Red Wolf: April 2004 Archives

April 30, 2004

My Invisible Friend's Better Than Your Invisible Friend

United States: Jimmy Breslin ponders that more people don't find Bush's avowal of conversations with his invisible friend a sign of madness. He has his own chat with an invisible friend to clear things up.

For a year now, our temporal authorities have tried to keep all signs of war dead out of our sight. Act like nobody dies. God is on our side and none of us die. Suddenly, pictures of many coffins with flags on them were published. The country reeled. The president's people said this was a terrible thing, using dead bodies to let the country see that the war is real. God is on our side. You cannot show pictures of the new dead. One of their cheap yes-men, publisher Rupert Murdoch, did not print the picture in his New York Post newspaper, nor allow it on his Fox television network. Thus committing the one most blatant fraud we have had in decades of news in America. Deny it if you can.
All this comes out of a religious crisis in this nation. We have a president who says he talks to God. When he was asked if he had gone to his father to discuss starting the invasion in Iraq, George Bush said, no, I talked to a higher father. What he was saying is that God personally told him it was all right to send our soldiers into Iraq and start the War of the Children.
I can't believe that Bush is so dumb that he thinks he actually talks to God.

April 28, 2004

A Priest, A Nun, A Satanic Ritual, Sex And Murder: Perfect Tabloid Fodder

United States: It's funny how Americans seem quick to point the finger at the old Satanic ritual, perhaps they still need to believe in a reason for murder and stark, raving loony hasn't yet entered the local lexicon.

Depending on whom you believe, Gerald Robinson is either a quiet, somewhat remote, balding cleric who has faithfully served the Catholic Church for the past 40 years, or a sexual pervert and participant in bizarre Satanic rituals who killed a 71-year-old nun and covered up the crime.

April 24, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Ark of the Covenant

United States: Okay, so at US$10,000,000 it's no one's idea of a bargain and blindingly obvious a case of the seller playing silly buggers, but it's worth a look for the text alone:

This is a recreated Ark of the Covenant, the story of its recreation has been told in the Bonners Ferry Herald, 7183 main, Bonners ferry, Idaho 83805 208-267-5521. It must be noted that this recreated Ark of the Covenant is doing every thing just like the original did 3500 years ago.

Ark of the Covenant - eBay, 18th April 2004 (via Darren Barefoot).

Pope Peeved With Kerry

United States: John Kerry has decided to make a stand with the majority on women's rights rather than the moronic loud-mouth minority and it seems to have caught the boys in the frocks a bit off-side.

Democratic candidate John Kerry said Friday a woman's right to abortion is a major part of his campaign for president, ignoring a prominent Vatican official's call for denying Communion to Catholic politicians who support abortion rights.
I believe that in the year 2004 we deserve a president who understands that a stronger America is where women's rights are just that, rights, not political weapons to be used by politicians of this nation, Kerry said during a rally he had scheduled with women's rights groups.

April 23, 2004

Cult Central Campus

United States: The Independent have run an interesting article on cult central, otherwise known as Patrick Henry College. There are some serious brain donors loose on the campus.

On a tour of the campus, we bumped into a bright young man called Jordan Estrada, from Pennsylvania. Estrada, 18, carried a book entitled Systematic Theology. He had played the part of Creon in Sophocles' Greek tragedy Antigone when it was performed recently by the drama team. He said he was interested in science fiction and wanted to be a writer.
Why had he wanted to study at Patrick Henry? A lot of what they teach in public schools is not based in reality. I am a believer in creation, he says. Did that belief lead to a conflict with his pursuit of science? None whatsoever. I have discussed this and spoken to many scientists and I found that there is no contradiction.

April 19, 2004

Demons Turn Out To Be Stupid Woman With A Knife

Italy: An update on the demon infestation at Canneto di Caronia from James Randi. As expected, from the loony fundie contingent:

The Catholic Church's local exorcist arrived, and — not to anyone's surprise — immediately announced that Satan was at work. I've seen things like this before. Demons occupy a house and appear in electrical goods, he said, urging the parish priest to take action. But the local priest, wiser than the exorcist, in my opinion, decided to let the scientists have a first try at solving the puzzle.

April 18, 2004

Questioning Catholic Logic

United States: Aloysius takes to the Catholic trinity with a mathematicians mind. This also explains why I failed religion in high school.

Suppose that the triune God of Catholicism exists. Then God is both three beings (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) and one being (God). Therefore three equals one. Therefore, two equals zero.
Therefore, you have no legs, and any that you may believe yourself to be walking about on are merely the products of a deranged imagination.

My failing had more to do with my questioning of everything, but declaring the concept of the Catholic trinity as utter illogical bollocks to a religion teacher, certainly didn't help.

Arithmetic of the Trinity - HogBlog, 17th April 2004.

April 17, 2004

An Eye For An Eye

United States: No doubt thinking he was taking the law into his own hands, a man accused of killing his family seemed to think that removing his own eye would be fair compensation.

Andre Thomas, the Sherman man accused of killing his wife, son and his wife's young daughter a week ago, quoted a Bible scripture Friday night after he apparently used his hands to pull out his own right eye.
Grayson County Sheriff Keith Gary said Thomas was in a jail cell directly across from the book-in station when he turned his back on the jail staff. Gary said the staff heard a scream, and then Thomas turned around with his eyeball in his hand.

Suspect pulls out own eye - Herald Democrat, 7th April 2004 (via Die Puny Humans).

Tearing Down The Passion

United States: Mark Morford takes great delight in tearing apart Mel's bizarre ultraviolent blood-drenched revisionist flick; The Passion of the Christ.

Perhaps you, like so many across the planet, are more than a bit baffled by the runaway success of The Passion of the Christ.
Perhaps you, furthermore, are more than slightly disturbed that millions have flocked to this bizarre ultraviolent blood-drenched revisionist flick and that so many actually believe its story to be absolutely true, and that it just surpassed The Return of the King in total box office and is the No. 8 most successful film of all time and it was No. 1 again across BushCo's flyover states during Easter weekend and has sold 650,000 books and 125,000 creepy pewter nail necklaces [BugMeNot] and you find it all just incredibly warped and disheartening and what the hell is the world coming to.
You are not alone.

April 13, 2004

I am God, Now Shut Up and Kill Your Sister

United States: Sometimes, people's beliefs in their invisible friend moves from the badgering of complete strangers onto the less socially acceptable obssession of forming their own cult. Marcus didn't believe in enticing the gullible into his little power trip, he favoured the time honoured tradition of using his family instead. And now several of them are a little dead.

A man accused of murdering nine of his children told them that he was God and ordered the older ones to kill the younger ones and then commit suicide, a Californian court was told.
Marcus Wesson, 57, is said to have sexually molested his daughters and inflicted week-long spankings on them if they broke rules such as not talking to men from outside the family.

The True Meaning of Easter

United States: Aloysius once again casts and amusing and enlightening look at traditional stories.

As the last minutes of this most blessed holiday leak slowly like marmalade through the cracks in the aged jar of Time, let us pause and remember that Easter is not just a time of chocolate, but a deeply spiritual occasion.
Do you know the story of Easter, boys and girls? No? Then listen...

Atheist Punished For Stance on Separation of Church and State

United States: A high school student, in a broadcasting TV assignment sent through the school, said the pledge of allegiance. Being an atheist, he left out our two most favourite words... and was severely punished.

A Spanaway Lake High School senior has been banned from TV production assignments for the rest of the year because he altered the Pledge of Allegiance during a student-produced broadcast.
The student, Kenny Hess, removed the words under God from the pledge, which is shown with an American flag background on classroom TV throughout the school. Hess also declined to recite the phrase and, instead read, one nation ... indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
School officials said they've punished Hess for misusing school equipment to deliver a personal message.
He made a poor choice, said Mark Wenzel, Bethel School District spokesman.

April 12, 2004

Mormons Still Rewriting History

United States: A while back we reported on the Mormons fixation with changing history by baptising the dead, the practice got up the noses of more than a few people and the LDS got a rap over the knuckles and promised not to do it again.

As we all know we promise not to do it again and we promise not to get caught doing it again are two entirely different animals.

In 1995, the Mormon church acceded to demands by Jewish leaders that the denomination stop posthumously baptizing Jews. But Helen Radkey, a Salt Lake City researcher, said on Friday that the process still hasn't ended.
She said she has found posthumous baptism records for 268 Dutch Jews killed in Polish concentration camps, which she described as a small sampling. All the death camp victims, incorrectly listed in the Mormon database as dying in Auschwitz, Germany, were posthumously baptized well after the 1995 agreement.


Australia: You play around with brain imaging equipment to try and figure out how the brain works and you're innundated with advertising companies. There's a group in the US using the technology to peek inside to heads of religious extremists.

Seasonal Peep Show

United States: Enjoy this online gallery of Easter-themed diorama art created with Marshmallow Peeps.

What are Peeps? The Washington Post says they're the chick-and-bunny-shaped marshmallow treats that have become America's best-loved harbingers of the season. In reality, they're sickeningly sweet glop that small children love and that, thankfully, haven't taken off in the land of the Prattle satellite office.

In homage to The Passion of the Christ, is the lovingly crafted The Passion of the Peeps.

Another religious entry could be described as Memorable Moments in Marshmallow Martyrdom. Created by two Catholic school girls, it depicted four saint scenes, including John the Baptist beheaded, Joan of Arc being burned at the stake, St. Peter crucified upside down on Pop-sicle sticks and St. Stephen being stoned to death by jelly beans.

Peep Show - Pioneer Press, 10th April 2004 (via Boing Boing Blog).

April 10, 2004

Canneto di Caronia's Pesky Demon Infestation

Italy: Rather than looking for the real cause of a series of electrical problems, the media are quick the round up a handful of superstitious locals who will happily blame spontaneous combustion or demonic attack for a nice sound bite. No doubt the rest of the population are cringing in embarrassment that the village idiot has dragged everyone down to his level.

A Sicilian town is struggling to work out why dozens of household items from fridge-freezers to furniture keep mysteriously bursting into flame, terrifying locals and sparking theories of demonic intervention.
Since mid-January dozens of electrical goods and pieces of furniture have spontaneously gone up in flames, causing huge damage in Canneto di Caronia, a small town perched on the Mediterranean island's rocky coast.

Madonna Can't Please Everybody

Ireland: You schedule a concert on a Sunday and you're blamed for everything from disregarding the state religion to being in league with a Jewish conspiracy. There's a nice line in tin foil beanies available to block out the government's mind control rays that should take care of this complaint.

Pop diva Madonna has come under fire from Christians in Ireland after it was confirmed she would play her first ever Irish concert on a Sunday.
Madonna is due to play Slane Castle, 30 miles (50 km) north of Dublin, on Sunday, August 29, the castle's owner Lord Henry Mount Charles confirmed.
He denied that Madonna, who has developed an interest in Jewish mysticism recently, had refused to play on Saturday because it is the Jewish Sabbath.
It is the only date and day feasible, he said on Friday.

No Foot Fondling For You, Young Lady

United States: Atlanta's head man in the silly hat has managed to get half his parishioners offside by declaring the Holy Thursday foot-washing ritual a boys club only activity.

About 100 men and women gathered outside Atlanta's Roman Catholic cathedral Thursday to protest the archbishop's exclusion of women from the Holy Thursday foot-washing ritual.
Contrary to the order from Archbishop John Donoghue, the protesters said the rite should include everyone. Donoghue did not address the protest during Mass Thursday night. He and his staff have refused to comment on the issue.

April 9, 2004

Church Cashing in on Violent Film

Australia: The bigoted and obnoxious George Pell, who only ended up as Sydney's Archbishop because Melbourne wanted shot of the bastard, is waxing lyrical about Gibson's vanity pic luring people back to the church.

Why Are They Whipping the Easter Bunny, Mummy?

United States: It's no big surprise that loony fundies tend to be out of touch with the community, but a church in Pennsylvania found itself to be out of touch with its congregation when their Easter play combined The Passion of the Christ with the Easter bunny.

A church in western Pennsylvania trying to teach about the crucifixion of Jesus performed an Easter show with actors whipping the Easter bunny and breaking eggs, upsetting several parents and young children.
People who attended Saturday's performance at Glassport's memorial stadium quoted performers as saying, There is no Easter bunny, and described the show as being a demonstration of how Jesus was crucified.
Melissa Salzmann, who brought her 4-year-old son J.T., said the program was inappropriate for young children. He was crying and asking me why the bunny was being whipped, Salzmann said.

April 8, 2004

Catholics Losing Out to Muslims

Rwanda: The locals took a dim view to the part played by priests and nuns during the massacres in Rwanda and are eagerly converting to Islam.

When 800,000 of their countrymen were killed in massacres that began 10 years ago this week, many Rwandans lost faith not only in their government but in their religion as well. Today, in what is still a predominantly Catholic country, Islam is the fastest growing religion.
Roman Catholicism has been the dominant faith in Rwanda for more than a century. But many people, disgusted by the role that some priests and nuns played in the killing frenzy, have shunned organized religion altogether, and many more have turned to Islam.

Brainwashing From the Comfort Of Your Own Home

United States: What do the loony fundie creationists do with their sprogs when their attempt to pervert the educational system fail? They homeschool their offspring to carefully mould them into bigoted wankers, just like Mummy and Daddy.

Homeschooling gives parents the opportunity to transmit values and political beliefs to their children to a degree that public schools generally cannot. Class schedules for homeschoolers are also more flexible, allowing time for students and parents to volunteer for political and social causes.
Until recently, most homeschool families' biggest lobbying efforts were expended on preserving their right to homeschool.
But as the movement has matured, one group has branched out into a more overtly political mission: urging evangelical Christian homeschoolers to volunteer for conservative causes and serve in political campaigns.

April 6, 2004

A Christian Lady's Guide to the Disgusting Marital Obligation of Biannual Fellatio

United States: Send yourself wafting off serenely to sleep with First Lady Laura Pickles Bush's tips on fellating your Christian husband.

As Christians, we so often get caught up in talking about the sanctity of everyone else's marriages, that we clear forget to pay attention to our own! Republicans all agree that the best way to stop sex is simply to say, "shhhhh!" when young folks start to talk about their naughty places! And traditionally no one has more eagerly embraced the notion of abstinence than Christian housewives when it comes to giving those dreaded pickle-tickles that our men seem to go so crazy for! But as the Apostle Paul said, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet (some of you less proficient gals take this a bit too literally — yes, I'm talking to you Lynne) and submit!
A lot of folks ask me how I got my nickname Pickles. Well, I'm fixing to tell you. It was way back when I was a popular gal with the boys at Midland High. And let's just say I never had to worry about working a Love Waits t-shirt into my cowgirl wardrobe! But this got me thinking: why don't I draw on my vast experience on the prairies of Texas to teach you to be a firecracker in your own bedroom, barn or Cutlass backseat?

How to Tickle a Pickle! - Betty Bowers, (via HogBlog).

April 5, 2004

Church Grip Slips in Chile

Chile: No doubt fearing the control of the church slipping from his grasp, the top man in a funny hat and frock in Chile has condemned the government for original thought over their plans to introduce divorce laws.

The head of the Roman Catholic Church in Chile has criticised government plans to introduce the nation's first divorce laws.
The Roman Catholic archbishop Francisco Errazuriz said divorce would threaten the family and undermine the sanctity of marriage.
Chile is one of the only two democratic countries in the world, along with Malta, that does not allow divorce.
The archbishop's annual speech at a religious service to mark the country's Independence Day reaffirmed the Church's moral position on marriage.

Church slams Chile divorce plans - BBC, 19th September 2003 via Meta-Roj Blog. Chile Congress backs divorce law - BBC, 11th March 2004.

Fundie Acquitted of Murdering her Children

United States: I don't know what's worse, a loony fundie using the my invisible friend told me to do it defence and getting away with murder, or her moronic ex-parishioners supporting her.

At the church where Deanna Laney once ministered to youth, sang in the choir and spoke in tongues, worshippers Sunday prayed for her and her family a day after she was acquitted by reason of insanity of bludgeoning two of her young sons to death.

Members of the Pentecostal First Assembly of God church turned to their faith to cope with the killings, which Laney said God told her to commit.

All this hand-wringing smacks of Conspicuous Compassion. Let's see how ready the fundies are to hand over their kids to Laney for babysitting.

April 2, 2004

Bargain of the Day: DIY Hell House Kit

United States: Always eager to cash in on whatever the cool kids are doing, a group of loony fundies have cottoned onto a recent ploy by the evangelicals to create hell houses for Halloween with the intention of literally scaring the hell out of the mindless and gullible. Figuring that evangelicals aren't too hip to anything creative, there are several groups who sell DIY kits.

About this Archive

This page is an archive of recent entries written by Red Wolf in April 2004.

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