Intentional Humour: May 2004 Archives

May 29, 2004

I drink, therefore flying pink elephants exist.

...Therefore, God Exists is a list summarising arguments 'proving' the existence of God. Some favourites:

6. TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
(1) Check out that tree. Isn't it pretty?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

8. MORAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Person X, a well-known atheist, was morally inferior to the rest of us.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

10. ARGUMENT FROM CREATION
(1) If evolution is false, then creationism is true, and therefore God exists.
(2) Evolution can't be true, since I lack the mental capacity to understand it; moreover, to accept its truth would cause me to be uncomfortable
(3) Therefore, God exists.

18. ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS
(1) Millions and millions of people believe in God.
(2) They can't all be wrong, can they?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

25. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPREHENSIBILITY
(1) Flabble glurk zoom boink blubba snurgleschnortz ping!
(2) No one has ever refuted (1).
(3) Therefore, God exists.

35. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION
(1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew.
(2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

82. ARGUMENT FROM SQUARE CIRCLES
1) There is no such thing as a square circle.
2) God is not a square circle.
3) Therefore, God exists.

There are 519 of 'em at the moment, so I might be some time. (via Macadamia's Trinkets).

Fafblog Interviews Focus on the Family Cult Leader

United States: On Fafblog, a very funny fake interview with James Dobson, leader of the anti-gay-marriage nutbars Focus on the Family.

FAFBLOG: So! How's the Family?

JAMES DOBSON: The Family is in deadly danger, Fafnir.

FB: Danger? Oh no! I like families!

JD: Yes, danger from the homosexual agenda which has been trying for decades to destroy it.

FB: I never knew homosexuals had an agenda! I just thought they were ordinary people who were easily stereotyped as lovers of musical theater.

JD: So they and the gay-controlled Hollywood elite would have you believe. But the Forces of Gay are now closer than ever to destroying the divine institution of the civil marriage certificate, and with it, the family itself.

Fafblog Interviews: DR. JAMES DOBSON - Fafblog, 25th May 2004 (via BoingBoing).

May 17, 2004

The plastic of the Christ

Don't miss this exciting QuickTime commercial for the Jesus Christ Action Figure (with walk-on-water action!). It's like Mel Gibson's PASSION without all the hassle.... And if you like it, you can buy a DVD with this, and more of the director's work. If you are feeling particularly rich, the actual figure used is for sale on eBay - but it's at $425 and the reserve hasn't been met yet.

May 13, 2004

English-Fundie phrase book

The Fundie Phrase Dictionary is designed to help further debate on religion and science.

When you debate with a Christian fundamentalist, you may often find that the two of you are going around in circles, almost as if you are speaking different languages. The reason for this is simple: you are speaking different languages.

So the Dictionary provides a handy table listing common phrases, a normal person's definition of that phrase and a Fundie's definition.

Freedom of expression
[Normal person] The freedom to make literature or films without censorship, provided you don't violate someone's rights. For example, child porn violates children, snuff films kill people, etc.
[Fundie] The freedom to make literature or films without censorship, provided you do not offend Christian values.
Alternatively, it is the freedom to express your religious beliefs wherever and whenever you want, in any venue you want, even if it is on someone else's property (eg- public property which is shared by people of all beliefs) or you are a schoolteacher and your job is to be neutral on religion.

(via Pharyngula.)

May 10, 2004

Rip. mix. take the piss

Pericat has come up with her own improvement on the latest Chick tract. Here's a taster-ette:

May 8, 2004

My Life as a Celebrity Scientologist

United States: Harmon Leon decided to check himself into the Celebrity Centre in Los Angeles — a Scientology retreat for the rich and famous. He made sure his friends knew where he was going and when to come and get him.

We go to a fancy, roped-off office on the first floor. There's a large desk, a book shelf, and a lot of pictures of boats on the wall.
And this is L. Ron Hubbard's office.
The actual office used by L. Ron Hubbard? This is like being in Jesus' room.
No. Each Scientology center has an office for L. Ron Hubbard, decorated in a way he would like it.
Oh, so the office was used when he was visiting, ya?
No. He died before this hotel was refurbished.
Someone should mention to this lady that dead guys don't need offices. Especially an office built for a dead guy after the dead guy is dead.

My Life as a Celebrity Scientologist - The Rick A. Ross Institute, (via Opinions of the Wolf: Opinion).

About this Archive

This page is an archive of entries in the Intentional Humour category from May 2004.

Intentional Humour: April 2004 is the previous archive.

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