Intentional Humour: February 2005 Archives

February 24, 2005

Homophobic Christian Fundamentalist Preachers as Pets

United States: Tired of dealing with the cruel taunts of Christian Fundamentalist preachers, FistOn.Org has developed their own thoroughly scientific method of dealing with this rightwing menace. They capture them, shrink them and sell them as pets.

They come complete with helpful pet care tips.

Your preacher has never been four inches tall before; neither has it ever found itself screaming inside a fruit jar with holes in the lid. It will therefore feel a tad frightened and mistrustful, and may rend its little preaching garment in a droll sort of despair, just like a real Biblical character, whoever that was. When you arrive home, your pet will likely be all tuckered out from damning you to eternal hell.

February 7, 2005

Bye bye, Trekkies!

What does Star Trek have to do with the Tsunami?. Everything, according to Rev. John "Transporter Buffer" Mayfield of the Order Of The Isolinear Temple. In an egregiously cross-posted article, We'll Be Leaving May 13th, he calls on Trekkies to leave the planet.

On May 13th, 2005, after the series finale of Star Trek: Enterprise, we will shed our containers and join our space brothers on their star ships in orbit.

With the ending of the Star Trek franchise, there is no longer any reason for us to stay on Earth. The end of the franchise is a sign the world will soon face apocalyptic catastrophes and will be completely destroyed. We know full well the tsunami in the Indian Ocean was a precursor of future calamities to come. The cancellation of Star Trek: Enterprise further solidified our beliefs.

Thousands of us, consisting of Star Trek fans all over the world, will be beaming up our katras to the space brothers star ships as we rise to the level of Kholinar above Earth and travel along side our Heaven's Gate cousins.

So, what can we do to stop this terrible loss to humanity?

The only event which will reverse our decision and the fate of Earth is for UPN to renew Star Trek: Enterprise for the 5th, 6th and 7th seasons.

That last bit makes me wonder if it isn't a candidate for the Intentional Humour category.

February 6, 2005

Jesus - Goth as Fuck

Jesus Was Gother Than You and Shanmonster can prove it!

Christ was into body piercing. He only did it a few times, but what a statement he made with his piercings! He had a huge-guage piercing gun zap his hands, feet, and side. To top it all off, he did it all in front of an audience, making him one of the first performance artists...

...He spent time in tombs. Like I mentioned before, he hung out with Lazarus in one once, but there's much more to it. He once pretended to be dead for three days so that he could sleep in one. How goth can you get? I'll bet you never lived in a tomb. Only Christ, vampires, and Poppy Z. Brite characters get to do that.

Of course, certain barking mad fundies disagree, and like nothing more than sending the Shanmonster hate mail:

Holy shit! Not being saved is hard work! These industrious Christians certainly keep me busy, although I often wonder why they seek me out just to flame me. There's an awful lot of people who express their hate by telling me of Jesus' love. Kinda ironic, hmm? I've never sent an unsolicited flame in my life. Oh well. Who knows? There's probably a rationale for it hidden somewhere in the bowels of that great Holy Bible (the real Bible, mind you, and not the hordes of Satanic Bibles)....

And it seems they also write in that special language - Christian English:

By the way, after I realized just how little regard most people hold for proper grammar and spelling, I've left off using sic after each error. Please consider the following letters (in reverse chronological order) to be held under a blanket sic.

(via Carnival of the Godless, hosted this week at Pharyngula)

About this Archive

This page is an archive of entries in the Intentional Humour category from February 2005.

Intentional Humour: January 2005 is the previous archive.

Intentional Humour: March 2005 is the next archive.

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