wondering, the item in question is a hand-made figurine or, in the words of its creator, Ooak polymer clay mini girl and worship flag. There are many, many more pictures on the auction page, where we learn that this is not a one-off, but part of The Worship Collection from Marâ€™s little Universe.

Hello from The Mar's little Universe Nursery. This is my 2nd in the worship mini collection. She is a full sculpt of polymer clay with blue glass bead eyes, and light blonde wavy(very out of control) mohair. Her robe is white w/purple hearts, and her flag is swirled white onto purple. She was lightly blushed on the face w/artist acrylic paint(a little gloss on her lips) and lightly sprayed with a satin finish on her body and flag. I also marked her on the bottom. This is totally my creation inspired by my own worship time with flags to my amazing loving God, and like the rest of my creations-no molds either. It is a very true original one of a kind in every way!

Thank you for looking. I know this is not perfect, but she is made with love. Note: This is not a toy..and should not be given to small children.

Presumably because it would frighten them. It's nice to know they're meant to be hearts, too, as I was wondering as to the religious significance of a cowhide dress. And note she says she was inspired by God to create this, so no more of the great art argument, okay?

The Great Michael Jackson Conspiracy List

2009-06-26T11:50:07Z

Well, that didn't take long. There are already two main conspiracy theories developing surrounding the demise of singer Michael Jackson: the first is that he was murdered in some symbolic way by the conspiracy; the second that he isn't dead at all. Note that the police do consider his death to be suspicious and are investigating the possibility of unlawful killing, which just fans the conspiracies further. This list is really just a Wee Conspiracy List at the moment, but no doubt it will expand over time.

]]>

THE CONSPIRACY AND CHUMS

-- Sputnik Forces Kills Michael Jackson! --—Nancy Luft in alt.conspiracy (and several billion other places), 26th June 2009.
First The Sputnik Forces broke the ankle of Sotomayor, Obama's nominee to our Supreme Count. Then The Sputnik Forces broke the elbow of Obama's Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, and she even had to have surgery on it. Next The Sputnik Forces crashed those two subway trains in Washington DC. And I just heard that now The Sputnik Forces murdering the singer Michael Jackson with a heart attack and he was only 50 years old. What next?
(added by Feòrag, 26th June 2009.)
Ding-ding-ding TRIAD OF DEATH//TRIAD OF DEATH//TRIAD!!—Arthur Preacher in alt.conspiracy, 26th June 2009.
While everybody is being distracted by the phony CIA propaganda coming out of Iran and the kook the runs North Korea, some unsavory group delivered a TRIAD OF DEATH by us one more time!! We should have been ready and we would have been ready, but we were distracted, once again!!

Of course I am referring to Ed McMahon, Farah Fawcett and Micheal Jackson. Simply put, WHAT did they know and who were they going to TELL and WHY now! There has to be a thread running here, and it is up to US to untangle this incredible WEB of DECEIT. We are up to the task because if we fail here, we can expect another TRAID of DEATH!!

The end of Kodachrome MAY hold a clue!!
That last line leaves me suspicious that someone is taking the piss. (added by Feòrag, 26th June 2009.)
January 6.2009: President Elect Obama begged Michael Jackson to perform at his inaugaration — Dirk Bruere at NeoPax in alt.activism.death-penalty, 27th June 2009. In response to a post noting that he must have been really ill to have turned down such an opportunity:
You're not thinking this through.
Nobody turns down an order from the New World Order Illuminati Nazi Jew conspiracy and lives.
(added by Feòrag, 27th June 2009.)
Michael Jackson Murdered—Charles Douglas Wehner in alt.music.michael-jackson, 26th June 2009.
There can be no doubt that the Freeeeeeeeeeak gang who run the United States murdered Michael Jackson.
This one has to be read! (added by Feòrag, 29th June 2009.)
Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett the Latest Celebrity Victims of Big Pharma—Natural News, 26th June 2009.
That Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett both died in the last 48 hours is shocking news to many, but it's not nearly as surprising as the fact that they were both killed by Big Pharma's toxic drugs.
This hypothesis is explained further here, and the same publication also refers to a lawsuit against everyone which mentions Michael Jackson. (added by Feòrag, 29th June 2009.)
Did Ahmadinejad kill Michael Jackson?—Kanamgir (Archer), 26th June 2009. (added by Feòrag, 1st July 2009.)
Russiaâ€™s FSB Reports Pop Icon Michael Jackson Assassinated By CIA—Four Winds 10, 26th June 2009.
FSB sources are reporting to President Medvedev today that American pop icon Michael Jackson was most assuredly assassinated by the US Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) after an examination of data transmitted by a Russian Militaryâ€™s Kosmos 2450 satellite show conclusively that immediately prior to the music stars death in Los Angeles an electromagnetic pulse consistent in pattern to EMR weapons looted from the former Soviet Union by the United States was employed at the exact coordinates of the rock stars home.
(added by Feòrag, 13th July 2009.)
MICHAEL JACKSON: DEATH OF A DEVIL—Christopher Story in Four Winds 10, 7th July 2009.
Michael Jackson was a creature of the Bush-CIA/DVD Crime Syndicate, a money-making 'platform' operation which â€“ like the later J. K. Rowling Harry Potter committee-written, witchcraft-teaching, child-depraving operation directed by a filthy revolutionary cell inside the â€˜Blackâ€™ components of British counterintelligence â€“ was framed with just two objectives in mind:
- To maximise the revolutionary potential for calling good evil, and evil good, in order to generate mass multiple personality disorder among our children and young people so as to satisfy depraved revolutionary mind-control objectives and to enlarge the pool of children 'available' for abuse.
- To establish a money cow and a consequent flow of funds for 'platform' trading purposes.
As for Jackson, letâ€™s revert briefly to his experience of â€˜sudden death syndromeâ€™. It has been put to us by the informed sources who made us aware of Jacksonâ€™s â€˜Bush dimensionâ€™, that those forces who are engaged in warfare behind the scenes against the CIA-DVD Bush-Clinton Crime Syndicate, eliminated Jackson in order to close down the â€˜trading platformâ€™ potential that was associated with this manipulated, depraved paedophile. Recall that tickets for exhibitions of narcissistic Jackson depravity to be launched from the epicentre of geomasonry, London, were being sold for venues throughout the world, out to next spring: a nice depravity-spreading little earner, hey what?
(added by Feòrag,13th July 2009.)
Jackson was murdered, says star's sister—ABC News, 12th July 2009.
I believe Michael was murdered - I felt that from the start, she said.

Not just one person was involved, rather it was a conspiracy of people. He was surrounded by a bad circle....

La Toya accuses a shadowy group of cutting her sibling off from his family and friends and forcing him to sign up for 50 comeback concerts at London's O2 Arena, shows billed as This Is It.

She says they saw him as a cash cow and got him hooked on drugs - I think it shocked his system so much it killed him.
She later claimed to know who was responsible and threatened to name them publicly. (added by Feòrag, 13th July 2009.)

HE ATEN'T DED

MJ Fakes Death? His BODY moves - ****VIDEO**** —Warhol in alt.conspiracy, 26th June 2009.
I saw the video in HD, the motherfacker did move, he sat up a little, then laid down like he was adjusting himself to get more comfortable..

Holy shit did this guy fake his death??

It is plausible given his connection to the Presley family that he could fake his won death to escape his legal and financial problems like his former father-in-law.

I smell a rat here and I Know he is alive.
soon all the truths will be known...

When the Ark is revealed, it will be used to raise him to life.
This post refers to a video on YouTube which purports to show him moving. I can't see it myself. It also brings in one of today's more interesting news stories—that the Patriarch of the Ethiopian Orthodox Church plans to unveil the Ark of the Covenant. You can read a summary of World Nut Daily's conspiracy theories surrounding that over at Bartholomew's Notes on Religion (added by Feòrag, 26th June 2009.)
A certain respected news publication claims to have predicted him faking his death. MICHAEL JACKSON FAKED HIS OWN DEATH?—Weekly World News, 26th June 2009.
In a 1994 issue of Weekly World News, it was predicted that superstar Michael Jackson was so heartsick with the nightmare his troubled life had become, he would fake his own death â€“ just like Elvis!...

The cover story will be that Michael Jackson suffered a fatal heart attack while riding his Ferris wheel. Jacksonâ€™s â€˜remainsâ€™ will be cremated and his â€˜ashesâ€™ will be scattered on the grounds of his estate, he explains.
(added by Feòrag, after Red Wolf pointed it out, 26th June 2009.)
Michael Jackson Sightings (added by Feòrag, 1st July 2009.)
Michael Jackson Hoax Death (added by Feòrag, 1st July 2009.)

HE WAS ALREADY DEAD

Jackson dead 20 years ago?—countrygirl8808 on HubPages, 1st July 2009 (probably - date the user joined the site).
Just today, there has been a chilling discovery at "Michael Jackson's" Neverland Ranch. Investigators have uncovered a corpse buried just inches beneath the train tracks that run across the ranch. Supposedly, through dental record examinations as well as DNA tests there has been a confirmation that the corpse found belongs to the real Michael Jackson.

They stated that the state of decomposition leads them to believe that Michael died around the time that his album "Bad" was released.
(added by Feòrag, 1st July 2009.)

ODDMENTS

Michael Jackson Conspiracy Malware—Wireless hack,Wifi hack & security, 1st July 2009.
This week, weâ€™ve seen a rise in malware purporting to show images and video leading up to Michaelâ€™s death â€” many malware groups around the world appear to be getting in on the act.
(added by Feòrag, 8th July 2009.)
Family Sees Image Of Michael Jackson In Tree Stump—CBS13, 5th July 2009. (added by Feòrag, 8th July 2009.)
Are the Jackson rehearsal photographs fake? This one seems to be.—Holy Moly, 30th June 2009. (added by Feòrag, 13th July 2009.)

Bargain of the Day: mail-order corpus crispie

2009-06-09T09:44:54Z

A church is making a remarkable offer of interest of host desecraters everywhere: mail-order consecrated host. The cleric responsible, though, has already sussed that sensible and differently-superstitious people will take advantage of the service:

He said the organisation was taking care and concern over appropriate packaging for the wafer, which is no more than a millimetre thick, to ensure it remained intact on arrival, before adding that anyone - including atheists and even satanists - could avail themselves of the service. Jesus did not make these distinctions. He gave himself to anyone and everyone. It makes no difference, the body of Christ is redeeming.

Would that last sentence be a health claim? Enquiring minds want to know whether the Open Episcopal Church believes in transubstantiation, as that surely affects the usefulness of the cracker for shenanigans?

Crochet religious toys

2009-06-04T19:15:14Z

Not wanting to step on the toes of What Not to Crochet, but there are some bizarre religious patterns out there. For example, there's this Venus of Willendorf doll. The same designer has also come up with a really impressive Kali and the Virgin Mary, which is an interesting threesome really.

Another Goddess can be found in the form of Blessed Elements' Goddess for all Seasons, and the patterns for decorating her for spring, summer, autumn and winter.

Those inclined towards East Asian traditions can make themselves a Maneki Neko. And we must not forget Cthulhu.

Not a toy, but really, just read the explanation of this pattern: Goddess Blessed Study Bookmark.