Religious Tat: March 2005 Archives

March 22, 2005

Bargain of the Day: Another door.

Clearly inspired by an earlier effort, today we have another divine door, even if all I can see is Gandalf! The vendors insist this is a Miracle Door-Image of God's Face

[A veneered door]This wooded door has an image of the face of God (look for yourself). This image appeared at a time when our family was going through problems. Since the appearance, it had brought positive outcomes and our faith back. Our family calls this door the Miracle Door. The door measures approximately 23 1/2" wide and 78 1/2" long.

You will not regret buying this door. This door will only bring you positive outcomes. Seller paying shipping cost!!!

You know, looking more closely at that image, it looks more like Satan than anything else - you can even see the horns! Ain't nature wonderful?

March 21, 2005

Bargains of the Day: more simulacra.

The pious imaginations are in overdrive today, with two holy apparitions appearing on eBay. First up THE AMAZING HOLY GOD MUSSEL:

[Shellfish with interesting natural decoration]I found this amazing item whilst strolling along the beach in Christchurch, England. I couldn't quite believe it at first, but the mussel actually says 'God' on it! The holy inscription was written by a tube worm (Pomatoceros trigueter), though this one was clearly trying to tell us something! These worms usually leave meaningless white deposits on mussels, as I'm sure we've all seen in restaurants/ on the beach.

I thought the mussel was too exciting to leave on the shore, so I picked it up and took it home. Almost instantly things started to happen which made me think the mussel is lucky, or holy or something! Things have been going so much better at Uni and at home (for example my boyfriend and my sister's boyfriend both asked us to marry them within a week!), that it can't just be coincidence. With the mussel still in my pocket on the way home I found a ten pound note on the pavement! I believe it has given me really good luck, and since I am training to be a Vet (five years of University training in England doesn't come cheap!), I think it's time to pass the luck of the mussel onto someone else, and let it bring me my final bit of help.

I hope it brings you as much luck as it has brought me. I will also send with the mussel a signed certificate from me to confirm where I found it, as I think the fact it was found in 'Christ Church' makes it even more significant!

I am even less convinced by this JESUS PROFILE FOUND IN A PIECE OF POPCORN :

[Jesus in popcorn, apparently]JESUS PROFILE FOUND IN A PIECE OF POPCORN. IT IS TRUE, SEE THE PHOTO! I WAS EATING POPCORN ONE DAY AND DISCOVERED THIS PIECE WITH A LIKENESS OF JESUS. AS SEEN IN THE PICTURE, HE IS LOOKING LEFT. YOU CAN SEE HIS CHIN, MOUTH, NOSE, EYE AND HAIR AND NECK. WHEN I WENT TO PHOTOGRAPH THIS POPCORN WITH MY DIGITAL CAMERA SOMETHING STRANGE HAPPENED. I COULD NO LONGER USE THE VIEW FEATURE AFTER THE FIRST PICTURE WAS TAKEN. WHEN I DOWN LOADED THE IMAGES ON MY COMPUTER THE CAMERA WORKED FINE AFTER THAT. I DON'T KNOW IF THIS WAS A FLUKE OR THE CAUSE OF A HIGHER POWER. BECAUSE THIS IS FOOD I CAN NOT GUARANTEE IT'S CONDITION AFTER SHIPPING. BUT POPCORN IS PRETTY STABLE, AND EVEN WHEN STALE, CAN LAST A LONG TIME.

March 20, 2005

Bargain of the Day: Christian soft toys

Red Wolf has found a treasure trove in the Oriental Trading Company. It will indeed become the standard fallback when the crack tat-spotting team at Prattle Towers fails to find anything of interest on eBay. Today we look at some of the lovely soft toys suitable for the Christian child.

[Little doggie angels]First up are these REALISTIC PLUSH DOG ANGELS, at $7.95 for 12: 7" Plush Realistic Angel Dogs. Each with tricot angel wings and a tinsel halo. Assorted styles. They're almost as delightful as the PLUSH PRAYING LAMBS - 83c PER PIECE, each of which bears a felt cross.

In the Department of Bad Puns, you can find PLUSH JESUS IS DEER TO ME REINDEERS.

[Reading the Bible is like taking E]Clearly there is some form of specifically Christian Ecstasy on the black market. How else do you explain these SMILE FACE BEAN BAGS W/BIBLE or these neon-coloured Vacation Bible School Plush Bears. Each with an embroidered cross? RAINBOW FAITH PLUSH BEARS are clearly from the same drug-addled mind. Alas, the picture on the web site is not large enough for me to determine what it says on the attached label.

March 18, 2005

Bargain of the Day: Kosher Easter Eggs

United States: They're Easter eggs. They come wrapped in garishly coloured foil adorned with a crucifix. And — wait for it — they're Kosher.

Alas, the Oriental Trading Company (home of enough crappy, plastic religious tat to keep the Prattle amused for weeks) is fresh out of Kosher Crucifix Easter eggs, but they do have some daisy patterned ones in stock, so you're still in with a shot of offending your fundamentalist Jewish friends with gifts of Gentile cluelessness.

Kosher Easter Treats - Banana Stew, 2nd February 2005 (via Boing Boing).

March 17, 2005

Bargain of the Day: a dirty towel

One of the benefits of religion is a highly-tuned imagination. Just look at this Apparition - Original Handprint from Heaven:

[A dirty towel]As I was cleaning one day, I looked at my towel and saw the Handprint from Heaven. You can see how closely it resembles the picture of Christ. If you look closely you can also see an angel ascending into Heaven. As you look longer at it, several faces appear. It has been featured on several news stations and seen by hundreds. It has been blessed by several priests, including the Archbishop. It's authentic, one-of-a-kind.

March 15, 2005

Bargain of the Day: a door

Today's vendor does not know anything about how veneer is made and installed. So, they are really surprised when they spot an odd mirror image.

[Pretty veneer]This wooden door has an image of Jesus in the wood grain. It is amazing how clearly Jesus is in the door. If you look closely it looks like Jesus is praying. You can see arms and where the hands are folded in prayer. You can see his hair, and even the outline of his chin.

Actually, this is one of the better simulacra I've seen recently, though if you want a religious interpretation, I'd say Moses bearing the Ten Commandments would be a better one.

March 14, 2005

Bargain of the Day: a lump of rock

It seems that superstitious folk are seeing the Virgin Mary everywhere these days -- and then promptly auctioning her on eBay. Take this Collectible Rocks Natural Formation Mother Mary & Jesus as an example. All I can see is a well-eroded lump of stone, but those with that special eye of faith can see more:

[A worn lump of rock looking like nothing in particular]This Rock looks like Blessed Mother Mary holding the infant Baby Jesus. The opposite side looks like the adult Master and Savior.

This Spectacular Rock was located in a creek bed under a waterfall in middle Tennessee just north of Nashville very recently.

This rock Measures 3 1/4" long and 2" wide at the base.

When this rock was located and picked up it was apparent without a doubt that it had the image of Mother Mary and Baby Jesus.

The vendor claims a special talent for seeing that which isn't there: I have other Rocks and Fossils that I will be placing for auction. One of these looks uncannily like the skull of Invader Zim, although our vendor sees something different.

[The skull of Invader Zim, or Frankenstein, if you prefer]This Rock has been naturally formed into the shape of what looks like a Skull and looks like Frankenstein.

It was found in a creek bed under a small waterfall in central Tennessee just north of Nashville .

This rock formation is full of fossils.

It measures 4 1/2" Long by 3 3/4" wide. It weighs approx. one pound.

Please feel to ask and questions before you bid.

I think I'm right on this one.

March 12, 2005

Bargain of the Day: One crisp, slightly damaged.

Not the Virgin Mary this time, but a simpler simulacrum in the form of this L@@K~CRUCIFIX - CHRISTIAN ICON - POTATO CHIP ~ UNIQUE!!:

[A crisp with a cross cut into it]You are bidding on this rare potato chip in the shape of the Christian icon or symbol.

* GOOD FRIDAY IS NEAR!!!

* EASTER IS COMING!!!

This particular chip is from a collection of potato chips I have collected over the years.I recently sold a shamrock chip on Ebay. It is now available to the highest bidder of this auction. Regardless of your belief, you can now own this timeless artifact. With the coming holidays approaching, you are at the right place at the right time to bid on this item.

You have seen potato chips, sandwiches, loaves of bread,ect that resemble the virgin Mary or other religious people or symbols.

Now, you can own this wonderful crucifix chip.

This is not some cheap immitation nor a reproduction, it is a real potato chip with a Christian symbol or icon. It is the real deal. Whether the winning bidder is Golden Palace, the Vaticant, a collector of rare artifacts, or even an average person. This chip is available to the one with the highest bid. You will not be disappointed with this item.

March 11, 2005

Bargain of the Day: filthy dog door

If you have at least $1000 (US) going spare, you could invest it in a large dog-sized cat flap. It's a bit mucky, but with a bit of creative interpretation, you can see that the VIRGIN MARY IMAGE HAS APPEARED!! ON DOGGIE DOOR.

This is a image of Virgin Mary that appeared on my dogs doggie door, about 4 yrs ago. You are bidding on the doggie door ONLY. (However, you can email me with any questions about the dog house.) Please, only serious bidders!

Our cat flap is just as dirty...

About this Archive

This page is an archive of entries in the Religious Tat category from March 2005.

Religious Tat: February 2005 is the previous archive.

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