Religious Tat: August 2004 Archives

August 28, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Chakra cleansing kit

Is the central axis of your being feeling lousy? Vital energies lacking? Why splash out on a relaxing holiday when, for a mere $49.99 (US), you can have a Complete Chakra Cleansing Kit instead?

This kit is designed for those of you working to balance all seven major chakras. All items in this kit have been appropriately empowered/blessed,and come with easy instructions.
The kit comes packaged in a box with a cloth pouch to carry the gem stones (patterns and colors of the pouch may vary)
Chakra Kit #1 includes:
7 drams of unique essential oils blends - one for each major chakra.
7 colored inscribed candles including: 1 red, 1 orange, 1 yellow, 1 green or pink, 1 blue, 1 Violet and 1 white or light violet
7 gemstones including: 1-garnet or blood stone, 1-carnelian or moonstone, 1-citrine or amber, 1-rose quartz or emerald, 1-aquamarine or turquoise, 1- sodalite or lapis and 1- amethyst or crystal
Plus easy to use instructions.

August 26, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Christian Torch

Someone has sullied the classic lines of a Maglite, and you can now bid on this CHRISTIAN MAGLITE - MINIATURE FLASHLIGHT:

Here's a super neat gift for the Christian believer. We had these made up for a special promotion...and decided to offer the few remaining ones here on eBay.

It's a genuine MAG-LITE penlight with Jesus is the Light of the World on the barrel. It comes in a compact, latching carrying case with Energizer battery and a key-type lanyard that fastens onto the end of the barrel. This the the MAG-LITE SOLITARE, made in the USA, This is a brand new item. MAG-LITE has been an icon for flashlight quality since their inception. As a gift, this is REAL QUALITY.

Surely if Jesus really was the Light of the World, a torch would be utterly unnecessary?

August 19, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Heaven Insurance

While clearing out my spam filters, my attention was caught by the words HEAVEN INSURANCE - NOW AVAILABLE - FOR THE FIRST TIME! . The web-bug-laden HTML message was fortunately unreadable on my machine, but appears to be identical to the web site:

I don't know about you, but I definitely want to go to Heaven. I live my life according to God's will and like many of us, I'm not perfect. I'm not sure if going to church is enough and figured that my family and friends could use a little extra help. Heaven Insurance* will provide that help. That's why we created this certificate and it is already helping people all over the world!

For only $19.95 you can buy an insurance policy that will INSURE* your loved one's entrance into

God's Kingdom.

Your Heaven Insurance* certificate will remind and encourage your loved ones to keep their spirit true.

It will consistently remind them to work toward and remain on the path to better living and to take comfort in the ways and security that faith in The Lord provides.

The Certificate Says: To guarantee that the aforementioned individual shall go to Heaven at the end of their life on earth. It also contains a beautiful and important quote from Psalms 145:18 which states The Lord is close to all who call on Him, yes, to all who call on Him sincerely.

See all those asterisks? You didn't think that spamming bastards would actually offer a legitimate product, did you? No, this attempt to sell expensive pieces of paper to the insecure is a gift/novelty item and is not an actual insurance policy. It is intended strictly as an artistic novelty designed to remind and encourage those with a true spirit to work toward and remain on the path to better living and to take comfort in the ways and security that faith in the lord [sic.] provides. And not a money-making scam. A similar attempt to fleece the gullible is this Ticket To Heaven we featured back in 2002.

August 17, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Cross teabag tag

If your herbal tea is not sufficiently pure and holy, enhance it with this Tea Bag Tag with Cross dangle- semiprecious stones:

Tea bag tags add grace and charm to the traditionally awkward task of manipulating a tagless tea bag. This is a one-of-a-kind item, there is no other one exactly like it.
The clip measures approximately 1.1 inches in length, and is attached to the pendant by means of a split ring (a micro-version of a key ring). The pendant part is about 1.8 inches long, and includes six nickel-plated metal beads (3 mm diameter), two 8-mm limestone beads, and one oblong mother-of-pearl bead, which is approximately 10 mm long and 4 mm wide.
The pendant is formed on a wire to provide some stiffness (so you can hold it like a little toothpick). The howlite cross is a separate piece that dangles below.
I like this item because I'm one of those people who drinks tea made with tagless tea bags, and I get weary of trying to fish the teabag out of the cup using a spoon or a straw...the teabag tag works much better.
If you know someone else who has this dilemma, then this will be perfect gift item.

August 5, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Jesus credit card

Christians can now be reminded of their faith every time they break their religion with a credit card bearing the three Calvary crosses.

Family Christian Stores nationwide are offering the new Mastercard with an image some Christians say their master wouldn't approve being on a charge card. Stone says she's heard a few comments both positive and negative from her customers.
There are some people who say that they don't think it's right for us to issue credit cards to go into debt. And our stand on it is we're not encouraging people to go into debt because we sell a lot of books that encourage them that if they use a credit card, to pay it off monthly.

And a customer reminded us that the United States money is unconsitutional:

Store Customer Rusty Parenteau believes all of our money came from God to begin with. I think it's a great idea, it's a great witnessing tool. In God We Trust is already printed on all American currency, and many people have Christian symbols on their checks.

Whatever happened to them being the number of the beast?

Jesus Credit Card Raises a Few Eyebrows - KCRG-TV9 News (via Religion News Blog), 4th August 2004.

August 3, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Jesus photomosaic

[Jesus photomosaic]Who knew that a simple computer could produce something as inspired as this Amazing Lithograph Mosaic of Jesus Christ!! Made up of over 1500 inspirational photos!!!!? Obviously, the vendor credits the Lord, rather than Steve Jobs, for the automatically-generated masterpiece known as The Believe Print, and claims it has special magickal powers too.

An absolutely amazing print that has been featured on National Televison and Radio Programs and brings strength to all who own it.
One of the most beautiful pieces of art of our Lord Jesus Christ ever produced, The Believe Print is a Limited Edition 18 X 24 lithograph print of the face of Jesus. Professionally printed on a gorgeous lithograph type stock, this print from a distance appears to be an INCREDIBLY sharp fine art black and white print of Jesus. BUT, when you get up close to it, you will notice that the print is ACTUALLY MADE UP OF OVER 1500 SMALLER EASILY VISABLE CRYSTAL CLEAR *FULL COLOR* Religious, inspirational and nature images. Thats right. FULL COLOR smaller images make up this incredible BLACK AND WHITE print! Over 7000 prints have been sold to date and there is a limited printing of 10,000 worldwide. It has to be seen to be believed! This item makes a fantastic gift for those special people in your life who are going through a tough time right now, or just appreciate the power of The Lord.
*Scans in no way represent the quality of this item. These are LOW resolution scans just to give you an idea of how amazing this item is. The smaller images are CRYSTAL CLEAR IN VIVID COLOR* Good Luck on this AMAZING nationally known print.

Strangely, the power of The Lord is not credited in the seller's other auctions for similar prints featuring the likes of Britney Spears.

August 2, 2004

Bargain of the Day: portable ritual kit

The neopagans of today are apparently not as magickally adept as the pioneers of their faith, and are not capable of just doing it with their outstretched forefinger. These days, it seems, a Wicca/wiccan portable ritual kit is a must, to ensure that the modern witch has just the right gadgets at all times:

Her is an interesting piece we developed to overcome the problems of the travelling Pagan. We developed a kit that can be easily dis assembled, and folded into a soft roll a little more than eight inche long and five inches in diameter so that you have no reason to miss another full moon or sabbat again. This kit includes a 7 inch athame, a pentacle cloth, sealed chalace, an incense burner for cones, and five hand painted candle placements, with the Alchemical symbols painted into the face. Each piece comes with a sewn pouch, and to start it all, we include the candles and the incense! The kit is ready for consecration, all you need to supply is your book of shadows, and the wine for the chalice. The Mini chalice is sealable, so that you may prepare the kit before travel, that way there is no need to fumble around for a fragile wine bottle. A one page destruction sheet is also supplied to show the symbols and placements.

The knife means it has to go in checked luggage though.

August 1, 2004

Bargain of the Day: Buddha Duck

[Buddah rubber duckie]More ironic commentary than serious religious tat, this Buddha Celebriduck should bring serenity to any bathtime.

This is a one of a kind collectible item. The Buddha Duck is hand painted and individually numbered. There are only 1500 available. They are made out of a non-toxic material. They make a great present and will be a wonderful addition to your tub, spa or pond. They were made in gratitude for my closest friend's recovery from cancer.

About this Archive

This page is an archive of entries in the Religious Tat category from August 2004.

Religious Tat: July 2004 is the previous archive.

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