Religious Tat: May 2005 Archives

May 27, 2005

Bargain of the Day: a shell, but not like yesterday's

The Prattle is about 16½ years old now, and in that time it has come to my attention that there are one or two Christian extremists out there who are, well, a little bit violent. This bargain will disappoint them - there's no way it can be used for its original purpose. Today's offering is a DIVINE FIND - SHOTGUN SHELL TURNS INTO POPE'S HAT?!? which was MYSTERIOUSLY FOUND IN PRAIRIE WITH NO TRACES OF FIRE.... Which is good, because the rest of the description implies that there is a class of Darwin-bait that throws ammunition into bonfires:

[Squashed ammo]This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own the divine treasure emblazened in a fire, molding itself into the shape of the Pope's hat. How the shell did not burn up entirely is a mystery that will probably never be solved, but the shocking result is a sight to behold. The shell was found after the christening of the new Pope, but it is believed to have been molded into its present form sometime before or at the time of the former Pope's death. Could this shell have been burning into its undeniable shape as the Pope died? Draw your own conclusions as to the meaning of this strangely divine occurrence, but bid now or forever hold your peace. The only reason this one-of-a-kind miracle is being sold is the feeling that it truly belongs to another person, but who is the true owner?

Item is guaranteed 100% authentic. Seller acknowledges that no human was involved in the forming of the item into its present shape. It is believed that the item has been formed as a direct result of divine intervention.

May 26, 2005

Bargains of the Day: Holy toast and seashell

Today we have two bargains to tempt you. First up is a Virgin Mary Image on Toast - Found in Arizona Office:

[Some squiggles on toast]This is a piece of bread, toasted in an office break room, that has an image resembling the Virgin Mother Mary. I looked at it for several minutes and showed it to others in the office and we all agree that it is definitely the Virgin Mary.

We immediately photographed this toast and then put it in an air-tight plastic container to keep it in good condition.

The picture says it all. The Holy Mother Mary is respected by many people and is a religious icon to a majority of the world.

Please only bid on this with good intent. I accept Paypal, money orders, and personal checks. Must send payment within 72 hours of auction end. Thank you and God bless.

And if that wasn't enough excitement for one day, we also found this Jesus inside a Seashell, which will no doubt be of particular interest to Methodists:

[Shiny shell]The world is a gift given to us by God, and we are shown a little taste of heaven itself from time to time we just have to be willing to look beyond what our eyes see and look with out heart. Along with the treasures of life I believe that God leaves little signs or clues that He is still alive and knows what’s going on in our lives. Going up for auction on eBay a small wooden curio cabinet approximately 7" x 10" x 2" filled with various types of beans and a simple sea shell in the middle. Look closely and you can see one of God’s little signs, the image of His Son meekly looking down in the middle of a sea shell made by God’s own hand. You never know this could be a sign that God is around and always with us or just the something that someone needs as a little pick me up! Wouldn’t you like to have one of God’s little signs that we are here for a reason and that he is always going be with us no matter what the circumstances?

Please note this item is not grilled cheese, it won’t rot, decompose or shrivel up and wither away; it is an actual sea shell you will be able to cherish forever just as God’s love for us is everlasting.

May 25, 2005

Bargain of the Day: Bring Jesus to your bosom

Jesus decided to get closer to the heart of the the vendor of this Jesus Christ's Image on Mammogram. (Religious). Naturally, she felt the most respectful thing she could do with the One and Only... ORIGINAL FILM! of this moving event was to sell it on eBay.

[Mammongram simulacrum]Jesus Christ's image is clearly visible on this mammogram. I went in for a regular mammogram screening where several x-rays were taken. The doctor thought he had seen something unusual and called me back one week later.

On this second visit, only one image was taken of the area of concern. As soon as the film showed up on the screen, the image of Jesus Christ was clearly visible. The technician and I were astonished and immediately felt a pleasant presence.

Needless to say, I was blessed to find that all was well and I am in good health.

Additional information: Mammogram impression is: 4"x4". (JC image within.)

May 8, 2005

Bargain of the Day: Glittery moon thing

How about a nice, shiny, glittery moon for the bedroom? Not convinced? Well, this is no ordinary bit of New Age tat, it's a MAKE A WISH AND DREAMS COME TRUE WAND!

[Glittery moon thing]MAKE A WISH ON THIS WAND AND DREAMS DO COME TRUE!

I BOUGHT THIS MAGICAL WAND A FEW YEARS AGO AT A PHYSIC FAIR, AND IT HAS BROUGHT ME AND OTHERS, NOTHING BUT GOOD LUCK!

I AM VERY SERIOUS, THIS WAND WAS NOT BOUGHT AS A GOOD LUCK WAND, BUT THERE IS SOMETHING VERY MAGICAL THAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MAKE A WISH, OR SAY A PRAYER, AND HOLD ONTO THIS SPARKLE HALF MOON ON A STICK~

SOME SAY THEY SEE RELIGIOUS FIGURES IN THIS?

DOESNT MATTER HOW YOU HOLD THIS, IT IS SMILING FRONT AND BACK, LET IT SMILE FOR YOU, AS IT DID FOR ME~

As the vendor is obviously in need of the cash, the wand not having granted that particular wish, only the gullible are allowed to bid:

IF YOU DO NOT BELIEVE IN WISHES AND DREAMS DO NOT BID..YOU MUST BELIEVE~

About this Archive

This page is an archive of entries in the Religious Tat category from May 2005.

Religious Tat: April 2005 is the previous archive.

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