Feòrag: April 2005 Archives

April 29, 2005

Bargain of the Day: the Melbourne Sheet

The Turin Shroud? Pah! That's nothing compared to this amazing Australian Sheet with imprint of virgin mary / christ, and you can't buy the shroud on eBay!

[Jesus, or Mary, or Che or someone, in a sheet]Bed sheet was donated to the salvation army store in St Kilda australia along with clothes shopper and staff whitnessed the clean bed sheet the all of a sudden the imprint of Jesus christ / virgin mary appeared.As seen on Channel seven news , a current affair channel 9 , international news and Uk news press.

The vendor isn't sure who the image is of, but the beardiness and hat suggests Che Guevara reading a newspaper to me. There again, that wimple and veil with the beard means it's probably a Sister of Perpetual Indulgence, so the message this sheet bears is Here's a condom. Have fun with it.

April 28, 2005

Bargain of the Day: Part used jar of mayo

The Virgin Mary has, rather appropriately, appeared in the form of unfertilised eggs, and is for sale on eBay as Virgin Mary Mayonnaise Jar Mayo Christ Guadalupe IT'S A MIRACLE! Virgin Mary appears in Mayo Jar:

[Virgin Mary in a jar of mayonnaise]You have seen her in a tunnel in Chicago. You have seen her on soiled bedsheets in Mexico. You have seen her on a grilled cheese sandwhich. You have seen her just about everywhere. But you have NEVER seen her in a mayonnaise jar. Here for the first time EVER, the Lady of Guadalupe makes an appearance in a jar of mayonnaise. The one identifying aspect of this true miracle is that the street name where the miracle happened is Guadalupe Avenue. No, this is not a joke, this is for real.

Look at the picture, and see it for yourself. A true miracle has taken place right before the making of a ham and cheese.

US CUSTOMERS ONLY (And MAYBE Mexico). Winner pays $4.95 PRIOIRTY shipping and handling with DELIVERY CONFIRMATION #. PAYPAL ONLY. We do not accept pesos.

The vendor does not explain why the Virgin has a beard.

Scrapings from the bottom of the spam filter

Kuwait (allegedly), but Nigeria really: Another religious-themed scam has found its way into my spam trap. Read on for the terribly sad tale of Mrs.ROSE MARIA LEO:

April 26, 2005

An explanation for Microsoft's anti-gay stance?

United States: John Aravosis has been poking around and has discovered that Microsoft pay a $20,000 a month retainer to fundie leader Ralph Reed. The precise reason why isn't known, but Aravosis suspects it might explain something:

Now, just think a minute. Microsoft finds itself under criticism from the local evangelical leader, religious right shareholders, bigoted employees and who knows who else. They don't know what to do. Who do they turn to? Well, if I'm in a religious right pickle, I'd turn to my $20,000 a month retainered religious right consultant, the former leader of the religious right, Ralph Reed.

And which side do we think the former head of the religious right would favor were he advising Microsoft what do when trapped between the Scylla and Charybdis of the gays vs. the religious right?

A. Stick to your guns and defend the gays? or
B. Find a way to stiff the gays and move more in line with the religious right?

Well, shiver my timbers, Microsoft ended up going with option B.

The article includes his sources, copies of invoices etc. Equal Rights Washington has issued an open letter to Microsoft urging to break off the relationship.

Isn't this cute?

Microsoft paying Religious Right leader Ralph Reed $20,000 a month retainer - AMERICAblog, 26th April 2005 (via The Sideshow).

While we're bashing Microsoft, here are the latest super-accurate terms used to find the Prattle home page on the MSN search engine.

Bargain of the Day: a quaich

Sometimes it is not the item itself which transforms something into religious tat, but the marketing. Take this perfectly innocent quaich, made by a well-known British manufacturer of pseudo-Celtic nonsense, and sold in tourist shops all over Edinburgh. You see, according to vendor shadownmyst, this is not a commercially-produced version of a traditional Scottish loving cup but a Black High Magic Chalice:

This beautiful chalice is a magical item to be used only in Black High Magick. One should expect to pay well to hold such power in mere mortal hands. This is not an item to be used by novices in the black arts! The chalice is a beautiful, polished pewter cast and purchased through St. Justin's in the United Kingdom.

April 23, 2005

Bargain of the Day: Virgin Mary log

Todays bargain is a very special lump of tree - it's a Virgin Mary image in wood, and comes with its own story. As these images usually require special 'spiritual eyesight' to see, the vendor has helpfully indicated where the alleged image is on the photograph:

[A log with the Virgin Mary on it, allegedly]Last summer (2004) My wife and i had two trees taken out of our back yard.
As i was moving wood, i discovered that some of the big pieces had what appeared to be the Virgin Mary in the center. The pieces were to big for me to move and my wife is not able to help as she is permanently disabled from an injury that happened in 1999. She herniated 3 disks in her neck and damaged 3 in her lower back. She had surgery to fix her neck but they wouldnt operate on her lower back. She can walk (thank god) and she can only lift up to three pounds at any time.

The reason I am listing this on ebay is, we bought our house last year but the sellers never disclosed the fact that the walls were filled with mold from a leak in the roof that the inspector missed. We need to have it fixed as well as get a new roof. This could be our blessing in disguise so i figured why not.

The section of wood weighs about 150 - 200 pounds and whoever would like would probably have to come and get it as i dont think ups or fedx could ship something like that.

April 22, 2005

Amazing search power!

Microsoft has been advertising its new search engine on the telly, promoting its accuracy. Which is why, according to my logs, it has never sent anyone to the Prattle who was actually looking for the sort of thing you find here. Here are a few of today's stunningly accurate hits.

22 Apr, Fri, 15:35:11   http://search.msn.co.uk/results.aspx?q=TITS&FORM=QBRE2
22 Apr, Fri, 16:19:06   http://search.msn.co.uk/results.aspx?q=bukkake&FORM=DNSERR
22 Apr, Fri, 16:22:23   http://search.msn.co.uk/results.aspx?srch=105&FORM=AS5&q=bare+tits
22 Apr, Fri, 16:30:02   http://search.msn.co.uk/results.aspx?srch=105&FORM=AS5&q=TITS
22 Apr, Fri, 18:43:03   http://search.msn.co.uk/results.aspx?q=sick+photographs&FORM=QBRE
22 Apr, Fri, 19:34:42   http://search.msn.co.uk/results.aspx?FORM=MSNTOD&q=tits
22 Apr, Fri, 20:21:19   http://search.msn.co.uk/results.aspx?q=tits&first=21&count=10&FORM=PORE
22 Apr, Fri, 20:25:14   http://search.msn.co.uk/results.aspx?srch=105&FORM=AS5&q=macadamia+nut

I wonder if the lone fundie who has so much influence over Microsoft knows that the company lets people search for evil macadamia nuts?

Bargain of the day: part of dead bird

Does HIS HOLINESS POPE JOHN PAUL II IMAGE ON POPCORN CHICKEN count as a miracle for the purpose of sainthood?

[A blob of dead bird coated in orange stuff]After saying our prayers, prior to enjoying our dinner, my wife served our meal which included popcorn chicken. During the course of our meal, I looked down at my plate and saw clearly the image of his Holiness Pope John Paul II. I called my wife over and she saw the exact same thing as I. Sitting on his throne, the late Pope is seen bent over in prayer or performing a Mass. This is so wonderful to know that he is still with us. And we want to share this gift with the world. This piece of popcorn chicken is guaranteed to be unaltered.

Shipping will be $2.25 anywhere in the U.S.A.

Thank you and God Bless You!

April 21, 2005

As if you needed any more excuses to buy a Mac

United States: Microsoft has withdrawn support for a Washington State bill which would protect gays and lesbians from discrimination in employment, housing, banking, insurance, and other matters by adding sexual orientation to a state law which already bars discrimination on the basis of race, religion, national origin, gender, marital status, and mental or physical handicap after a single loony fundie threatened the company. Microsoft has previously supported equal rights legislation. As John Aravosis of AMERICAblog notes:

The radical right activist reportedly told Microsoft it had better pull its support for the gays or anti-gay bigots would launch a nationwide boycott of Microsoft, and guess what - Microsoft caved. A single anti-gay jerk, and Microsoft chose to reverse over ten years of policy and bash gays.

This is outrageous. It's also incredibly dangerous. For over a decade Microsoft, along with hundreds of other corporate leaders, has endorsed gay rights legislation in the states and nationally. And now, suddenly, because ONE ANTI-GAY ACTIVIST COMPLAINED, they've suddenly changed their minds ON A CIVIL RIGHTS ISSUE. A rather big oops after ten years of being in favor of civil rights, don't you think?

Microsoft clearly isn't proud of caving into threats from lunatics, and seems to have tried to keep it a secret.

Meanwhile, it has been drawn to my attention that the reason many Prattle commenters are unable to tell the difference between copy written by Prattle contributors and quoted material from elsewhere is because Microsoft Internet Explorer does not support current web standards. There is no evidence that this lack of functionality will ever be fixed, and affected readers are advised to get a proper standards-compliant browser (preferably running on a computer and OS which not only works, but comes from a company with a much better record on equality).

TAKE ACTION: Microsoft abandons gays - AMERICAblog, 20th April 2005.

Update: 22nd April 2005: The original article referred to in AMERICAblog is MICROSOFT CAVES ON GAY RIGHTS - Sandeep Kaushik in The Stranger, 21st - 27th April 2005.

Bargain of the day: Cake pan base, partially cleaned

Religious figures have been appearing at random in the houses of those who cannot wash the pots properly and, naturally, it all has something to do with the Pope. This New Pope! Virgin Mary hidden in cake pan is a fine example:

[The Virgin Mary on a cake tin]This is beyond bizarre. While I was washing my dishes this morning April 19 - I noticed the image of a woman's face in the metal work of my pan. It was just a few hours later that the new Pope, Benedict XVI was announced.

As you can see it's an astounding image resembling the Virgin Mary. I am not a religious person, and have no spiritually driven need to keep this pan as anything more than a tool - but I understand the significance of this relic I want it to belong to someone who would value this item as more than a kitchen utensil.

The Pan is 8" in diameter and the image consumes most of the pan. I removed the sides of the pan (it is spring form) so it could be better photographed. The sides will be included with purchase - please note that the sides are bent from being dropped. It is very hard to see the image with the sides on so they weren't used when the pan bottom was photographed.

I am very serious about this auction and understand the significance with the appointing of the new Pope Benedict XVI. Serious bidders only, please - this is not a joke.

Hopefully proceeds will go towards a dishwasher.

April 19, 2005

Tsunami caused by Aliens (again)

The Great Tsunami Conspiracy List continues to grow. The latest addition concerns the shocking discovery that it was not a natural disaster!

Geologists and Physicists are perplexed at some new data analysis of a phenomenon that is well known for many decades. For the first time it is shedding some light on a the fact that many UFO researchers believed for many years -- Extraterrestrial UFOs control the tectonic movements and the resultant earthquakes as well as resulting Tsunamis.

The phenomenon in question is that of "earthquake lights" - strange lights which are sometimes witnessed before major tectonic movements.

There are some beliefs that these earthquake lights are created by earth's electromagnetic flux during such high release of energy during tectonic movements and earthquakes. Researchers now have found that these lights do not occur in all tectonic tremors. The lights are seen only in non-harmonic tremors (signifies non volcanic tremors) and in many cases they are just not there if the length of the tremor period is considerably less.

The new findings point towards artificial electromagnetic flux trying to create or more like prevent large tectonic movements. In many cases the lights point towards a focused concentrated electromagnetic flux application on a specific spot to accelerate or prevent the tectonic movements.

The scientific evidences point towards extraterrestrial UFOs manipulating the tectonic plates through focused application of electromagnetic flux. Eventually in the next fifty to hundred years, some physicists believe that terrestrial technologies will also advance to control earthquakes and Tsunamis in a very similar way.

All perfectly logical.

Evidence of extraterrestrial UFOs controlling tectonic movements, earthquakes and Tsunamis through electromagnetic flux - India Daily, 18th April 2005.

Bampot tags: , .

Very expensive blacksmith

Scotland (alas): The Paisley Development Trust is convinced that a missing horseshoe is responsible for all the town's woes:

Piero Pieraccini, treasurer of the Paisley Development Trust, blamed high rates of violent crime, hardship and natural disasters, including flooding in the town, on the loss of an iron horseshoe which marks the communal grave of six men and women, who were believed to be the devil's disciples.

The band were found guilty of witchcraft in 1697, hanged and publicly burned at the stake before their ashes were buried and the tomb sealed with the horse's stamp.

Without the horseshoe, it is said, the town cannot prevent witches rising from the dead leaving the town at the mercy of their evil spirits.

Their solution is to replace the missing horseshoe with a new one, something which a blacksmit should be able to knock up in a matter of seconds.

Now the trust has applied for a grant for almost £2500 from Renfrewshire Council to recast a brand new stainless steel horseshoe in the hope that it will bring good luck to Paisley.

At that price, they must be getting Wylundt himself to do the job!

Paisley seeks horseshoe to rein in ancient witches' curse - The Herald, 19th April 2005.

Bargain of the Day: A piece of fruit

Today's irresistible auction is for a miracle mystery coconut - help for a special boy:

I ran across this miracle mystery coconut while looking for a coconut for my newphew Miles. Miles is four years old and loves coconuts. Everytime I visit him he wants me to bring a coconut from Florida. Well I have been traveling to see Miles more than usual the past few months. This is because his parents are going through a divorce and Miles has been taken away from his mother in a custody battle. Miles loves his mother and It has been a hard time for him and his two brothers (8 and 10) lately.

The coconut has cross etchings on it and what appears to be the word Jesus. It is still green but ready to be picked soon. The sale of the coconut will help provide clothes and shoes for Miles and his brothers. The father does not provide this for his children, and the mother is looking for a job and hoping to get custody of her kids. Until then they have nothing.

No photo is provided, so you'll just have to take her word for it.

April 15, 2005

A really educational abstinence-only site

AbstinenceOnly hopes to become the number-one ranked site for the keywords "Abstinence", "Abstinence Only" and "Abstinence Education" by providing the latest in abstinence education in a way that's both entertaining and informative. Information like this guide to the Biblcal story of Onan:

...there's nothing in vain about firing your load all over your faith partner's face and tits. The bible specifically admonishes Onan for spilling his seed upon the ground, so as long as your aim is good, you have nothing to worry about.

April 14, 2005

Fleecing for Dummies

Short on cash? Really need a luxury yacht, but don't have the pennies to hand? The solution? Open your own "money church", and get the poor to buy it for you! Just follow this simple tutorial from Bad Gas:

Money churches are the next big thing and the equation is a simple one: find a disused warehouse, school or office in a downtrodden area of London; clear it out and then fill it with chairs and a lectern; open your doors to innocent, God-fearing Africans at strange times of the week; whip them up into a religious frenzy, pass the collection plate around and watch your bank balance grow Thanks Be To God The Lord Saviour Our Reborn King.

A simple list is provided to help you with that all-important corporate identity:

April 11, 2005

Andrea Dworkin is dead

I have nothing nice to say, so will say nothing. Instead, read what Susie Bright and Roz Kaveney have to say on the matter. You might be surprised.

Feminist icon Andrea Dworkin dies - The Guardian, 11th April 2005.

Teachers told to lie to children

England: New guidelines for religious education in Norfolk schools urge teachers to avoid telling the truth about religious belief and practice, or using the terms those religions use.

The education authority thinks that the traditional phrase 'Holy Ghost' implies a trivial and spooky concept of the third person in the Trinity. Instead it urges teachers to refer to the 'Holy Spirit'. The guidelines also say that the first 39 books of the Bible should not be called 'the Old Testament' because it makes them sound old-fashioned or out of date.

Dismissing centuries of Catholic belief, the guidelines go on to state that Communion bread and wine should not be referred to as 'the body of Jesus' or 'the blood of Jesus' because it suggests a cannibalistic consumption of human flesh.

As Cheryl Morgan said in e-mail earlier today, I rather liked the bit about them rejecting transubstantiation because it was cannibalistic. Finally, after 2000 years, someone has noticed? But what of non-Christian faiths? It seems teachers have to pretend that there is no such thing as a religious extremists, regardless of what children see on the news most days. Or that religion is anything other than fluffy-bunny sweetness and light.

The list of dos and don'ts in the Norfolk agreed syllabus for religious education urges teachers to avoid equating Islam with terrorism and violence by showing children photographs of Muslims holding swords or kalashnikovs.

They should not refer to Jerusalem's Wailing Wall in lessons because it implies that Jewish prayer is negative and moaning. Care is also being urged in the use of photographs of Hindu holy men who may be emaciated and caked in mud in case it gives the impression that Hinduism is for weirdos or masochists.

And Pagans don't dance around in their bare scuddies, either. Presumably the real reason for not telling children the truth about religion is that they'd quickly realise how stupid it is.

Norfolk schools told Holy Ghost 'too spooky' - The Guardian, 11th April 2005.

April 10, 2005

Bargain of the Day: Buddha nut

Appearing in strange places is a game which is not limited to Christian figures, although they don't seem taken quite as seriously when they do. Take this Macadamia Nut Buddha Face:

[Buddha, on a nut]I've been holding onto this for 6 years now because it's such a great conversation piece! I was working at a candy store in northern Wisconsin, cleaning up the fudge counter, just about to throw out the scrapings from the Macadmia Nut Fudge, when this little nut rolled over and I said WOW- it looks like Buddha! I then proceeded to show all the customers for the rest of the day and kept it in a special box from then on! Now, I'm not a religious fanatic, I don't claim this is some strange sign from Buddha or anything like that, I just think it's a fun little collectable to show off- if you want to interpert it some other way, go ahead. I've just shown everyone by now and am ready to pass it on to someone else :) He's still in good condition, a little sticky *it is a 7 year old macadamia nut!*, and a small crack along the back of it- not affecting the face at all! The pictures show very well what he looks like. Happy bidding :)

April 9, 2005

Bargain of the Day: Pope Simulacrum!

After much searching, I finally have my Pope simulacrum. What's more, it's not just the late Pope - it's Jesus!! The Pope! Praying Hands! On this Holy Rock!. And the vendor really wants you to know about it, at length and in technicolour!

[A rock with the Pope on it (somewhere)] OH-MY-GOODNESS EBAYNIANS!!! THE IMAGE OF JESUS CHRIST!, THE POPE! AND THE SHAPE OF PRAYING HANDS ON THIS HOLY ROCK OF GOD!!!! AND IT ALSO HAS A GREAT SOURCE OF ENERGY SOURCE OF FORCE POWER FLOWING FROM WITHIN IT!!! On the 1st photo of this you'll see the image of Jesus Christ!!! It's at the upper top of the Rock!! The Pointed area of The Rock!! As they say, Jesus "Is" The Rock!!! And the Pope is at the center of Jesus Christ, with his head towards Jesus's left shoulder. The Pope is kneeling in prayer with his hands up to his face. But Jesus Is All the energy that many need, right? I say "Many", because I do like to give respect to "All Forms Of Religions"...Some believe and some don't....that's how religion and such goes, But I'm moreso Spiritual than Religious, but I do also believe in what's said of Jesus Christ and such......but my beliefs go really deep in spirituality...... So, what you see?, Is Jesus The Rock!!!? Or On The Rock!? Pope John Paul!? Do you also see the Praying Hands!!? Place your hands together as in the position of prayer, to put your hands close to the photo of The Holy Rock, now tell me what you see!!! Are you feeling it!!?? I speak the truth and lie "Not!", as I held this Holy Rock which is also shaped like Praying Hands, in the palms of both my hands, I began to feel a strange kind of energy source from it that flowed through both my arms! The great blast of energy that I felt from this rock, rocked me and it sent a great rush through me all over. I found myself just rubbing this "Holy Rock" between my palms! The rush of energy that I felt made me want to set the Holy Rock" down and start clapping my hands as hard as I can! I felt like punching a punching bag if I had one!!! I felt like throwing my arms up high in the air and just shaking them!!! I felt like running!!! I felt like Soaring!!!! I felt so many things!!! I felt really energetic! And as I type this, I'm feeling that feeling and I'm not even holding the rock, for it's over there laying upon my bed, but even from there I'm feeling the energy!!! It's hard for me to explain in words!!! Some may ask, well "MysticSpirit" if you're feeling all of that, then why do you wish to sell the "Holy Rock Of Christ, with the image of The Pope, and the shape of praying hands? Well, my answer to that is..... With the great source and flow of energy force of power that I'm feeling from this rock, I don't want to seem selfish! I want another to feel what I'm feeling!!! I want to share this feeling!!! I want to Play It Forward!!!... How many of you are sitting back remembering the time when you last felt such a great rush of flow of energy!? How many of you wish that you could feel such a feeling once again!? Well that time has come around for you again, and the feeling is *Solid*!....."Solid As A Rock!!" I don't know how the feeling will shoot through you, but it shot through me with a great force of power that's out of this world! I'm feeling it from head to toe!!! And to all of the "Smart Addicts Out There In Ebay Land".....No, I'm "Not" on drugs(never done such as that in my life). "What I'm feeling from this "Holy Rock"(What I call it, by how it looks)..Is "ALL NATURAL!!" 100% PURE HOLY ROCK ENERGY!!! Maybe even some of you can even feel a touch of this energy by just looking at this "Holy Rock!" Well I don't want to be the only one sharing of this feeling, I want someone else to feel this feeling!!! Well, now that I've told you what I have been feeling, it's now up to you on rather you want to feel it too!!!! "And if you do......It's now Up To You!!!!" **Good Luck**

****Note: This Holy Rock Of Christ, with image of The Pope, Praying Hands, Is 3 and a half inches long, and almost 2 inches wide(Almost, depending what area it's measured from, from side to side.

The most important image that I see on the 1st rock on the main gallery page is of Jesus Christ.....This rock is also shaped like the praying hands... Look closely at the top of the rock, can you see what looks like the "FACE OF JESUS!!!"...WITH VERY LONG HAIR!! As well as Pope John Paul!! Even your hands folded in the prayer position looks pretty much identical to the Holy Rock!!! My Fellow Ebaynians! Don't miss out on this one!!! This one is the God's Truth!! This Rock was not formed!!! It was found on the ground just as it is many years ago!!(not sure the exact year, but long ago!) And seeing that this Holy Rock Of God was found as it was, there's not another one like it!!! So you will be the only one that has it!!! For your collection!! Or God's Gift to another! MAKE SURE "YOU" COME OUT THE VICTORIOUS ONE MY FELLOW EBAYNIAN/S!!! DON'T LET ANOTHER EBAYNIAN PUSH YOU OUT OF THE BIDDING!!! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY MAKE SURE IT BECOMES YOURS!!!! AND MAY THIS HOLY ROCK OF GOD BRING MANY BLESSINGS TO YOU AND YOURS!!!!!!! HAPPY BIDDING!!!!!!!! **PEACE BE UNTO YOU!**

I was told that the rock once belonged to a very nice religious older woman.. That the Holy Energy Rock was first picked up in the Upper Area of Michigan somewhere many years ago.....and that the older lady liked the rock so much(Or maybe the rock was calling to her and she didn't know it!!)...that she picked it up and took it home and placed it in her Tropical Fish Aquarium.....then her older son got it from her with the aquarium and contents of the aquarium that his mom gave to him...... And that just excited me even more, for in the aquarium are..."Fish!!!" What do they say of Jesus and his Apostles??? How they fished and such as that... How Jesus Fed them with just a small amount of fish! And I think bread or such!! How do that story go? Any of you Ebaynians know how it rightfully went? If you do, can you give a bit of feedback on how it was worded.........THIS HOLY ROCK IS PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!

Hello Ebaynians!!! And many blessings to you all in Ebaynia!!! Hey, I was just thinking of how this Holy Rock has been around for so long, with first my friends mom, and then on to my friend.....but none of them seem to see the greatness of the Holy Rock! They knew that they loved this rock, but didn't know fully why......they just somehow saw it as being very unique, and that's why she somehow felt the urge to pick it up and bring it home! Sometimes we don't know fully why we may do a thing, but when the time is right, it's then revealed to us why we were so drawn to this thing....... Even when I first saw this rock I was drawn to it! But I too at the time didn't know why fully..... I thought that it had a nice smoothness to it...... One side of it being a greyish like color with a bit of brown, and the other side being mostly a dark brownish color... This Holy Rock is so full of tons of energy, and I can't help from touching it from time to time!! Then more energy seems to shoot right through me!!! You can pass it on to another!! Let them also touch of the Holy Rock Of Christ!! Surely it would touch everyone who touches it, holds it... And bless them in some way or another!! Even healing them if that's what the Holy Rock wishes to do!!! This is indeed a Precious Spiritual Rock!!! And there's none other same as it!!!

Hi again dear Ebaynians!! I added the other photo that I promised ya! It's the other side of the Holy Rock(3rd photo)....it's a dark smooth brownlike color....with great unique textures!!I have been feeling the great warmth and energy coming from the Holy Rock! You should too!! I love the uniqueness of rocks and other great God Givened Items of nature.... I'm always amazed and over joyed by the many designs, images and such that appear on, or are naturally an these items of nature.... Any feedback on rather any of you have also seen the images which are upon the Holy Rock? Take care.......don't wait too late to bid!! If you too see the uniqueness and great Holy images that are upon this Holy Rock, and wish to make it yours, don't be out bidded by another! Make it yours for keeps!

Goodnight my dearest Ebaynians! May the Forces Be With You All!!!!!
I'm a messenger spiritually,and have been for many years. THIS HOLY ROCK AND ALL THAT ARE SHOWN UPON IT IS 100% REAL AND SHOWN FROM ABOVE! YOU CAN HAVE THIS HOLY ROCK CHECKED OUT, IT'S ORIGINAL!! IT HAS "NOT" BEEN FORMED BY ME NOR ANOTHER, IT'S FORMED FROM THE GREAT SPIRITUAL FORCES OF GOD ABOVE!!! I SPEAK THE TRUTH AND LIE NOT!!! IT'S A GIFT TO ME FROM THE FORCES THAT BE, TO BE SHOWN AND OFFERD TO THEE!!!

If this Holy Rock becomes "yours" you must cherish it, and keep it safe!!! You can place it in your home, and recieve of it's great blessings. You can "pray with it", you can take it with you as you go to and fro(but keep it safe!!) You can place it in the room of the sick, in rest and peace(In which ever way God so chooses this to be)... You can place it in the room of your love one/s for great spiritual blessing and protection! You can place it within your special garden, that's ok, for it's a Holy Rock, it can take the heat and much more of the forces of nature, but just keep it safe. There's no other Holy Rock like this one! It can never be replaced!! So start you bid, don't be out bidded, and this Holiest Rock of All Rocks can be yours from the powers that be!! Tell me, "WHAT DOES A "FAKE" CHEESE SANDWICH HAVE OVER THE TRUE HOLY ROCK OF GOD!!? "GOLDEN PALACE?" "ANYONE?" WHAT DOES THAT HAVE OVER WHAT'S REAL, WHAT'S SHOWN, WHAT'S GIVEN FROM ABOVE IN SIGNS AND IMAGES!? MIND YOU, THIS HOLY ROCK IS PRICELESS, THERE CAN NEVER BE TOO MUCH PAID FOR THIS ONE AND ONLY HOLY ROCK!! PLACE THY BID UPON THIS SOLID ROCK AND HAVE THE BEST ITEM OFFERED IN EBAY HISTORY!!! MAY THE WINNING BID AND BLESSINGS BE PLACE FROM THEE!!! Peace Be Upon Thee!!

If you can see it, let me know.

Pope - Bush is the Antichrist.

Vatican City - Avedon Carol has dug out an old story, which has some bearing on one of our old stories -- it seems the late Pope John Paul II feared that George W. Bush was the Antichrist.

According to freelance journalist Wayne Madsden, George W Bush's blood lust, his repeated commitment to Christian beliefs and his constant references to 'evil doers,' in the eyes of many devout Catholic leaders, bear all the hallmarks of the one warned about in the Book of Revelations--the anti-Christ.

Madsen, a Washington-based writer and columnist, who often writes for Counterpunch, says that people close to the pope claim that amid these concerns, the pontiff wishes he was younger and in better health to confront the possibility that Bush may represent the person prophesized in Revelations. John Paul II has always believed the world was on the precipice of the final confrontation between Good and Evil as foretold in the New Testament.

The Pope did not agree that Harry Potter is evil, though.

Pope fears Bush is antichrist, journalist contends - Catholic New Times, May 18, 2003 .

The Party of Moderate Progress within the Bounds of the Law goes radical

United States: Jon Carroll, of the San Francisco Chronicle, has received a mysterious message via an anonymous spam remailer, purporting to be from a shadowy organisation called the Unitarian Jihad. It makes extremely undisturbing reading:

Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!

And how does this Jihad plan to implement its unterrifying aims?

Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for balance by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require people to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love suggested that we institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but her motion was not formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.) We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all stripes will be required to read Proust out loud in prisons.

Jon Carroll - San Francisco Chronicle, 8th April 2005 (via various LiveJournals).

April 8, 2005

Bargain of the Day: one spoon, slightly soiled

Today's bargain is the victim of misidentification. Described as spoon with h20 mark shape of a cross/week Pope passed, remarkable claims are made for this strange object:

[A spoon]Normal serving spoon came out of the dishwasher the day Pope John Paul II passed away with a water mark resembling the holy cross.

On Apr-08-05 at 04:05:10 PDT, seller added the following information:

Portions of proceeds will be donated to a Catholic Charity.

Now, to me, that looks more like the Japanese kanji [ketsu], which means hole or cavity. Of course, it could still be read as topical by the desperately pious, as the character forms one half of 墓穴 [boketsu], which means 'grave'. Now, don't go complaining that the Prattle isn't educational!

April 7, 2005

Temperance is a Pagan thing

United States: A photograph of a short-lived statue caused a stushie in Roseburg, Oregon. The picture is included in an exhibition celebrating the acheivements of local women, but it seems that some local fundies were upset because it used the image of an ancient Greek goddess to promote temperance.

The inclusion of another figure in the exhibit, though, has caused some controversy in recent months. Hebe, the Greek goddess of youth, was included because she is a part of Roseburg's history.

A drinking fountain bearing her image was constructed in the early 1900s and installed on the corner of Cass Avenue and Main Street in Roseburg. The fountain was destroyed in 1912 by a runaway wagon.

McLaughlin said Hebe's original purpose was to encourage people to drink water over alcohol. However, some people are against her because she is perceived as a pagan symbol. Because of the public outcry, the Douglas County Commissioners originally vetoed her inclusion in the exhibit. They later reversed their decision.

Hebe has always been cloaked in controversy, McLaughlin said. She has always made people think. How exciting is that, to get people to talk to one another and think?

The article does not mention whether the driver of the wagon was drunk.

Women, Hebe in spotlight at museum -The News-Review, 7th April 2005.

Bargain of the Day: a jar of water

Close but no banana, today's bargain isn't a miracle image of the late Pope, but a related phenomemon - a jar containing the Tears of the Pope.

[A jar of saline]Over the past few years my health has been less than optimal to say the least. I haven't had the money or the insurance to fully treat myself. I have been praying day and night for an answer. A few days ago sometime after the Pope's passing he appeared to me. I said to him I was sorry and I wept for his passing. He told me not to cry any tears for him because he is not in pain anymore. The only pain he feels is for us. He told me he was aware of my pain and that he cries for all of us. Since then a jar I use for holy water has been filling up slowly drip by drip. I live in a dry climate and jar has been closed. My only explanation is that these are the tears of our passed beloved Pope John Paul II.

I do not wish to make money in this way, but I fear this condition may not improve because I am not rich and cannot afford what I need to treat my condition. I only wish to treat my condition and have no use or want for any other money. I trust God will only give me what I need. I feel that this is God answering my prayers and he has a plan for me even I do not make the money for my treatment. Praise our Lord!! Thanks be to God!!

Not the Bargain of the Day: Pope simulacrumb.

I thought I'd found it - Pope on a cookie??! It's a miracle!!, then I looked at the picture.

[Pope on a biscuit]So.... I was walking along a downtown path and tripped over this homeless guy. Out of his knapsack on a stick rolled out this AMAZING cookie with an image of the late pope on it. I was totally breath taken at this wonderful find! It was if the cookie was calling out to me. I just had to know how the old man came across such an amazing cookie. The old man started telling me the story of the cookie, but he was too intoxicated and I couldn't understand his babbling. He said if I allowed him to work for food, I could take the cookie home. I was planning on keeping it for myself, but it just looks too tasty and I'm afraid I will eat the pope. It has been tormenting me ever since and I just need someone to take this cookie off my hands.

The cookie does speak to me in my sleep. It constantly says, eat me, EAT ME but I just know it would be wrong. You just simply cannot eat such a miracle! I try to shut the voice of the cookie out of my mind, but it can also speak telepathically. I don't even see the cookies lips move! AMAZING!

The cookie appears to be of a chocolate chip variety. I don't know how delicious it is.....yet. If someone doesn't take this off my hands soon, its fate is to my belly.

PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME!!!

Pope born again.

Colombia: Pope John Paul II has risen from that dead as The Incredible Popeman!

Like any self-respecting superhero, the Incredible Popeman has a battery of special equipment. Along with his yellow [anti-devil] cape and green chastity pants, the muscular super-pontiff wields a faith staff with a cross on top and carries holy water and communion wine.

In the comic book, the pope dies and is reborn with superpowers beyond the infallibility Catholic doctrine gave him on Earth.

Pope reborn as superhero in Colombian comic -AZ Central, 6th April 2005 (thank you, Rick).

April 5, 2005

Wedding celebrations mistaken for alien invasion

England: Police and Stansted Airport received a number of worried calls after a couple launched around 70 Thai lanterns to celebrate their wedding.

But the release of some 60 to 70 illuminated Thai lanterns into the night sky over Leez Priory, near Felsted, sparked fears that aliens were on their way...

...A police spokesman said that one caller reported a large amount of red lights in batches of five or six lights over Bannister Green on the evening of Monday, March 21.

Other callers contacted Stansted Airport concerned that extra-terrestrial activity was about to land.

The situation was eventually resolved when the airport's control tower identified the source of the strange lights.

Wedding lanterns spark UFO scare - Epping Forest Guardian, 3rd April 2005.

Sue's Way

Sometimes you send out a book for review, and the reviewer doesn't like it. A decent reviewer will explain what it was they didn't like the about a book. An honourable silence is considered to be the best way an author or publisher can deal with a poor review. Unless you are a small Christian press specialising in evangelical fiction, of course.

Steph, of Steph's Book Reviews, didn't like Leah's Way by Richard Borthelo. Helpfully, she lists some of the things she didn't like about the book:

There are many ways in which a book can be bad, you see: it can be poorly written, with clunky prose and bad pacing; it can be dragged down by uninteresting or badly rendered characters; it can be heavy-handed proselytizing dressed up as fiction. Sometimes, it can be all of these, and more. That's when you get a book like Leah's Way...

...As is common in Christian fiction, the dialogue is painfully awkward, the characters breaking the fourth wall to directly address the reader with long, tearfully earnest soliloquies about their struggles as Christians and their attempts to love God. The pacing is poor, skipping huge chunks of time and devoting too many pages to unimportant scenes in its rush to tell the story of Leah's entire life. And, because this is ultimately religious propaganda, the climactic ending is an absurdly saccharine chat between Leah and her God, affirming their undying love for one another even as she coughs chunks of lung upon a park bench.

Sue Eccleston of publisher Windstream Press was not amused, and chose not the path of honour. She mailed Steph, to demonstrate her Christian values of tolerance, peace, and forgiveness, and eventually lost it completely:

Bargain of the Day: a ticket stub

Still no Pope simulcra, but Jesus is showing up in some strange places. Look at this Face of Jesus Christ on a Constantine movie ticket!

[A bit of paper]I want to be totally honest. I had this ticket for weeks, but I just recently noticed this. I consider myself a movie buff. I go to the movies alot. As a hobby, I also collect my movie stubs. Well, I was floored when I noticed this!!! At first I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. But the more I look at it, the more relevant it seems. If you focus on this movie ticket, you can see the face of our lord and savior Jesus Christ himself!!! The ACTUAL ticket is even more convincing than the photocopy you see here!

When I discovered the image, I scanned it into my computer. What you see here is a copy of the original ticket, then how I took the time to enhance the ticket copy to make it even more visible... I used Photoshop to draw out the background images as you can see. Then I made an outline of Christ's face so you can better visualize his aura.

I find it also fitting that this image would appear on a "Constantine" movie ticket stub. Anyone who has seen the movie knows that it deals heavily with the Christian religion.

You may be wondering why I would want to sell this ticket. Well, I believe this ticket is like the bible and should be shared. I am only asking for money because I feel someone who is willing to pay for it, has the faith to treat it with respect. This is a great spiritual gift and a definite conversation piece. GOD bless you all.

Note: If the picture of the ticket doesn't appear here, see it @ http://www.ade.0catch.com/faceofjesus.jpg

Note: I put a black bar on the picture to block out the theatre name because I don't want that theatre to be harrassed

P.S. All proceeds from this auction will go to a good cause

Except, of course, his faith led him to host his images on a site which doesn't allow you to link to it from eBay, or anywhere.

Harry Potter is evil and Bush is the antichrist

Red Wolf commented:

If you ran a combined post citing Harry Potter as evil and Bush as the anti-Christ, would fundie heads explode?

So, in the true spirit of scientific enquiry, let's just say Harry Potter is evil and George W. Bush is the antichrist and see what happens.

April 4, 2005

Bargain of the Day: Holy neep

My efforts to find a Pope simulacrum for sale on eBay have yet to bear fruit, but I did find this petrified jesus Turnip, his face is clearly visible!:

[A dessicated turnip]Our tottam of Jesus started out as a simple turnip purchased for lunch one day. It was forgotten and after a few weeks it was almost all dried out. With some divine inspiration it's owner pushed his fingers in the turnip in a few places and left it out to finish drying, As you can plainly see this Petrified turnip bears the face of jesus! We have showed this to our friends and family and they are amazed! we Call it our little jesus veggi This good luck symbol can be carried with you anywhere you go as a measure of comfort! this ranks right at the top of amazing phanominon!

Note the above example of Christian English.

About this Archive

This page is an archive of recent entries written by Feòrag in April 2005.

Feòrag: March 2005 is the previous archive.

Feòrag: May 2005 is the next archive.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.

Resources

About this site
Contact the Prattle
Ego Corner

The Pagan Prattle
c/o P.O. Box 666
Edinburgh EH7 5YW
Scotland

Syndication

Licence

Creative Commons License
The original material in this weblog is licensed under a Creative Commons License.