Religious Tat: March 2004 Archives

March 30, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Passover frog pin

Passover starts on the 5th, and just in time is this *Green FROGS!* Adorable Passover Pin!!!! (Judaica). Even though it is quite cute, and not obviously religious tat, the Prattle's Jewish tat correspondent assures me it is religious tat due to the marketing:

AAAUUUGGGHHH! IT'S THE SECOND PLAGUE!!!!!!
***SO CUTE!!***
Passover is coming! What a fun thing to wear for Passover, or if you love frogs!
All of my jewelry is handmade of colorful polymer clay *by me*. These frog pins measure approximately 1 1/4 inches in diameter. Since these pins are handmade, they will all be exactly alike, only different!! ; )

Matching earrings are available, and the vendor apparently makes fun jewellery for all the Jewish holidays. There must be one or two for which 'fun jewellery' is singularly inappropriate.

March 26, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Another Christian spell kit.

It must be that time of year, or something, for here is Saint Jospeh the Faithful Helper, yet another home selling kit.

For centuries, thousands of faithful have placed their hopes and trust in the power of St. Joseph.
Through devout prayer and petition, ask Saint Joseph to grant your needs and desires. Keep Saint Joseph The Faithful Helper on your property as a sign of your conviction. Most important is the expression of your faith in him through daily prayer. A beautiful card with a prayer to Saint Joseph is provided.
Remember, Saint Joseph has never been known to ignore those who truly believe!

This tan-coloured plastic statue stands 10cm high and also comes in a version with Saint Joseph holding a child. The manufacturer's recommended price is $4.30, or you can get it from eBay for a mere $12.95!

March 25, 2004

Bargain of the Day: St. Joseph home sale kit

We have a rival bargain to the Saint Joseph Home Seller Kit mentioned back in July (and now available for $7.95 (US) through The Catholic Company). But The Authentic St. Joseph Home Sale Practice is a much tackier item, being plastic and not resin:

This Kit includes a Statue of St Joseph, An Introduction, The way of St Joseph and A Petition to St. Joseph.

When the auction expires, this particular product, minus the Authentic, is available for a mere $6.95 (US) from Divinity Religious Gifts. They have more information, and a claim:

Can't sell your home? Ask St. Joseph. St. Joseph has helped 1000s sell their home. St. Joseph Home Sale Kit includes directions, statue, and prayer card.

March 23, 2004

Bargain of the Day: MOST POWERFUL PRAYER CLOTH

We've featured a prayer cloth before, but this MOST POWERFUL PRAYER CLOTH makes some very specific claims:

This is the MOST POWERFUL PRAYER CLOTH. Many have experienced supernatural occurances after receiving one of these. MIRACLES ARE TAKING PLACE! One man wrote: As soon as I opened my mail, I felt the very presence of GOD. Another person wrote:I RECEIVED 2 JOB OFFERS. 1 PAID 3 TIMES AS MUCH AS I EVER EXPECTED! Another wrote: This is incredible! MY CHILD CAME BACK HOME AND FOUND A JOB THAT VERY DAY! I, myself have experienced several miraculous events. Suddenly, all my bills are being paid! People are giving me things that I really need. I also got a half price meal today-for no reason. This is incredible folks! TESTIMONY AFTER TESTIMONY YOU JUST GOT TO GET ONE OF THESE!

A similar ploy was used by televangelist Bob Tilton. According to The Skeptiseum:

One of Tilton's ploys was to send a miracle package that included a swatch of fabric called a Miracle Prayer Cloth ... and a tiny package of Anointing Oil. The former was to be returned--with money--so that Reverend Bob could pray over your cloth.

The taxman eventually caught up with Tilton:

Tilton responded to the IRS and other investigators by saying he was being persecuted.

South Africa's Spirit Word Ministries also offers its own Prayer Cloth, but at least this one is free to print out. It features a handprint with an advertisement for the Ministries' TV show and web site, and the words God has really anointed Kobus van Rensburg in this ministry of miracles - carry this cloth with you or just put your hand on the hand of Kobus & agree for your miracle.

March 22, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Religious colouring hats

JANIE'S COLORING HATS is an eBay store specialising in paper hats for colouring in, and it has a substantial selection of Judaica. For a mere $20 (US), you can obtain a mixed selection of 100 Jewish Coloring Hats, with themes such as Chanukah and other festivals, Kosher foods and Hebrew. There is also a set of Bible coloring hats, and there's a special bonus, too!

INCLUDED IN YOUR ORDER WILL BE A LOVELY ASSORTMENT OF OTHER COLORING HAT THEMES including HAPPY EASTER, CHRISTMAS, GOD BLESS AMERICA and THANKSGIVING.

March 20, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Bible-Zines for Boys

United States: From the loony fundies who brought you the bible-zine for girls, here's the version for boys. It's got to be hip, look there's a guitar, snowboarder and flamey logo on the cover. I'm betting that the most use this magazine is going to get is as a handy cover for hiding stroke mags from parents.

The world's largest publisher of religious material is selling the sizzle along with the solemn in a line of Bible-zines — repackaged Bibles aimed at hip Christian teen-agers.
Leaning on the successful slogan of famous Depression-era salesman Elmer Wheeler — Don't sell the steak, sell the sizzle — Transit Books, the teen division of publisher Thomas Nelson, adopted the eye-popping format of mainstream teen magazines to create Revolve, a four-color, 388-page New Testament for teen-age girls.
The smashing success of Revolve, a one-time magazine that went on sale in July for $14.99, has led to the planned Easter launch of Refuel, a Bible-zine aimed at teen-age boys.
Revolve, which has no advertising, excerpts easy-to-digest biblical passages to answer the tough questions teen-agers often ask. Woven throughout is an easy-to-read Bible in a flashy format so teen-agers might feel more comfortable paging through it in public.
We've found a way to make the word of God exciting, relevant and fun for young women again, said Transit Books brand manager Laura Whaley.
Revolve does not duck once-forbidden topics, with one reviewer likening it to Seventeen magazine, only saintlier.

It will come as no surprise to anyone that the subjects in both mags are identical bar the gender switch. I'm guessing the target audience is judged as being none too bright.

Bible-Zine for Boys Set for Easter Launch - Reuters, 16th March 2004.

March 17, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Bible Handkerchief

Show how much you respect the Word of God by blowing your nose on this green Bible snotrag:

Green, cotton/poly blend, 22" X 22" , machine wash, red lettering.**THANK GOD FOR A MIRACLE** with open Bible showing the scripture ***...And God wrought special miracles by the hands of Paul: So that from his body were brought unto the sick handkerchiefs or aprons, and the diseases departed from them, and the evil spirits went out of them. Acts 19:11***

March 15, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Plane crazy

You've seen the religious foam gliders before, but they were a little dull. So how about these Color-your-Own Religious Gliders?

5 3/4" X 6" Plastic Foam Religious Color-Your-Own Gliders. Each With A Printed Paper Coating. Assorted Styles, Individually Packaged. Markers Not Included.. Price is for 1 dozen airplanes.

The styles illustrated are 'WWJD' and 'Fly with the Lord'. If you fancy something a little more jazzy, Oriental Trading offers CARDBOARD RELIGIOUS FLYING JETS and FOAM VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL GLIDERS. Perhaps you are somewhat concerned about the way these aircraft represent the triumph of human inginuity over God's Will (after all, He did not give us wings for a reason). So how about an evangelical toy which represents something which is in the sky to begin with? I have CATCH THE SPIRIT FOAM FLYING STARS in mind:

ONE DOZZEN CATCH THE SPIRIT FOAM FLYING STARS. 6INCH ROUND.MADE OF FOAM IN ASORTED COLORS.THE CENTERS COME OUT SO YOU CAN USE WITH OR WITH OUT.NEET-O- FUN INDOORS OR OUTDOORS.GREAT LITTLE HAND OUTS FOR SUNDAY SCHOOL OR VBS.

Perhaps you like to use more subtle evangelical techniques than are usually employed. How about using a traditional weapon to knock your victim out so they don't run away from your preaching? Oriental Trading (again) has just the thing - RELIGIOUS BOOMERANGS:

15 1/2" Plastic Religious Boomerangs. Each printed with SMILE! JESUS LOVES YOU! Assorted colors.

Available by the dozen.

March 13, 2004

Barggain of the Day: MONEY, GOOD FORTURN, HEALTH

cujo525 offers an interesting personal service:

i AM A MINISTER AND MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED FOR MYSELF AND OTHERS. i WILL PARYER FOR YOU PERSONALLY AND ASK MY FLOCK TO DO THE SAME EVERY DAY. pLEASE LET ME KNOW WHEN YOUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED AS I KNOW THEY WILL.

I'm not sure if he will pray in return for instructions on how to use the 'shift' key, but he will ship his prayers to the United States, Caribbean, Middle East, Mexico and Central America, Africa, South America, Asia, Australasia, Europe, Canada. His other auctions are worth checking out, as well.

March 12, 2004

Bargain of the Day: The Holy Land Authentic Crown of Thorns

This perfect EostreEaster gift is, surprisingly, not being marketed as Passion of the Christ tat:

2000 years ago thorn bushes grew abundantly in the Holy Land -- today they still do but they are so hard to find. This is an authentic crown of thorns was hand-made in the city of Bethlehem in the Holy Land . It is symbolic of Christ' suffering and humiliation.

March 9, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Johnny Cash Reads The Complete New Testament

If the graphic and gratuitous violence of The Passion of the Christ really isn't your style, how about the more gentle sound of Johnny Cash Reads The Complete New Testament?

The New Testament of the New King James Version is read in its entirety by music legend Johnny Cash. After 20 years of encouragement from his mother to record the Bible, he approached the recording of the New Testament with fear, respect, awe, and reverence for the subject matter. Cash said further, I also did it with a great deal of joy, because I love the Word. In Johnny Cash Reads The Complete New Testament hear 19-hours of the Word of God from one of the most distinctive voices of our time. The legend of country music shows his spiritual greatness.

All yours for just $44.99 (US). Personally, I'd rather have K.D. Lang Reads Selections From Sappho. (Thanks, Tony).

March 8, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Free Passion tat!

Today's bargain will cost you only postage, because Passion of the Christ Materials are giving away 'fan kits' for The Passion of the Christ. Why? Because they believe

Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" will be one of the most influential films in history. Never before have the final hours of Christ's life been so vividly portrayed. Be a part of this monumental film release by ordering one of the officially licensed Fan Packs.

After all, giving people posters, stickers, postcards and door hangers is nearly as cheap as spamming, and more effective than that as advertising.

March 6, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Miracle II Soap

At first glance, Heartland Enterprises appears to be a typical vendor of environmentally-friendly cleaning products and water filters. But read the FAQ:

* What are the ingredients of Miracle II Soap? (What's on the label?)
The FDA does not regulate the contents of soap. The inventor of Miracle II Products, Clayton Tedeton, has decided not to reveal the exact formula, and therefore the exact answer to that question is between him and God.
What we do know is from the label on the Miracle II Soap bottle, which reads thus:
The most complex mixture of natural minerals and organics that has ever been blended together. Miracle II is a spiritually revealed, formulated product. Contains: Prayer - Electrically engineered eloptic energized stabilized oxygenated water - Ash of Dedecyl solution - Dehydrabiethylamine - Clacium - Potassium - Magnesium - Foaming agent - Cold pressed Acovado - Almond - Olive & Coconut Oils - Vitamin E - Miracle II contains and holds spiritual and eloptic energy.

But hang on, could this be the work of Satan? Liberty To The Captives is a Christian website focussing on topics such as:

Topics include exposing false doctrines in the Left Behind Series; the the planned satanic infiltration into the church; true gospel vs. the false gospel; the New Age gospel of Stewart Best, unholy music, the post-tribulation rapture, false doctrines in Jim Pappas' Christiana: The Pilgrim's Progress Part II; Tim LaHaye's false mark of the beast teachings, scripture-twisting in the Tim LaHaye Prophecy Study Bible: King James, walking after the flesh vs. walking in the Spirit; Christian liberty vs. license to sin; Miracle II products; cleansing ourselves from all filthiness of flesh and spirit, fasting and prayer; the various ways Satan's servants work to try to spiritually destroy Christians.

They tell us

Prayer to God does not go into objects or containers. Prayers to Satan (incantations) can result in demons going into containers, objects, and substances. So far, our look at the other Miracle II spiritual ingredients reveal that these products are undoubtedly marked for Satan. God (as revealed in the Holy Bible) does not co-labor with Satan, the god of this world. We can be certain that any prayer contained in the Miracle II products is directed to Satan because they contain his subtle energy! Such prayers cause the recipients to be cursed with demons, not blessed by God.

And therefore...

You have made a mistake by using the Miracle II products. You have actually sinned by buying, using, or even selling these demonically marked products... Renounce purchasing them, using them, swallowing them, bathing with them, laundering with them, trusting in them, selling them or any other way you have given them place in your life. Renounce praising Satan unknowingly by praising God for improvements in health while you used the products. Throw them away, including all literature, etc.

(via Jesus' General).

March 5, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Passion Opportunists

United States: Over at the Prattle Towers satellite office, when we're not scouring the headlines to bring you the latest in naughty vicar stories, we're immersed in other web enterprises. Our main site runs Google ads and we have noticed an influx of god bothering wankers pushing crap for The Passion of The Christ.

I'd just assumed that most were trying to flog the same Passion tat that has already been highlighted here, but the lovely Feòrag pointed out several of the amusing and opportunistic little enterprises riding on the coattails of Lethal Weapon meets God.

From the school of You've seen the movie, now buy our crap, which comes in the exciting flavours of pro- and anti-Passion. Interesting to note that this particular ad was using the same googlejuice boosting techniques favoured by spammers.

Who really killed Jesus?
Do the Bible Codes predict The Passion controversy?

The sensationalist tabloid headline version of Buy our crap. Complete with fake endorsements — just like the movie.

Passion of Christ
Recent wave of Godly programs? Recent wave of Satanic programs?

There's the Convert, you godless heathens. Oh, and buy our crap kind of ad.

Passion — True to Script?
Read Jesus' exact words from the original eyewitness biographies.

The usual bunch of ads luring you to eBay or Amazon make an apearance. But there's also a curious group that figure if you've seen the movie, you'll be jonesing for a new bible. How can you resist a bible has been completely remastered and is touted as being a first edition.

Prepare for the Passion
1st edition copy of new Douay Bible Completely remastered, in leather.

The What the hell, learn a dead language marketing ploy, the site fudges the truth a little because you get presented with Hebrew instead of Aramaic. I think these guys are playing off the inherent stupidity of the loony fundies who will flock to the movie and not understand the difference.

Understand The Passion?
Learn Hebrew and Aramaic at Home No-Risk Video CD Course from Israel

The warez sites are not about the look a gift horse in the mouth, so there's also a heap of ads tempting you to download the movie or buy pirated versions.

You run one post about Mel's crappy vanity pick and you're innundated by tat merchants. Isn't there something in the bible about merchants being the spawn of satan?

Opinions of the Wolf: Opinion - Red Wolf, March 2004.

March 4, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Bodies for Christ

Despite the name, the Bodies for Christ does not exhort Chrsitians to go out and kill those who disagree with them, but it might just help the sort of nut who thinks that's a good idea.

Sheri has a passion to help people know who they are in Christ and understand that they can have victory in life, no matter what area. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 tells us that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit and we should honor our body. She has designed a series of Christian exercise videos called Bodies for Christ because it is vital for Christians to be God's hands and feet and ready to serve.

The video Firm and Tight is the one for you if you need to hang around cruising grounds prior to a good queerbashing:

This exercise program will increase calorie burning muscle and will tone and tighten your buttocks, hips, thighs, arms, back and belly! Faith Breaks are throughout the entire exercise video, which are filled with the word of God. The word of God will build your faith and propel you to finish the entire workout program.

March 2, 2004

Bargains of the Day: Pentagram frenzy

[Pentagram Rug]Several exciting Wiccan items caught the attention of the bargain seeker at Prattle Towers. Firstly, cover that odd stain with a Pentagram Carpet black heavy duty THICK:

This carpet is 3'4" diameter with a silver pentagram on a black background. Carpets are made with 100% jute backing and heavy duty weaving. (real deal carpet, not just a throw rug). Colors won't bleed or fade with use.

Not enough room? Well here's a Pentagram Watch black band black/white face

A high-quality, waterproof, unisex wrist watch. The face shows a pentagram with silver hands. It comes with a black leather band that fits both man and woman. Easily compares to a $50 retail watch. But we manufacture so you SAVE!

What? One pentagram isn't enough? Well the same vendor also offers sets of 10 NEW Pentagram Stickers white/black or black/purple:

These decorative stickers can be used for letters, envelopes and much more. 1.5" diameter, self adhesive! There are 10 stickers for $2. This auction is for one set of stickers.

March 1, 2004

Bargains of the Day: LASER 3D IMAGES in Crystal

When I was in New York recently, I spotted a block of clear stuff containing a 3D image of the World Trade Center with Jesus spreading his arms above the Twin Towers. I regret not buying such a superlative piece of tat, and have failed to find one online. This comes close, but the dove is far too pacifist an image for Bargain of the Day. As penitence, therefore, I present to you the 'religious' section of Crystal Fox Gallery's Laser 3D images in Crystal. Enjoy.

About this Archive

This page is an archive of entries in the Religious Tat category from March 2004.

Religious Tat: February 2004 is the previous archive.

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