Intentional Humour: April 2004 Archives

April 18, 2004

Questioning Catholic Logic

United States: Aloysius takes to the Catholic trinity with a mathematicians mind. This also explains why I failed religion in high school.

Suppose that the triune God of Catholicism exists. Then God is both three beings (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) and one being (God). Therefore three equals one. Therefore, two equals zero.
Therefore, you have no legs, and any that you may believe yourself to be walking about on are merely the products of a deranged imagination.

My failing had more to do with my questioning of everything, but declaring the concept of the Catholic trinity as utter illogical bollocks to a religion teacher, certainly didn't help.

Arithmetic of the Trinity - HogBlog, 17th April 2004.

April 13, 2004

The True Meaning of Easter

United States: Aloysius once again casts and amusing and enlightening look at traditional stories.

As the last minutes of this most blessed holiday leak slowly like marmalade through the cracks in the aged jar of Time, let us pause and remember that Easter is not just a time of chocolate, but a deeply spiritual occasion.
Do you know the story of Easter, boys and girls? No? Then listen...

April 6, 2004

A Christian Lady's Guide to the Disgusting Marital Obligation of Biannual Fellatio

United States: Send yourself wafting off serenely to sleep with First Lady Laura Pickles Bush's tips on fellating your Christian husband.

As Christians, we so often get caught up in talking about the sanctity of everyone else's marriages, that we clear forget to pay attention to our own! Republicans all agree that the best way to stop sex is simply to say, "shhhhh!" when young folks start to talk about their naughty places! And traditionally no one has more eagerly embraced the notion of abstinence than Christian housewives when it comes to giving those dreaded pickle-tickles that our men seem to go so crazy for! But as the Apostle Paul said, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet (some of you less proficient gals take this a bit too literally — yes, I'm talking to you Lynne) and submit!
A lot of folks ask me how I got my nickname Pickles. Well, I'm fixing to tell you. It was way back when I was a popular gal with the boys at Midland High. And let's just say I never had to worry about working a Love Waits t-shirt into my cowgirl wardrobe! But this got me thinking: why don't I draw on my vast experience on the prairies of Texas to teach you to be a firecracker in your own bedroom, barn or Cutlass backseat?

How to Tickle a Pickle! - Betty Bowers, (via HogBlog).

April 2, 2004

Why fundies are stupid

Germany: A researcher at the Hamburg Medical Research Institute has discovered that sex stimulates the brain and enhances intelligence.

He said that love making not only excited the body but also the brain and the increased amount of adrenaline and cortisol hormones that are produced stimulates the grey matter, reported magazine Unicum Campus.
Sex makes you more intelligent in that experiences are collected that can be used later on in areas of life not linked to sex, said [Werner] Habermehl.

Orgasm also serves to improve self-confidence. Sex makes you clever - Ananova, not dated but let's guess that it was yesterday morning (via morons.org).

About this Archive

This page is an archive of entries in the Intentional Humour category from April 2004.

Intentional Humour: March 2004 is the previous archive.

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