Intentional Humour: January 2004 Archives

January 27, 2004

The Word of the Lord via IRC

The Netherlands: Just what you need to get the kids to really connect with the Lord; the original IRC logs to the Bible. As we all know, the Word of God was originally delivered in the form of an online chat.

Jesus Does PowerPoint

Canada: Well, charts at least. With comments to the peanut gallery.

Enough with the leper questions. Let's get back on topic - Graham Roumieu (via HogBlog).

January 20, 2004

Late Holiday Thoughts

United States: Religious musings from the DNRC universe.

If you're following the news, you know that the major religions differ in their interpretation of the holy books. For example, one way to interpret God's will is that you should love your neighbor. An alternate reading of the holy books might lead you to rig a donkey cart with small mortar rockets and aim it at a hotel full of infidels. In summary, po-tay-to, poh-tah-to. Religions are very flexible, and that's a loophole that the DNRC should exploit, especially during the holiday season.
Imagine, if you will, that all DNRC members moved their holiday gift-buying from December to January to take advantage of the sales. Then imagine that the money saved on gifts is invested at 5% compounded interest for 80 years. You'll be dead by then, but your estates would be worth literally hundreds of dollars, maybe more. Anyway, the point is that it's easier to park at the mall in January, and that's something that Jesus, Mohammed and Buddha would all agree is a good thing. Especially Buddha, if you know what I mean.
Personally, I want a religion that says it's okay for me to RECEIVE gifts, while warning that I'll burn in hell forever if I try to GIVE any. Furthermore, if I open a gift that seems poorly thought-out, it would be my religious obligation to smash it against a wall while the giver watches in horror. Some people might say to me, Hey, where did you get that religion? Did you pull it out of your @$$? But people are polite and rarely ask that sort of question even when you think they should.

A Little Ray of Bitter Sunshine - Dilbert Newsletter 52.0, December 2003.

January 14, 2004

Pet Foil Hat Technology

Canada: Before your pet's brainwaves are hijacked by the government, invest in a Pet Foil Hat Technology (PFHT).

January 12, 2004

Dirty Secrets Aired in Public

United States: Mark Morford capures the essential stupidity of harassing innocent people in the name of security by pointing out that anybody's dirty secrets could be aired in public.

And look there, look how that conservative Christian U.S. congressman is just so red faced and enraged when they search through his manly black Samsonite carry-on and find, well, not just a nice new Bible and clean white Jockey underwear and assorted envelopes of cash from the director of Destroy Gay Marriage Now! of Colorado Springs, Colo.

Look there, just under the argyle sweaters and the signed head shot from Pat Robertson, at the stash of sticky Honcho magazines and some Hello Kitty Speedos and, lo and behold, the metal in the congressman's boots induces an unfortunate backroom strip search, where what do we see but the assorted bright red welts of spankdom as incurred from Mistress Carlita's Pleasure Bunker in downtown Phoenix, from the night before. Oh, Congressman.

Scenes From A Sad Airport - SF Gate, 9th January 2004.

January 5, 2004

Religious Wars in the United States

United States: Brian Morton takes a humorous look at how America is fast turning into the exact thing that supposedly prompted a war on Iraq — being a bunch of intolerant religious fundamentalists devoid of democracy.

About this Archive

This page is an archive of entries in the Intentional Humour category from January 2004.

Intentional Humour: December 2003 is the previous archive.

Intentional Humour: February 2004 is the next archive.

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