Recently in It's the End of the World as we know it Category

January 1, 2012

The Annual End-of-the-World Post 2012

Tradition was fully observed during 2011 when, despite some strong contenders, none of the predicted ends to the world happened. But 2012 promises to be a biggie. The world is going to end in so many ways this coming year that I really should have started writing this more than 11 hours before the end of 2011.

But first, as tradition dictates, the ongoing end-of-the-world scenarios:

December 5, 2011

Words fail me

Last night, Red Wolf forwarded me a link to an article. I have spent much of the intervening time wondering what on earth I could say about it, but I could only detract from the sheer amazement at reading this piece for the first time. So, without further comment, Awesome New UFO Theory: Approaching Comet is Really a Borg Cube From Jesus.

January 1, 2011

Annual End-of-the-World post 2011

Well, as usual, none of the end of the world predictions for 2010 have come true, and at the time of writing, there are only 11½ hours to go.

January 1, 2010

Annual End-of-the-World post 2010

If you are reading this, it's safe to say that none of last year's predictions of doom came true. So, how are we to meet our end in 2010? It seems many of the doom-merchants are obsessed with 2012, but the usual suspects are still coming up trumps. I'm going to try a new format this year, organised by date.

December 18, 2009

New York nuke date changed (again)

The Lord's Witnesses have been using Bible codes to predict a terrorist nuke on New York for some time now, the most recent missed date having been December 15th or 16th. Sometime overnight, their site was changed and the prophecy now reads:

We now predict a terrorist attack using a form of fire from the heaven that we cannot conclusively determine, but we think may be nuclear. The US will be hit with a with a weapon producing a mushroom cloud rising from the sea (1Kings18), hitting midtown Westide Manhattan, near the Hudson river on 2009Chislev28 (December19/20).

We are warning you about this, so that when it happens you know that God has spoken of this event beforehand and in fact will save us from nuclear annihilation in the near future...

Still not convinced I can avoid going there in February.

Marilyn Agee has still not updated her site after her most recent failed prediction.

December 17, 2009

Paging New York

Are you still there? I promised to update the readers today, but there's nothing on the BBC News website about the terrorist nuke that was predicted. It couldn't be that the merchants of doom were wrong (again), could it? And like Marilyn Agee, the Lord's Witnesses have yet to update their site.

December 15, 2009

Rapture/Armageddon update

There have been a number of forecasts that the Rapture would occur sometime about now. Perhaps Marilyn Agee was finally right, as as of now, her web site still reads Surely, the First-Trump Rapture must take place this year, HOPEFULLY DEC. 13, 2009.

A few days ago, PZ notice a rapture prediction we'd missed, suggesting the world would end on 14th December - i.e. yesterday. Well, today I checked the site to which he linked, and what do you think it says?

rapture-yule.png

Obviously not as Elect as Marilyn, or simply quicker to cover up his cock-ups.

We will update on the Lord's Witnesses' prediction that New York will be nuked today or tomorrow on the day after tomorrow!

December 8, 2009

End of the World 2009 checklist

Around this time of year, I start to put together the "Annual End of World" post, but I figured it would be a good idea to check out how the predictions for 2009 are doing.

December 31st 2008 - January 1st 2009: There will be a dual terrorist attack on the US and the UK taking the form of fire from the heavens and a rising mushroom cloud... The US arm of the attack will hit Westside Midtown Manhattan producing a man made mushroom cloud rising from the Hudson river (Lord's Witnesses). Well, as we know, the only thing to hit the Hudson at any time close to that was an A320, successfully ditched by Captain Chesley Sullenberger after a bird strike on January 16th. So that's a miss then? Not so fast - the Lord's Witnesses are now predicting something very similar for December 15th or 16th this year: We now predict a terrorist attack using a form of fire from the heaven that we cannot conclusively determine, but we think may be nuclear. The US will be hit with a with a weapon producing a mushroom cloud rising from the sea (1Kings18), hitting midtown Westide Manhattan, near the Hudson river on 2009Chislev24 (December15/16). I somehow suspect that there is no hope that my planned trip to New York in February will be called off, alas, and they provide no news on their predicted attack on the UK.

20th January 2009: terrorist attack on Washington DC during the presidential inauguration after Bush launches attack on Iran (Satan's Rapture). I watched the inauguration in the telly, and there was no sign of any bombs or similar.

January 2009: Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Finland, Luxembourg, Belgium, and all of the Netherlands will be completely inundated (Nostradamus and the New Prophecy Almanacs). Oslo, Copenhagen and Amsterdam seemed no wetter than usual during my visits this year, and did not appear to be recovering from any flooding.

March 2009: Queen Elizabeth II will pass away peacefully in her sleep and the royal succession shall pass to Prince Charles (Nostradamus and the New Prophecy Almanacs). Predicting that an elderly woman will die would seem to be an easy option, but so far she is continuing to prove that she is her mother's daughter. The same source also predicted a Russian invasion of Germany in August, of which there was no sign.

29th May 2009: I'M HOPING FOR THE RAPTURE BETWEEN NOW AND PENTECOST; HOW COULD IT BE LATER THAN THAT? (Marilyn Agee). Easily, it seems, but she is still optimistic on her new site. In a note posted on the 6th December this year, she says Surely, the First-Trump Rapture must take place this year, HOPEFULLY DEC. 13, 2009, because there is no other harvest until the end of the last five years of the Tribulation. We'll know within the week, anyway.

January 1, 2009

Annual end-of-the world post 2009

2009 looks like a quiet year in terms of the end of the world, with many of the predictions merely being the usual suspects revising their dates yet again.

January 1, 2008

Annual end-of-the-world post 2008

So, none of last year's predictions concerning the end of the world have come true. Nor has there been any sign of Jesus. This, of course, will not stop the prophets of doom. So, what can we expect in 2008?

February 13, 2007

The end of the world is very nigh indeed

It seems I missed at least one important date out of my Annual End of the World Post 2007: St. Valentine's Day. According to a poster on various newsgroups, ancient Egyptian astrologers knew all about it, although I suspect the bigotry is a modern addition to the prediction:

Predators such as jews, shiate and Pope Ratzinger could be in for a nasty Second Coming shock this Valentine's Day as a huge comet originating in the costellation of Aquilla the Eagle heralds the Return of the King, according to astrologers decoding the British Museum's ancient star maps found in Egypt's Valley of the Kings.

Comet Nemesis hails from the giant bright star Altair and has been predicted to usher in the Day of Judgement according to the Cheops Codex.

Exactly what this will bring is a little vague. Okay, that's me being too polite. What follows makes no sense whatsoever.

We forsee the total collapse of the Family Evil Empire as the comet transits natal fault lines that have held together for centuries with glue made from boiled cloven hooves, Gog family semen and rattlesnake venom.

But the Poodle gods in Sally, Rabat is totally blase about any collapse of its power structure on the 14 February and has even hinted that the head of the Metropolitcan Police's cash-for-honors probe may have been offered a life peerage to clear up the whole messy business pretty damned quick.

Internet spread betting index AintgottaWarholprayer.net is offering odds of 5/4FAV on Alaoui being led kicking, screaming and manacled out slowly on Wedenesday morning after the King mohamed sesta alaclaoui, the Pretender to the Throne of god and all the other Bots and Clones implants are shot at dawn for treason against Salvation.

Right-o.

Prey for Valentine's Day Second Coming says astrologersWarhol, 12th February 2007.

January 1, 2007

Annual end-of-the-world post 2007

Yet again, the doomsayers have let us down, and the world spectacularly failed to end in 2006. Nor was there any sign of Jesus' return, so it's time, again, to see how we will meet our collective end in 2007. It looks like it will be much busier than last year.

September 17, 2006

If at first you don't succeed, change the date for the end of the world.

Kenya: When Yisrael Hawkins of the House of Yahweh predicted nuclear annihilation on September 12th, his Kenyan followers bunkered down to await the end.

Then nothing happened.

But they are not even slightly embarrassed, and insist they will be proved right soon enough, and that mockers will die as a result.

They say that the nuclear will start around the great river Euphrates and the house of Yahweh is only mandated to teach people what they must do to protect themselves.

But this will not be the end. The end will come 13 months later with four-fifths of the population destroyed, warns Yaaqob Kiplagat, a member of the religious group.

They are well prepared for nuclear war, although they do not explain why anyone would waste nukes on Kenya.

The group has in their bunkers molasses, honey, illegal brew — busaa — and other permissible foodstuff according to their faith.

Mosheh said they have eaten enough food which contains molasses for immunity of which will prevent them from being affected by the nuclear chemicals.

We have also prepared safe rooms of which are covered with thick paper bags which will absorb the nuclear chemicals.

They are a bit odd, even by loony fundie standards, refusing to call the Bible by that name.

Furthermore, we do not call it the bible, we call it the book of Yahweh because the bible means Babylon which is a place of idol worship, he says.

Cult: 'Those who laugh at us will perish'The Standard, 16th September 2006.

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