Recently in Intentional Humour Category

December 20, 2011

A festive visitation

cthule-close-up.png


Scotland: Strange things are afoot at Prattle Towers. Last night I set up the Solstice Everblack and stepped back to take a photograph. When I downloaded the photo from the camera, I spotted something I hadn't noticed: Cthulhu Himself peering through the window! (click on the image to see the large version)



The likeness is unmistakable. Heretics might claim it's really the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but look - there's no attempt to hide an essentially tentacled nature here. All those people who believe that Jesus can appear in a plank of wood, or that the Virgin Mary would manifest in the form of toast will have to admit, this is the real thing. They'd better bow down to Cthulhu and accept their inevitable doom, for the evidence is undeniable.

December 2, 2010

A campaign I can get behind.

Fed up with Christian revisionists pretending that the winter solstice has anything whatsoever to do with their imaginary friend, Holte Ende has started up his own campaign: Let's put Woden back in Wednesday.

Of course, some fundie bampots have already noticed Satan’s false system of naming the days of the week, and also the months. Apparently

Satan has attempted to change all the things that God has set in place for us to determine when is the correct time to worship Him. Worship on the wrong day is not honouring God our Father and obeying the Commandments.

That particular site, belonging to an Australian church, does have the decency to admit that Christmas is not a Christian festival, though.

The Bible does not tell us to keep any holy day in the 11th month or in December. But, once again, Satan substituted a pagan festival of the Saturnalia, and linked it with Christ’s supposed birthday, and tales of Santa Claus.

In fact, they have an entire leaflet explaining how unchristian the festival is. For added amusement, the organisation behind the site is headquartered in a town called Woden.

June 11, 2010

The World of Religion

Mister Sharp explains:

December 16, 2009

Pull the other one, it has sleigh bells on.

United States: Newspapers usually only prank their readers on April 1st, but the Arkansas Sunday Post (bringing you the biggest stories for the tiniest minds, every Sunday!) appears to be engaging in a bit of festive tomfoolery. I mean, there is no way on earth this story can be true, is there?

Arkansas church ban popular carol promoting homosexuality. Protests grow.

The church in question is Saint Catherine and Angelic Martyrs in Puftville, the very name of the town making the story suspicious, but what makes it really doubtful is the apt name given to the pastor: Randy Pillock!

Explaining his decision, he points out, The second verse is the problematic part. The first line ‘Don we now our gay apparel’ is clearly incongruent with our values. The outrage doesn’t stop there for Pastor Pillock who explains that the third verse is an homage to a ‘Blazing Yule.’

He is not alone in his views though. Church stalwart, Ted Trotter agrees, This carol has been part of the gay agenda for years and it really is time to put a stop to it. It’s unbelievable that we have been singing it unnoticed for all these years.

Nice try.

Gay carol ban: No more Deck the HallsArkansas Sunday Post, 16th December 2009 (not a Sunday!)

September 12, 2008

Satanic game of the day

Apparently, the game Spore is evil, but not because of the intrusive DRM that punishes legitimate purchasers of the game. It's because it's part of a War on Creationism! The creator of the site explains where she got her insanity - it's hereditary.

(via hahathor)

September 8, 2008

Somewhere over the rainbow

It all started when Failblog featured this amusing little conspiracy video:

Surely a joke? I prodded further, to try and find out more about it. ~ The Rainbow Conspiracy ~ CRAZY, NEVER BEFORE SEEN FOOTAGE!!, and Conspiracy are definitely parody, as is this response, but then I spotted a term, and did a search for 'chembow'.

But none of these link the mysterious rainbows to the Gay Agenda. I'm most disappointed!

December 1, 2007

A bear called Iolo

Science fiction and fantasy writer Liz Williams has issued a challenge:

If you can lampoon my religion more than its adherents do already, I will decide on a winner on Monday morning and send you a free signed copy of an Inspector Chen novel which you can then flog on E-bay for a few quid. Or whatever.

And the religion in question?

It's Druidry! We wear long white frocks with wellington boots underneath! We made it all up in the 1900s (OK, not all of it. And some of it, in 1950)! We celebrated at Stonehenge in the 1880s with a brass band and a cream tea, and in the 1980s with a pitched battle with the police! We have an official Stupid Hat!

I think she forgot the bit about it being made up in the 1900s from other bits that were forged a couple of hundred years earlier.

September 12, 2007

Bampot or pisstake - you decide!

Sometimes its hard to tell the real barking mad fundie bampots from those who are taking the piss out of them, and Christians AGAINST Cartoons is one of those sites where I'm not sure which it is. I mean, look at this extract from the home page:

MTV2 has opened a new front in the assault against American Christian values last month with their new Sickomation stable of animated programming. In MTV’s attempt to mimic Cartoon Network’s homosexuality inducing Adult Swim, the music network has sunken to even more deplorable depths of depravity than the cartoon provider.

Although it would be easy to focus on the extreme violence of Sickomation's Celebrity Death Match, the show Where My Dogs At? is even more disturbing to the devout. Although the secular humanists who produce this show claim to be satirizing or parodying Hollywood hedonism (satire being the justification for all types of blasphemy), they are, in actually, embracing and propagating the worship of so many false idols with every revolting frame. Also, by having two stray dogs as the show's main characters, the show is, in fact, celebrating those who have strayed...FROM CHRIST!

Nope, still can't tell. Let's look at some more. I'm in Japan, so the section entitled Hello Kitty or Hello Anubis???? is obviously appropriate. It starts off as an agony aunt type letter, a woman whose neighbour has told her Hello Kitty is bad for her daughter's soul, and she is wondering why.

It is by no mere coincidence that Hello Kitty herself resembles the cat-headed Sekhmet, the Egyptian sun goddess of destruction! There are also strong resemblances between Hello Kitty and the Lower Nile love goddess Bast. Often cats and cat idols were entombed in the burial chambers of the Pharaohs for the cat had a deep mystical significance to these pagan slave drivers.

Permitting your child to lie in a bed covered in Hello Kitty dolls, you are allowing her to lie in a mock Egyptian burial chamber! This seemingly harmless fascination with these dolls can lead your child down the path of the occult. The so-called goth teens who paint their faces to resemble corpses and worship death are also often seen with Hello Kitty memorabilia and stickers incongruously affixed to their usually black attire. This is because these poor, misguided youngsters who have given their eternal souls over to the darkness, know the masked meaning of these cuddly idols. The Hello Kitty, the ChocoCat, The Badtz Maru are just sugar coated stand-ins for Sekhmet, the Anubis and Ra. These are the same gods that The Lord cast down into the sulfur pit of hell and made into demons! Their power, which allowed Ramses to turn his staff into a serpent, cannot be underestimated today.

There are enough inaccuracies here to push me gently towards the bampot side of the fence, what with Sekhmet being a lioness (not a cat, like Hello Kitty), Anubis being a jackal (a dog, not a cat, like Chococat) and Bad Badtz Maru being a penguin, which definitely doesn't fit into ancient Egyptian mythology! But maybe this is all part of the pisstake?

So, Christians AGAINST Cartoons - loony, fundie bampots or someone taking the piss out of loony fundie bampots? Can you tell?

For more on the occult evils of Hello Kitty, see Hello Kitty is the GoddessPrattle, 22nd July 2004.

April 21, 2007

God Hates the World

A group of wags wind up everyone, including fundies, with their Westboro Baptist Church Choir skit:

The comments are excellent.

March 26, 2007

A better commandment.

If holy books contained directives such as this, I might take them a little more seriously. Pity the example chosen is not an issue of grammar but of style. It would've been better to focus on the evils of forming the plural with apostrophe-s—if the Dutch can get it right when writing in English, then native speakers have no excuse whatsoever (via Arthur D. Hlavaty).

February 20, 2007

Bargain of the Day: knackered telly

I have this strange feeling that the vendor of today's bargain is not being entirely serious in their description of their wares, but the Miracle TV! Permanent TBN Phone Number Cures Ailments! does come with a video!

Up for sale here is 1 Miracle Television set guaranteed to cure any ailments and perform all miracles*. Operates without electricity, as seen above.

Miracles include but are not limited to:

Water to wine.

Parting of large bodies of water.

Produce manna from heaven.

Manifestation of fiery chariots.

Multiply loaves and fishes.

Kill Giants.

Walk on water.

Heal the sick and raise the dead.

Bring peace to all nations.

True story; We turned the TV off, but TBN's phone number remained! Is it a sign? YES. It is the 21st centuries' seraph! I had a vision. I must sell this TV set so that it may be released unto the World. For me to keep it would bring a curse upon my household.

Works great. Controller included.

*not responsible for any statements made nor the repercussions of said televisions actions

January 26, 2007

What, no spam?

January 13, 2007

Cattle mutilating space aliens go veggie

United States: Ah, the Weekly World News, such a wonderful publication bringing us exciting tales from all over the universe. Recently we were told of an interesting development of the cattle mutilation theme.

It was as if someone had taken a scalpel to the takeout box, Weald said of his mutilated order of steamed tofu. Neighboring containers of soy sauce and low-calorie dressing were unharassed.

High levels of radiation were found in the freezer, so the Weekly World News asked a suitably anonymous expert for their opinion.

However, NASA researchers believe that the tofu mutilators' origin may be otherworldly.

There have been increased reports of crop circles in soybean fields, and of UFO sightings near the star Vega, a NASA source revealed.

So there you have it - it was space vegans. Another story from a couple of weeks earlier, Health Food Stores Particularly Vulnerable to Alien Attack, supports this hypothesis.

Tofu Mutilations Blamed on Aliens from VegaWeekly World News, 4th December 2006 (via drieux).

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