Red Wolf: July 2005 Archives

July 28, 2005

Bargain of the Day: 21st Century Vampire Killing Kit

United States: This isn't the first time the Prattle has featured a vampire killing kit, but the last one had more of an historial significance, was auctioned by Sotheby's rather than someone in desperate need of a clue about the misuse of the caps lock key and didn't appear to have been assembled by someone who watches way too many Hammer horror films.

Enjoy it in all it's eye-searing glory:

July 23, 2005

UFOs, Coming Soon to a State Near You

United States: Seeing as his recent attempt to call down UFOs on Las Vegas went so swimmingly, Prophet Yahweh, Seer of Yahweh has issued a new proclamation:

Beginning August 7, 2005, Prophet Yahweh, Seer of Yahweh, will start his 50 State UFO Summoning Tour 2005. During this time, UFOs will appear on Prophet's signal for radio or television news and talk shows to film and photograph.

The Prophet got a bit miffed at the local Las Vegas media outlets taking the Michael and is doing the national tour with UFOs on command for all. Yay!

Spam of the Day

David Ellis was a bad man. He did bad things, but earned lots of money from those bad things. But then he got sick, defiled allforms of medical treatment, saw god and decided to share his wealth with the gullible.

Subject: IN GOOD FAITH
From: david_ellis_5@sify.com

Hello,
My name is DAVID ELLIS, a nationality of United Kingdom, I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. It has defiled allforms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.I have notparticularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone(not even myself)but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it.

Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended familymembers as well as a few close friends. I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth.

So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, Somalia and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them.

The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of Twenty Eight Million USD that I have with a finance/Security Company abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and despatch it to charity organizations.

I have set aside 20% for you and for your time.

God be with you.
DAVID ELLIS

David claims to be from the UK, his email account is based in India and he mentions a rather diverse group of countries he claims to have either donated to or been ripped off by. I have to wonder if Mr Ellis would be interested in joining the Church of the Red Breast.

July 11, 2005

Catholics Heading into Dark Ages

United States: Just when you thought the Catholics couldn't manage to step any further back into the dark ages, along comes a wingnut to disabuse you of that notion.

An influential cardinal in the Roman Catholic Church, which has long been regarded as an ally of the theory of evolution, is now suggesting that belief in evolution as accepted by science today may be incompatible with Catholic faith.

The cardinal, Christoph Schönborn, archbishop of Vienna, a theologian who is close to Pope Benedict XVI, staked out his position in an Op-Ed article in The New York Times on Thursday, writing, Evolution in the sense of common ancestry might be true, but evolution in the neo-Darwinian sense — an unguided, unplanned process of random variation and natural selection — is not.

It will come as a surprise to no one that the deranged man in the frock is in bed with a loony fundie whose mission in life is spreading complete bollocks to impressionable children.

One of the strongest advocates of teaching alternatives to evolution is the Discovery Institute in Seattle, which promotes the idea, termed intelligent design, that the variety and complexity of life on earth cannot be explained except through the intervention of a designer of some sort.

Mark Ryland, a vice president of the institute, said in an interview that he had urged the cardinal to write the essay. Both Mr Ryland and Cardinal Schönborn said that an essay in May in The Times about the compatibility of religion and evolutionary theory by Lawrence M Krauss, a physicist at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, suggested to them that it was time to clarify the church's position on evolution.

Leading Cardinal Redefines Church's View on Evolution - New York Times, 9th July 2005.

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This page is an archive of recent entries written by Red Wolf in July 2005.

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